/lit/ - Literature

>>9084536
Surprised no one has responded to this, it seems pretty decent. You have a pretty unique writing style, lots of interesting references and clever vocabulary. I liked it.

>>9085949
Is Bella's swan a Twilight reference? I think the plot of this story is good, interesting reference. I agree with the other guy that responded though that sometimes the prose is clunky.

> Why was it that her work had to be ruined because of the negligence of others?

But there are some other lines that are really good. I think it just needs a little revision.

>>9091134

>was unusual and famous for its insipid architecture; as old as it looked, it was astoundingly creepy,
>He was at least 6 feet tall; he had a pale complexion; and as the
>Yousuf was his leverage, his support; people would laud this kid
>The olds came and paid their homage to the child and wept; their tears froze in the snowy winter.

Why are you using semicolons so weirdly? All of these could be periods or commas. Overuse of semicolons makes writing flow very awkwardly.

The story is an interesting idea but it felt like there was not really enough buildup to make me really enjoy it.

Pic related is my writing, pls crit. I'm really just trying to learn at this point.