/lit/ - Literature

>>15739916
I like it as far as technique, but I don't get what's ultimately going on in the poem. Someone died which the narrator had something against, but didn't bring that forward and now are haunted by that? It leaves me confused, but that might just be me.
>>15741008
The medial caesura was usually accompanied by alliterative stresses that made up the meter of the poem in old English. Not that there's any problem with doing it, but if there isn't a good reason to use it then I probably wouldn't. I'm not sure it adds anything. However, I like metered rhyming works, so take my words with that in mind.
>>15742285
Not very interesting. Perhaps some more original imagery? If it's not going to be metered or rhyming, I feel like the imagery, and therefore the words you choose, need to be very well done to keep the reader engaged and caring. The picnic blanket being blown away was pretty good. I think the fact that there is no, or little, time left at the end could be told to the reader in a better way. Perhaps, "the roofs drip drip, stop, and the puddles bathe but worms" or something.

My poem pic related.