/lit/ - Literature

>>3299135

Don't read unless you feel brave.

You are gay.

When you say "I wish I was gay", you are actually saying "I wish I had the guts to admit I'm gay". To wish is to desire, you want to have what gay men have, the freedom to be with other men. You do not wish to wish what they wish. You wish to have their courage so you can come out of the closet.

Then you go on about women offering "heterosexual sex", desperate to give us a note "...but I'm sexually attracted to women therefore not gay!". However, you don't see yourself in a relationship with a girl. You don't see yourself combining with them, being complementary. And yet the momentary physical pleasure of sex appears to be enough excuse. To be attracted to sexual sensation is one thing, to be attracted with the opposite sex is another. Look at how you said it. You said women "offer" you sex, because you desire their stimulation, but you do not desire them.

Then you speak of misogyny and female relatives, just to escape from it. Then about friends. Then you make a remark on the men that the women you met are attracted to. Look at what you are paying attention... You wish you were amongst those men, but you're not comfortable the way you are now.

And then you explain your own blocking of the fact that you are gay: desire to have children and ideals that you learned to be how good and honest men are like. You want kids, but not women. You want to be known as "good", but not women.

Look at you.