/lit/ - Literature

>>15742900
Probably Suicide by Edouard Leve. It's even more poignant when you know the context in which it was written. No Longer Human and Under the Volcano are also pretty sombre reads.

>>14116011
>28
>not well
>just finished of time and the River by thomas Wolfe
I’m schizophrenic and had a change of medication recently, and I feel a lot more conscious, if that makes sense in this context. I don’t feel so anhedonic anymore, but I’m still miserable. I’ve been struggling recently with reality and forgetting that delusions I have aren’t real. Couple that with philosophy and it makes a pretty decent recipe for a breakdown. I guess the point of this rant is to ask for help. Can anyone recommend me something to read that would help me understand myself? Help me understand why I think and feel the way I do? Maybe even help me understand what happiness means? I guess that’s the biggest, happiness. I don’t know what that means, I don’t know what it feels like, and least of all I don’t know how to experience it. I always associated happiness with contentment (something I’ve also never experienced), but the older I’m getting, and the more medication I get put on, I’m beginning to realize I have little to none individual thoughts or feelings. Pills are fed to me by doctors to control my brain, my psychiatrist is there to control my feelings, and my parents are there to control my life. Do I even exist at this point other than as a nuisance to the people who created me? I don’t know I guess I just lost sight of what it means to be alive and exist. Obviously I’m alive and exist, but if I have no control of my self, how am I suppose to quantify myself? How am I suppose to know what I feel at any given moment is what is real and my idea of reality is wrong? How do I overcome the belief that the delusions I believe to be real are only imaginary and the result of a disease? If I accept that then wouldn’t I also have to accept that every single thought and feeling I have is also a result of that disease? What if life is the disease and I see things for what they truly are and nobody else does? I guess I’m just a little manic and overthinking everything, but I still can’t shake the thought of what happiness is. So to end my rant, I guess the question to be asked is: what is happiness?

>>13879435
Yes

Anything exploring mental illness from a firsthand perspective or something else similar in nature

this one, but it sucks shit.