/lit/ - Literature

Here's something that got rejected by Daily Science Fiction:
https://pastebin.com/Phj5ptCc

>Critique
>>9805508
Change up "blackness" and "darkness" for something a bit more musical. Like obsidian, or pitch. Whiteness should be "light" or something a bit less mundane. Have you tried applying some meter or something? This isn't particularly interesting to read on its own, needs a bit more, especially if it's mythos of some kind or another. This actually reminds me of a story I did in high school, quite similar in that it was a primordial myth about the creation of the universe with voids. Overall, 6/10. Try to practice a bit more.