/lit/ - Literature

Get to work Muhammad

Attention /lit/izens, bow to your king!

There is a reason it is called "the Book"

Poetry, history, philosophy, and theology all perfectly blended into a single edition and given the rightful stamp of "Holy". Lolita cannot stand in it's shadow, Aesop's Fables are not worthy of being it's footstool. Bow to the king of books you ignorant and unwise, Bow with all your might!

What other book contains all of history within it's pages? What other book more accurately summarizes the human condition and the solution? What book is there that can be upheld for centuries, in the face of persecution and censorship?

No one will remember the other novels written by mere mortals, but the Bible shall live forever with the words therein.

The Holy Bible is a fictional historical epic with elements of fantasy, and the supernatural in general. Epic is a word not out of place here, for the Holy Bible is indeed a very hefty read. There are actually various versions of the texts, the Hebrew and the Christian. I will talk about the Christian edition here, so when I say Holy Bible I will refer to it.

The Holy Bible is primarily divided into two big chapters; the first is called the Old Testament, and the other the New Testament. Each of the two Testaments has its own subchapters, with the latter in reality being a spin-off of the former. The Bible does not have a plot, in the real sense of the word. In fact, it is much like Tolkien's "Silmarillion" which could be basically seen as an improved, and definitely more interesting version of the Bible.

The central character in the Old Testament is a supernatural being referred to as God, or Yahweh. It is set in an alternate reality where he creates the world and humanity. What we basically follow are the lives of various humans and their adventures throughout a long span of time, in which God plays an active part.

In the spin-off, the New Testament, the main hero becomes a lowly carpenter, and allegedly the son of God, by the name of Jesus. Even though ordinary in appearance, Jesus has magical powers and is in fact himself considered a deity. He decides to travel around the world, gathering disciples, much to the annoyance of the ruling Romans which do not look lightly upon it - they fear this mysterious wizard Jesus that came out of nowhere could be a threat to them. In this part of the Bible, God plays only a minor role, appearing only in specific instances crucial to the advancement of the plot.

Although from the plot summary, it may seem that the Bible is indeed and intrigue-filled and exciting read, it is not. There are so many problems with it I don't know where to begin.

First, and most important of all, the writing style and verbosity are piss-poor. In all honesty, it is style-wise a literal abomination. There are many, many repetitions in the narrative, and the story is conveyed in an almost childish form of sequential expression, like "Character A did this. Then he said: "blah blah". Then character B went there and did something else." Believe me, it gets tedious very, very fast. Not to say, it is at times so convoluted, it'll make your brains hurt.

There is also very little to no character development, let alone character descriptions. People and deities pop out of the blue, enter abruptly, and leave even more so. In addition, about 80% of the characters are total fillers, sons of sons of sons mentioned in name only and holding no relevance to the story. You know a book is bad when all you know about your main hero is his name; you simply cannot connect with him, or any other, for that matter.

So how do I go about reading this? I assume just reading it straight through with no commentary is a bad idea. Are study bibles a good option?

Also, is reading this even worth it? I've heard statements like this being the basis for a lot of modern western civilization, and other great works referencing this. Are these things true?

What is the definite version of the Bible I should read? Keep in mind, I'm Roman Catholic and would like to read only the Catholic-approved Bible canon( meaning it contains no works that are considered apocryphal by the Pope).

How does God's judgment concerning an individual's salvation go according to the bible? Will I be completely humiliated in front of thousands by the showing of all the porn I watched? Can I avoid this by being a dedicated Christian instead for the rest of my life?

>>8436777
Does this count?

I think /pol/ would say it counts.

I have read almost every notable work and after every book I've concluded that there is not a book that is more beautiful and wisdom-rich than the Holy Bible in English. I will read it every day, all day for the rest of my life. What do you think will happen?

what's the chronological reading order of bible books?

>>8222621

>>7808648

>>7760107
>paper
>ambient voices tell me to write
>been writing the same genreshit schlock for a decade
>when will it end

>>7440743
>This book is old as fuck why are people talking about it?

Which version of the bible should I get?

Is reading it neccecary for reading: Augustine, Aquinas, Luther, Dante, Milton etc?

Whats the difference between the versions?

Can I get a cheap mass market one, or should I get a nice quality one?

>Squidward, we must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes its advice before we do anything.
Patrick: The shell knows all!
SpongeBob: Oh, Magic Conch Shell, what do we need to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?
Magic Conch: Nothing.
Patrick: The shell has spoken!!

How can a book that is so bad be so influential?

Should I read the Bible in it's entirety or should I skip around?

What grounds does God have to punish someone for eternity? What justification is there for a holy and perfect God to forgive a wicked and rebellious sinner? In other words, what grounds does God have to forgive the most vile and retched of people? Is this ever explicitly stated in The Bible?