/lit/ - Literature

Reading a self help book for recent graduates my aunt gave me, first part was all about work and what to do in that regard. It was interesting but I wasn't really relevant considering I had signed for a position at a place I was pretty excited to be before I even started my last semester.

But the next part was about love, and that hit me. I'm convinced I'm going to end up not marrying anyone. Physical intimacy and commitment terrify me. The idea of someone loving me outside my parents doesn't make any sense to me. Granted I havn't tried, also because I have a crippling fear of rejection. I'm a shut in besides work. I go to work, the gym, read at home, play mtg or hang out with friends on the weekends, nothing I would ever meet a women at. The idea of dating apps seems so ungenuine and fake that I can't bring myself to do so. This idea of being alone doesn't necessarily me by any means, just something I have to accept. It doesn't make me mad or happy, or anything for that matter. Like accepting that I owe rent this month. Just something that is, and only an extremely uncommon situation could change that.

Feel like I've finally taken off the mask.