/lit/ - Literature

>>18689461
>I like to listen to bolero with friends
i was dissapointed that this doesnt refer to the cuban bolero
and instead two specific boleros
you should make that clear
else the readers excitement dissapears
consider structering it like the bolero
there is repetition but no crescendo
i hate that you mention spotify
or that youre high
>players
>crumbles
nice
>>18685559
>deciduous
amazing use, but tears feels too conventional after that. i loved the imagery (especially the last stanza) but both the personification of nature and "heaven" instead of sky feel overdone
>>18685465
>the Inner Sea.
is it just me or does "upon inner seas" read better? i feel pic expresses a similar sentiment better
>>18684819
the first stanza subconsciously and phonetically signals "ass"
>pass, mass, grass, assk, asside, massk
>Shards
sharts
>Shatter
sharter
>breezes
>break (wind)
come on. you see?
>>18684645
lol. but i couldnt connect all the poems to them, and maybe too long
>>18683874
unreadbley cliched. frater parody?
>>18683122
you might have missed an opportunity to hide something-actually hide it-inside the comfy rain, like you say in
>the universe can communicate it’s means
>in the rain
but everything apart from the carefully crafted rain felt insistent and fell flat. id keep those to a minimal
>>18675866
you dont have to repeat ending, or "is" after destruction
>>18693438
>O frater, I confess, I did not read

>>17873146
&amp is the shit anon, thanks for getting it out into the world. I hope you're able to get back on your feet soon. Best of luck to you.