I took the best fucking shit of my life today. I woke up at about 12, so I decided to skip breakfast and go straight to lunch, except I wasn't that hungry so I got some roasted salted peanuts to snack on. I don't know how, but I ended up eating 500g of peanuts in one sitting (I'm bulking though so it's not too bad, good macro balance).
I felt bloated straight after so I lied down on the sofa and watched some powerlifting comp videos. Got bored and took my dog on a walk. We were walking for about fifteen minutes and my stomach started to fucking shake. I literally ran home dragging my poor pooch behind me on the leash, when I sat on the toilet my sphincter made that sputtering sound like a deflating balloon. I was on the toilet for about ten minutes because every time I got up to wipe my ass I felt the urge to sit down again and, lo, behold, more shit came out, and it was that soft, easygoing shit like mashed potato with tapered ends on each end of the log. The smell in the bathroom was fucking terrible, but my brain associated it with intense relief, so I didn't open any windows or anything, just sat in my own filth like I was coming down from an orgasm after two weeks of NoFap. I used half a roll of toilet paper to wipe my ass and I had to stop myself so many times from the urge to pick up my turd and fondle it out of disgusting curiosity.