/lit/ - Literature

>>21964240
>“He got what he wanted and I congratulated him and he looked terrible,” she said. “I feel guilty to this day for not having said to him, ‘What’s wrong, why do you look so terrible? You just won the jackpot.’ I didn’t say it. To me it was such an obvious triumph of something he had been working for for six or eight months. All the work and the pain and the stress and the fatigue -- it was all over and it was all resolved the way he wanted it. And he was just despondent. I never said anything and I’m in pain over that, always in pain over that to not ask the obvious. I almost was perhaps oblivious to the obvious because we had so many long arduous discussions about how he felt and how each interview went and how he couldn’t decide.

>“But most important, he was singularly preoccupied by thinking he had failed himself. He became convinced he had made a mistake by accepting a Fogarty grant, and for that he could never, ever trust a decision he made again. That [the residency] decision came from an outside source. It had nothing to do with him and it wasn’t reliable, it wasn’t accurate. And therefore by extension he couldn’t trust himself to make important decisions. Perhaps he meant by that medical decisions for other people or medical conclusions based on data and research and examinations.”

>In an instant message exchange, he told a friend that the result had left him feeling “dead inside.” As best I can tell, he started pursuing the poison six days later.

>>18633538
>“He got what he wanted and I congratulated him and he looked terrible,” she said. “I feel guilty to this day for not having said to him, ‘What’s wrong, why do you look so terrible? You just won the jackpot.’ I didn’t say it. To me it was such an obvious triumph of something he had been working for for six or eight months. All the work and the pain and the stress and the fatigue -- it was all over and it was all resolved the way he wanted it. And he was just despondent. I never said anything and I’m in pain over that, always in pain over that to not ask the obvious. I almost was perhaps oblivious to the obvious because we had so many long arduous discussions about how he felt and how each interview went and how he couldn’t decide.

>“But most important, he was singularly preoccupied by thinking he had failed himself. He became convinced he had made a mistake by accepting a Fogarty grant, and for that he could never, ever trust a decision he made again. That [the residency] decision came from an outside source. It had nothing to do with him and it wasn’t reliable, it wasn’t accurate. And therefore by extension he couldn’t trust himself to make important decisions. Perhaps he meant by that medical decisions for other people or medical conclusions based on data and research and examinations.”

>In an instant message exchange, he told a friend that the result had left him feeling “dead inside.” As best I can tell, he started pursuing the poison six days later.

>“He got what he wanted and I congratulated him and he looked terrible,” she said. “I feel guilty to this day for not having said to him, ‘What’s wrong, why do you look so terrible? You just won the jackpot.’ I didn’t say it. To me it was such an obvious triumph of something he had been working for for six or eight months. All the work and the pain and the stress and the fatigue -- it was all over and it was all resolved the way he wanted it. And he was just despondent. I never said anything and I’m in pain over that, always in pain over that to not ask the obvious. I almost was perhaps oblivious to the obvious because we had so many long arduous discussions about how he felt and how each interview went and how he couldn’t decide.

>“But most important, he was singularly preoccupied by thinking he had failed himself. He became convinced he had made a mistake by accepting a Fogarty grant, and for that he could never, ever trust a decision he made again. That [the residency] decision came from an outside source. It had nothing to do with him and it wasn’t reliable, it wasn’t accurate. And therefore by extension he couldn’t trust himself to make important decisions. Perhaps he meant by that medical decisions for other people or medical conclusions based on data and research and examinations.”

>In an instant message exchange, he told a friend that the result had left him feeling “dead inside.” As best I can tell, he started pursuing the poison six days later.