/lit/ - Literature

>>15369938
If I were to interpret it it would feel as though the speaker sees and feels the passage of time wearing away at him/her, and is often reminded of both the beginning and end of life.

I think the first two lines sound very nice together, but that flow is kind of interrupted.The entire second stanza has a very nice flow, same with the third. The bluntness of the last line was unexpected, to me.

>>15370022
Maybe it is just me, but I can't find a comfortable rhythm to read this at.
The second and third lines are kind of weird. not sure why the semi-colon is there either. some of the rhymes are nice though. I'm not an expert though, and I don't read too much poetry.

>>15370056
This isn't really along enough excerpt to know for a lot of people, at least double this would be better. Even rereading some lines it took a very short time to read.
Also, a lot of your sentences are very short, there are a lot of periods. I think it's a good start, but is it interesting to read?

I guess I can post so I can show just how ignorant I am. I wrote this in a few minutes because I'm not sure why. It was written with a melody/tune in mind so the pacing may be weird as a poem. I don't have a proper title.