/lit/ - Literature

>tfw no gf
>tfw no friends
>tfw poor relationship with family
>tfw can't figure out how to make connections with other people properly
>tfw barely feel like a human being

I've managed to split myself a little bit ha ha. It's kind of an overlap. My body is on one side and the natural intelligence that comes from my body, you know the kind of thing trees or animals have just more developed because it's a person obviously. I let my body handle stuff like typing or walking or brushing my teeth so I don't have to think about it but the downside is that sometimes I let it act on its own too much and it does things without letting me remember them afterwards. Sometimes I just turn off control and watch my body move on its own without any input because I want to detach from my life a little bit. Now things taste kind of dull and swallowing feels weird and it's hard to respond to my own name. On the other side is the internal intelligence that has free will of its own, I think that corresponds better to 'me' than the body intelligence. I mean they're both 'me' since a soul is the point where the body and the mind/spirit meet and splitting them apart isn't really correct but this is the way I perceive it now. The second intelligence doesn't really enjoy anything and feels little and thinks not very much either. It just observes what the first one does and sometimes overrides its actions but not enough I feel. Underneath both of these is what I call the generating consciousness or nameless intelligence, since it exists before both of them and integrates the senses, thoughts, emotions, and identity into one entity even if it's not doing a very good job of it right now. It's funny that I talk about it in third person even though 'it' is more 'me' than the 'me' that responds to a name or thinks of itself in terms of 'I' is 'me.' I swear I'm not a schizo. This makes perfect sense. I'm totally real but there are things more real than me. If there are characters in my dreams, then I'm a character in the dream of something more real than me. I've been able to directly change parts of my behavior by circumventing my inhibitions by thinking of my actions as carried out by someone else because they kind of are, which lets me be a lot less shy or nervous in social situations than 'I' really am, but now I'm in a weird state where the 'me' that I've been commanding to do various things doesn't correspond exactly to the internal 'me' anymore (but they're the same person and not divisible or reducible at the end of the day). I think if I push too hard on this I might lose consciousness completely and find that the body has taken on all functions and maybe wake up months or years later. That should be a scary thought but I don't really care. I don't care. I don't want to care. I want to stop caring. It's easier to go through life totally numb so I don't get hurt as much. What the heck, I end up hurting myself anyway so what's the use? An ideal scenario would be where a time traveler shoots me in the head at birth or I totally disappear from existence at this instant and retroactively vanish as well. At least then I wouldn't burden anyone.

My parents discovered my copy of The Legacy of Totalitarianism in a Tundra while over at my place and discovered that I had worked on it.

I haven't let them read it but they're eager to do so. How long until they realise what I've done?
Have any other co-authors had their family discover this shame?

This is the test used by GPs to diagnose whether a patient might be depressed.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10

Determine once and for all whether you should take the next step.

>tfw the courier came with my Tundra book today while I was out
>tfw won't be delivered until Monday now

>>7369279
the current pop feminist movement was for the most part crowdsourced from the internet. Terms like 'safe space' 'trigger warnings' and possibly 'bodies' originated on blogs and livejournals around the turn of the century. The future of ideology is not academia or philosophers but the faceless mob with its endless streams of memes. See for example the mra/ neoreactionaries on the other side of the spectrum they get their ideology from bloggers and youtube pundits.

>it's a /lit/ thread

>>7316735
>nuking half the discussion of the board and the most interesting part at that
>good