/lit/ - Literature

Here's my work. It's a mostly unrevised chunk from the early part of the short story, and reason I'm interested in feedback on it is since it's an info dump, and info dumps are often bad writing and make or break a story. I'd like to hear your thoughts on whether it interests you. Any criticisms of my prose in general are also welcome.

>>16242348
This is very novice. Needs work. Namely, working on your English.

>>16242511
Personally I dislike the "he did this, he did that" kind of straightforward writing, but that's just me. For what you're trying to do I think it's fine, but there are definitely spots to improve, like:
>They replied, “It’s bread, to eat!”
>He ate, and it tasted very good. He asked, “What’s it made of?”
Personally I believe some minor changes would do you good:
>They said, “It’s bread, to be eaten.”
>He took a bite, and it tasted excellent. He asked, “What’s it made of?”