/lit/ - Literature

I normally dont post on these threads when they are told to maximize the chances of getting a reply,but i think for the first time im actually writing whats on my mind.
A girl from my college was hit by a car when cycling yesterday.i dont know her and only ever saw her from far in the building,so she was hit last night and the driver didnt stop and left her to die there.
So maybe she was at most three years older than me,if i were to die now or tomorrow or next week i would feel like i wasted my time,but at the same time i feel empty and have no real desire for anything.exercising,learning music,a language.it all feels nice,really nice sometimes.talking to someone.but i really dont feel like trying to live this kind of thing most of the time.
I havent been to therapy since the outbreak of covid,but i dont want to go back,it feels useless i only ever liked it because i could talk to someone real.
I read a bit about freud and she had his books as memorabilia there,i wonder how happy she was when i finally opened up about my difficulties with girls,i didnt outright say im a virgin but i guess you could come to that conclusion,i wonder how she feels like she could squeeze me like a lemon and tie things to my supressed sexual desires.
I feel worthless and empty,and as i said i can be happy and fulfilled but that goes away too easily.Isnt it so unfair to die like that?