/lit/ - Literature

OP, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?

Hmm. I don't think I'm a schizo.
I'm looking at myself in several layers. The outside world is experienced through the senses, but they're separated from me by something like a pane of glass and feel kind of distant. My body is the same way and when I walk or perform various physical tasks I sometimes go into 'autopilot' and snap to some time later to find that I've continued performing the task while my awareness was away. Between my emotions and thoughts is also a separation or barrier, and often I find myself looking at my emotions from someplace else as they affect my 'outer self,' for lack of a better term. My 'inner self' observes the outer layers and makes decisions based on what it sees, as well as performing self-evaluation and self-criticism nearly constantly. Inside this inner self is another layer, which can't really be expressed in words very well. It seems to be the instantaneous awareness that permeates the rest of the layers and stitches each individual moment together into a fluid experience as well as generate the sense of self that makes up the inner self.
Now if these layers are arranged like concentric circles, there seems to be something that runs in a straight line from the outer to the inner layers. This is also myself, but I often find myself struggling with it and it seems to have different desires than I do. It also seems to observe outside events and inward emotions and thoughts, but it rarely acts for itself. I interact with it by talking to myself in the second person, both out loud and in my head. When it acts, I'm fully conscious and take action without losing control of myself since in the end it is myself just as much as I am myself, but immediately following its actions I pull back a little bit and react to what it did as if it was done by another. Obviously in the end all actions are my own and there is only one self in me, so maybe this self-separation is a coping or defense mechanism for its thoughts and behaviors, which I usually hate or feel great distress over.
In addition to the layers and the straight line, I've had the occasional experience of a state of mind or being past the innermost, generating awareness, which I am unable to articulate fully. It was not a sense of belonging to a universal Self in the vein of Hindu or Buddhist thought. More frequently, it was a sense of being an individual being, endowed with free will and awareness and the ability to make decisions, yet generated by or emanating from a being more real than I am, similar to a character in a dream being less real than the one who dreamed him. Less frequently, it was a sense of a force, presence, or divine will brushing against me, similar to a finger brushing a soap bubble without breaking it. These experiences could last from a brief instant to a few minutes, and made me feel as if something beyond my comprehension had touched on me for an unknown purpose.

I'm graduating high school in two months. /lit/ any advice?