/lit/ - Literature

>>20819947
The Lord Of The Rings by R Scott Bakker

Gandalf sleeps with his daughter; she is a prostitute. Twenty years ago he slept with her mother; she is also a prostitute. Gandalf also slept with a male apprentice of his, taking advantage of a vulnerable pupil. It is unclear which experience overall was the most enjoyable for him.

The Fellowship gather at Rivendell, it looks exactly like the Mines Of Moria. For some reason, all of the elves of Rivendell are management Consultants, they may also be incel Greek philosophers. The management Consultants give Frodo a VR helmet to aid him on his quest, this is the sort of thing management Consultants do. Elrond is an exceptionally ancient and senile, giant incel. He wallows in darkness and filth at the bottom of a pit beneath an inverted mountain, feeding upon pig carcasses. He is however very helpful. Elrond kills all of the elf Consultants and smashes the stupid VR helmet.

Boromir has forgotten he is actually Legolas. He feeds the hobbits highly addictive drugs. Everyone goes insane and kills each other.

Aragorn leads a great warhost on an arduous Ordeal to overthrow Sauron upon the endless desolation of Mordor. Previously Aragorn was crucified upside down with Eowyn, we often forget about Eowyn, especially after she had her heart ripped out of her chest by Aragorn and maybe it was also set on fire. Eowyn is a prostitute. Aragorn's true love is of course Arwen. Arwen is also a prostitute. In fact, Arwen was the aforementioned mother of Gandalf's child, the daughter that he slept with. Does all of this make sense now?

Sauron is an alien. Now he is very ancient, he learnt the way to conserve his power was to forge it into objects that contained his malevolent soul and to bequeath them in dark rituals of his followers, management Consultants. It would be convenient if Sauron chose some portable vessel, something easily carried and worn on the hand or finger. Like a bracelet or torc or carcanet, an armband or circular ornament of some kind. So Sauron chooses the limbless torsos of five humans suspended before a golden chamber of inverted fire.