/lit/ - Literature

>>11246156
Fine then

>>11243710
>'bite
What is this referring to? Why the apostrophe?

>vacui
The what

>The sugary delight
I like this line. Re-centers the narration and got my head back into the piece.

>utile
what now

>Each underwhelms.
I feel like "underwhelms" is falling out of fashion but this was a solid line. Maybe it can be expressed differently without the use of "underwhelms" but I suppose it's a permissible usage.

>Woe
Cut that out

Integrate the last line into the poem. Those stand-alone closing lines are cornier than corn on the cob to me and strike me as Instagram tier.

>>11242659
I browsed this earlier today when you posted in the other thread. Seems quite strange to me. As it is currently written, there is zero chance I'd ever get through a novel-sized piece of writing in that style. If you're going to keep it in an essay-like format, I'd recommend dropping APA or Chicago or whatever academic style it's in. Otherwise, there is promise here. I liked the dialogue excerpts and I like how they were transcribed. I also found the prose at the end, following that transcription, to be more enjoyable. I would also minimize the use of adjectives wherever possible. Your prose is a bit saturated enough as is. There are plenty of superfluous adjectives/adverbs in your closing passage alone.