/lit/ - Literature

I need to blogpost bros and may ramble a bit. I don't know if I'm actually happy or if I'm just telling myself I am. I used to be really miserable, very shy, no job and few friends. Then a year ago I developed trigeminal neuralgia which by rights should have made me extremely bitter because I'm in a lot of pain and the medication the neurologist prescribed does little. But then I started putting myself out their more, got a good job, met a lot of new people, learned how to make small talk and not act like the autist I was. I feel good about where I'm at now in life but my face literally never stops hurting, it manifests itself as a toothache that never goes away, and often radiates into my jaw accompanied with sharp pains. For the longest time I kept going to the dentist thinking something was surely wrong with my tooth but they assured me its not, I thought I was going crazy. After months of waiting I got to see a neurologist and get an MRI and learned that I am indeed not crazy. I do not tell anybody about it, not even my family, because there is no point. Its just so strange to receive compliments from people but while in pain. As far as work I actually like my job, it isn't glamourous but it makes me feel like part of a community and like people rely on me. Some days the pain is really awful but I put on a brave face and look happy, then I begin to feel happy. But am I really happy or am I fooling myself into thinking I'm happy? Maybe it's enough that I "feel" happy. Or is this facade that I'm putting up going to fall down one day and make me feel horrible. It just everything is going my way right now and I'm getting everything I want and I don't want it to end.

inb4 take your meds schizo