/lit/ - Literature

I can understand you and I've been in your shoes my friend, why don't you try reading Bible or attend a fundamentalist church? You might laugh at religion now but be not fooled with scientism and pseudo-intellectuals opinion.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John:3:16

Don't follow the crowd, be an individual and don't be fooled into thinking that you're an individual while being in crowd. I would recommend you to read the works of Soren Kierkegaard.
Good luck my friend, I'll pray for you, there are people who love you and I hope you don't take the wrong decision.