/lit/ - Literature

>"Yes, welcome, students, welcome to Muggle History," Dumbledore announces calmly as he stretched his legs. "The administration has seen fit that the history of Muggles be taught to all students."
>Draco speaks up. "Really? For what reason do we need to know filthy mudblood stuff?" he asks rudely, looking directly at Harry and Hermione.
>Dumbledore nods. "As it turns out, Mr. Malfoy, Muggle history is important if we are to be integrated into their society. Five points to Slytherin," he says.
>Surprised, Draco snorts under his breath and high-fives Crabbe and Goyle.
>"Our first lesson will be on Muggle weaponry," Dumbledore states matter-of-factly. "Primitive, though they may be, the Muggles regardless have developed competitive arms that could defeat even the most experienced wizard."
>He calmly raises his wand. "Accio AR-15!" he shouts, a shiny metallic object jumping into his hands.
>"This, students, can fire several rounds per second. These have been developed for Muggle wars, but also for recreation, such as hunting, target practice, and in America, shooting up schools," Dumbledore explains.
>He aims at Crabbe and Goyle.
>"HERE, I SHALL DEMONSTRATE THE AMERICAN STYLE!" the professor screams calmly.
>Dumbledore pulls the trigger and starts pumping every Slytherin in sight, bar Draco, with round after round. Many Slytherins are killed instantly, blowing up into chunks of gore and puddles of blood. Draco begins to scream like a madman.
>"YES! YES! WELL DONE, SLYTHERIN! WELL DONE ON BEING DEAD FUCKING RETARDS! FIVE MILLION POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN! I DON'T EVEN CARE! I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL! AVADA KEDAVRA AIN'T GOT SHIT ON THIS!" Dumbledore yells calmly, brutally murdering every one of his mortal enemies in sight. "FUCK SLYTHERIN! ONE QUADRILLION POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR! TAKE THE LOT, YOU EVIL SHITS!"
>He pauses for a moment, takes aim at Draco, and puts one between his eyes.
>"Class dismissed. Heil Godric," Dumbledore calmly announces.

What is the name of the book im thinking of? The plot is that some boy lives in a village with only guys where everyone can read each others mind and there are some kind of beast called orangutang, at least in the swedish translation. One day he finds a girl whos mind he cant read and later they escape the village after discovering that the mayor killed all the women.

>>In the Chamber of Secrets, about to get killedby basilisk.
>>Remember that I, too, am a Parselmouth.
>>Order basilisk to eat Tom Riddles diary. Tom's ghost is too startled to counteract the order in time.
>>Tell basilisk to go back into dormancy.
>>"Professor, my friends and I found and destroyed Slytherin's ethereal monster and it didn't leave a corpse!"
>>Dumbledore believes me because he's Dumbledore.
>>In book seven, the bad guys invade Hogwarts.
>>Enjoy being made of stone, faggots.