/lit/ - Literature

>>8620766
I didn't get much critique on this last time (though I truly appreciate the critique I did recieve), so here goes again. I will help out and critique some others work once I get this posted.

Part 1

He saw the trap only as it was being sprung, limbs moving too slow, lungs too out of breath to shout. The screech of the tires screamed for the driver. He heard the loud thump of meat hitting metal, saw as his friend went flying like a fish out of water through the cold air, and then slam against the pavement once, twice, three times... It wouldn't be till years later, during a high stress situation, when he would remember, quite vividly, the crunch of a human skull as it fractured and cracked open against blacktop. In that moment, however, screaming was all he heard. A high pitched wail that could have crumbled mountains if there were any.

“JAAAKE!!”

Roth saw her slipping and sliding in her drunken high to get down the grassy embankment and to her brothers side, and he immediately knew he couldn't allow that. He ran and caught her just as she touched the blacktop, tackling her to the ground.

“Roth get off of me! Jake! Damnit, get off! It's your fault! Let me go, he needs me!”

Her words cut him like thorns, but her life was more important. He couldn't let her get hurt too.

Seconds later, just as he feared, another car came racing around the blind curve and crashed into the back of the small SUV, not having had enough time to see what was happening. The first car went screeching further down the street before sideswiping to the left and into the other lane, just barely missing Jakes legs.

Sammy was next down the hill, sliding down just as fast as her sister had. Then came Benny, and finally West. All three of them made a hard, skidding stop at the bottom of the hill, eyes taking in the crash. Then Sammy ran to her sister and took her into her arms, releasing Roth from his duty. She had seen the whole thing from her position atop the hill and knew it was too late to save her little brother. Her only duty now was to keep her sister from the same fate.

“Dog shit” Benny said as he gripped his hair in both his hands. West was surprised he managed to get a word out, let alone two.

Having been freed of his burden, Roth stood up and surveyed the street. The scene was gruesome. The back of the SUV was completely caved in, and the front was sporting a nice boy sized dent. Smoke was billowing out, causing the driver to cough and wave their hand in front of their face as they opened the door and took a few slow steps towards the middle of the street, pausing just a moment to stare back at the blood splattered on their car. Legs shaking, Roth began to tentatively step forward.

Second half of a chapter I'm trying to work on. Give it to me good and hard, I like it rough.

Pt. 1 0f 2

He saw the trap only as it was being sprung, limbs moving too slow, lungs too out of breath to shout. The screech of the tires screamed for the driver. He heard the loud thump of meat hitting metal, saw as his friend went flying like a fish out of water through the cold air, and then slam against the pavement once, twice, three times...

It wouldn't be till years later, during a high stress situation, when he would remember, quite vividly, the crunch of a human skull as it fractured and cracked open against blacktop. In that moment, however, screaming was all he heard. A high pitched wail that could have crumbled mountains if there were any.

“JAAAKE!!”

Roth saw her slipping and sliding in her drunken high to get down the grassy embankment and to her brothers side, and he immediately knew he couldn't allow that. He ran and caught her just as she touched the blacktop, tackling her to the ground.

“Roth get off of me! Jake! Damnit, get off! It's your fault! Let me go, he needs me!”

Her words cut him like thorns, but her life was more important. He couldn't let her get hurt too.

Seconds later, just as he feared, another car came racing around the blind curve and crashed into the back of the small SUV, not having had enough time to see what was happening. The first car went screeching further down the street before sideswiping to the left and into the other lane, just barely missing Jakes legs.

Sammy was next down the hill, sliding down just as fast as her sister had. Then came Benny, and finally West. All three of them made a hard, skidding stop at the bottom of the hill, eyes taking in the crash. Then Sammy ran to her sister and took her into her arms, releasing Roth from his duty. She had seen the whole thing from her position atop the hill and knew it was too late to save her little brother. Her only duty now was to keep her sister from the same fate.

“Dog shit” Benny said as he gripped his hair in both his hands. West was surprised he managed to get a word out, let alone two.

Having been freed of his burden, Roth stood up and surveyed the street. The scene was gruesome. The back of the SUV was completely caved in, and the front was sporting a nice boy sized dent. Smoke was billowing out, causing the driver to cough and wave their hand in front of their face as they opened the door and took a few slow steps towards the middle of the street, pausing just a moment to stare back at the blood splattered on their car. Legs shaking, Roth began to tentatively step forward.

“Don't” West tried to warn, but was drowned out by Julies loud wails.