/lit/ - Literature

>>7212421
actually a really sharp and to the point critique :o
(easy target though)

>>7212858
"think burroughs meets tao lin in frank millers' sin city"
>Leica M4™ and 35mm Summilux™
disgusting

>>7212290
>>7212280
other anon was right first post is a snoozefest liking he second more... the heavy handed inner dialogue is rife with cliche (that piss joke was used in a recent michael caine comedy film about getting old) and there is some serious cringe factor also like:
>warm and happy and angry and sad. But all warm
i like physically rolled my eyes, involuntarily on reading that, not even joking. there are some really disjointed sentences especially in the first post
>deeply engaged in staring silently at the decidedly average
>declared one, a fact evidenced by the smiling, smoking man with a stethoscope that stood in the foreground, holding out an...
also i feel like you need to describe the melbourne cold in a different way because biting cold and hostile could be any other place... also anyone who's lived in new zealand would probably guffaw at the description of melbourne as uniquely cold but that's neither here nor there
but other anon was right this is of higher caliber than a lot that gets posted in these threads and the emotion is spot-on. the part where he questions whether he's getting shorter is an unexpected touch of humour which is quite nice and better than the piss thing imo. when he remembers being a youth at the bar is good and sad. tbh an enjoyable read overall, but i question how reflexive your employment of cliches of nostalgia and aging are??

>>7212973
liking this in my imagined context of a edith blyton-esque tale about kids taking matters into their own hands! are you the anon that was studying conversation analysis..? because you've picked up some good notes
>making noises like they should all pay attention to him
however some of the over description near the end blows but especially
>turning suavely and looking into Emily's eyes with a drippingly ironic smarm, palped in the basement's dust
that last part about dust is good but makes no sense there