/lit/ - Literature

I thought I'd tell you about some new words I've invented.

Slunt - mixture of the words slut and cunt. Used to insult women.
dickshingle - a generic insult
shit marine - synonym for faggot, homophobic slang

Poast words you've invented.

>>10330341
“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” said Ryan.

“I don’t think he is, Ryan.” said Dan.

Ryan reached forward and pressed on the horn. He let his foot off the brake and slowly moved towards the ostrich. The ostrich did not move. Ryan stopped the bumper of the van inches from the bird and took his hand off the horn. The ostrich grunted loudly twice, then threw up on the hood of the van.

Ryan gently massaged the bags under his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.

“Well, let’s take care of this, then,” said Dan. He exited the van, and died instantly as a kick connected with his temple. Ryan watched his body crumple to the ground. An ostrich pranced over and ejected a thin, white stream of shit on Dan’s body.

Ryan heard a sharp rap on the driver’s side window, and whipped his head around. Mouth open, he stared at the ostrich that was standing there. The ostrich blinked twice, then pecked the glass again.

“Are you fucking -” Ryan began, when he heard a flurry of feathers enter Dan’s still-open door.

“GUUUURK!” announced the fourth ostrich. It leaned back, and whipped its head at Ryan like a morningstar. Ryan was not sure how, but he knew that this could only be the dead ostrich’s mate. Outside the van, the shrieks and grunts of countless ostriches filled the air.

Ryan felt his vision shrink and fill with sparks as the bird’s head collided with his own. The van rocked as the other ostriches kicked the sides, each kick echoing loudly in the interior of the van. Again and again the dead ostrich’s mate flailed its head into Ryan’s body. Ryan began to slip into and out of consciousness.

The beating stopped. He could not tell how long the beating had lasted. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. Ryan felt his heart falter as it struggled to pump blood to his bruised and beaten body. Each pump, weaker than the last, brought a fresh wave of pain.

Then, the pain stopped. He felt a bony finger underneath his chin, and a voice whispered in his ear:

“I work the graveyard shift alone, always with a smile.
I welcome any customer, man or beast or child.
My services are varied, my services are free.
But it’s a lonely life, you see. It’s lonely to be me.”

Ryan was dead before the stranger finished.

Outside the van, the rest of the ostriches bowed their heads low, as the dead ostrich’s mate took a tentative step out of the van. Another step followed. The ostrich stood alone, surrounded by the others, then collapsed. One by one, the ostriches rose, and receded into the night.