/lit/ - Literature

>>20674648
Guy who promised to read it later here. I have returned. Having read the second half I can say your general writing quality stays really solid at a line by line level. I'd make minor niggling suggestions (mostly trimming things/word economy related) and merging some of those short choppy sentences into larger ones for better flow to suit my preferences. Overall the specificity of much of the description was a huge strength. In pic related I have highlights on portions where I think you could consider using more targeted/flavorful words.

In fact my main complaint was that after the bar the pacing was going faster and faster, and the paragraphs became massive. Counterintuitively perhaps the the fast pace of events and long paragraphs made the pacing feel very bogged down to me.

I was completely hooked by the intro and wanted to experience the story of this formerly homeless guy, his brother, and the captain ('show' as some would say) - that is let me see the bar conversation, taste the beer, smell the ocean air - but instead was having a massive story explained to me at lightening speed. I think the entire story your trying to tell is the scope of a novel or something whereas the story of the guys arrival, grabbing beers, and finding of the boat is a short story with room to breath. So in essence I felt like it got weaker as it got faster as the story progressed. You have real skill so I hope you stick with it.