/lit/ - Literature

>>13344457
0/10

Here I am, yet again just scrolling through this site, hoping some post or idea will spark excitement into my empty existence. I don't even like doing it, at all. But my mind is trapped, starting to do literally anything else feels like too much of a mental barrier to cross. I don't know why I post here, it's not because I want to collect my thoughts, because I do that often enough. I guess it's simply because I want to feel like someone is reading it, and can relate. It's that feeling that I'm after, even though reality is probably entirely different. I guess you could say I don't care about reality anymore, I just care about going through my ideosyncratic rituals and thought patterns so I can feel safe and in control.
This might be signs of high functioning autism, I suspect I might be an aspie. What does that add to any of the discussions here? Nothing, I just wanted to write something people could maybe relate to and feel a bit better knowing that others are going through the same thing at this very moment.
I wish I could add something I genuinely believe can help people get over the meaninglessness of it all, but I just can't. We're stuck in this situation, intelligent, suffering, anxious monkeys with deep built in systems to prevent self-destruction and promote self-propagation. A complex biochemical system desperately trying to keep itself going. Life is completely absurd and all I can do to make me feel better is finding satisfaction in expressing just how absurd it really is.