/lit/ - Literature

Why do I have to go into these maniacal/depressed phases of terrible anger about the world? E.G. I just learned that my high school crush started being a hoe in uni and this somehow upsets me as nothing else. I'm not even attracted to her anymore and don't talk to her. But still.. Such terrible grief and anger overwhelmed me when I heard that. She is one of the most innocent woman I know and I guess this is the reason. But I still shouldn't give a fuck and this is the incel speaking out of me.

And my body is trying to cope with this by two ways. First, I want to run and punish my body in exercise, but the "philosopher" in me understands this is "animalistic" and then I get this great urge to go and read, write and engage in intellectual pursuits. Why? Because I want to overcome this grief by (brace for cringe) being an "Übermensch" (for a lack of better term). This is great egoism speaking out of me which is kind of contradictory with the more depressed incel side of me.
When I am in this manic egotistical phase I am without care for other humans and pure evil springs out from me. This is very problematic considering my catholic uprbinging that scolds my thinking when that anger leaves me.

How am I supposed to get into metaphysics when I see that after 2500+ years of thought in this subject there is still no general consensus on even the most basic conceptions.

I feel it is total pointless mental masturbation.
I am not very educated on all aspects of philosophy, but doesn't Mr. Wittgenstein say something along those lines aswell?