/lit/ - Literature

>>10569886
Yeah man, fuck the haters. They just don't get it.

>>10569097
Okay, this started okay but it lost be pretty quickly. I'll pinpoint exactly where.

>The rhythm of those heavy turning gears. It just started one day and never stopped, continuing deeper into the horizon.
Okay, not bad. It has me at least somewhat intrigued as it offers a bit of an odd visual.
>This was the last I’d see of it, who’d think I’d long after cold metal.
okay
>Oh that coldness, I would let it crystalize me entirely,
mmmm... fine...
>freeze my breath
still not pissing me off /yet/
>continue down my lungs into my blood and harden it.
Okay, I'm still interested but thank got that part is over and done with
> Freeze me up for hundreds of years
ffffffffffffffffffff...
>Wake up on a glacier
Oh, god damn it!

Then from there the passage fails to make any sense to me. I'm getting a bunch of images that kind of relate but I fail to have any idea what the fuck this is about.

>Oh god. What good is this abstraction?
Uh... yeah, that about sums up my thoughts after reading this shit.

Not sure what you were going for here, but unfortunately you are getting the "this is shit" stamp, bitch.

Thanks for playing, better luck next time.

>>10569765
Damn right

>>10569018
Alright fucker, I'll read it.

Biggest issue I see is you start sentences with "he" way too often. Try to mix up your sentence structure a little. In spite of that, your sentences tend to convey more than one thing and you don't waste words, which is good.

It's legitimately not terrible and doesn't get my "this is shit" stamp. Congratulations.

Happy now, bitch?

>>10568992
I've written a lot (millions of words) but most stuff I can't share. Since I don't want to accidentally attach the persona I write under with this one.

>>10569018
Nope, still not reading it.
Piss off faggot.

>>10568976
>It's obvious you have nothing to criticize it's so good.
Fine man, its so fucking good I got nothing to say. Good job. The world needs more writers like you.

Moving along now....

>>10568939
>You are a miserable fuck who sees me as an easy target to try and erect your limp ego. You may have a moment of feeling this was a success, but soon you will return to your flaccid existence and look for the next target to displace your misery on.
God this diss was so fucking rock solid. Is there a word that describes the word play I used here?
I was alluding to a dick with both sentences if you didn't catch that.

This is why I'm brilliant and you bitches ain't shit. Just try and touch that kind of cleverness, you can't because you bitches don't have a witty bone in your fucking bodies and that's why you'll never be successful as writers.

>>10568956
Yeah good job "baiting" me. I'm baiting you, bitch. I'm not even trying to.
Also the "I actually don't care" approach doesn't work. You can't touch me and it pisses you off.

>>10568957
Yeah it's fuckin' nice though, ain't it?

>>10568893
Nope, I'm just having fun, you bitches are the ones getting all bent out of shape. And why? Why does it matter to you what I'm doing here? I'm helping people and having a good time doing it but your panties are so fucked up and in a knot you just can't leave me alone. You're scavenging the archives for ways to attack my character. And why? Why bother?

Well, I don't know you so I can't say for sure, but if I were to take a guess it is this: You are a miserable fuck who sees me as an easy target to try and erect your limp ego. You may have a moment of feeling this was a success, but soon you will return to your flaccid existence and look for the next target to displace your misery on.

Second guess is I ripped apart your shit writing in this thread and you can't take it.

I wonder if these haters didn't catch the sarcasm with my "review" of my own thing that I clearly wasn't trying to pretend wasn't mine.
Na, no way these stupid fucks are that smart they probably all "WAAAAAH GOT HIM NOW HURHURHURHURHURHUR"

Dumbass bitches.

I wonder if these haters didn't catch the sarcasm with my "review" of my own thing that I clearly wasn't trying to pretend wasn't mine.
Na, know why these stupid fucks are that smart they probably all "WAAAAAH GOT HIM NOW HURHURHURHURHURHUR"

Dumbass bitches.

>>10568804
If by "angry, narcissistic and stupid" you mean "brilliant, fresh and brilliant" then I agree.

>>10568783
I laughed out fucking loud when I saw this. Good job.

alright, so check it out man.

It's clear and easy to read and does a fair job presenting the setting and the character, but a little more subtlety would do this piece well. Also at some points there is a "this happens then that happens then that happens" type flow going on that you should want to avoid.

Comparing a city to a hand flipping off god was fucking brilliant, by the way, and gives a lot of insight to the character's view of the world around him without expressly stating his feelings.

This is probably the best thing I have ever seen posted on /lit/ ever, so good job. You are a brilliant writer and clearly you are going places.

>>10568748
Bitch, that was...

Na, know what I'm not even going to explain it, but just trust me when I say you are stupid as fuck if you think that means something.

You can't deny my skill. Try attacking my character all you want, it's not going to work and it's not taking away from the fact my critiquing is solid as fuck.

>>10568727
Oh shoot, I must be getting tired. Yeah that's my fault, ignore that complaint.

>>10568715
If this is meant to be ironic, then I get it, and I don't mean that sarcastically.
If you are seriously doing this unironically, though... uh... yeah, stop that shit.
Btw, this is the sentence that's giving me the benefit of the doubt on this one.
>In any case I was writing a book, one that I hoped would make my contemporaries see how petty and misguided their lives were, how worthwhile my sacrifices, how refreshing my repudiations, how heroic my stubbornness, etc.

So yeah, not sure how to approach this one but my general complaint /would/ have been that your sentences are way too fucking long... but it could be okay here if that was done consciously and for a purpose.

>>10568668
But yeah "We spent the summer in arizons... blablala" gives the impression the entire summer was spent doing that one job. And if that is indeed the case... well, I have a hard time imagining that but what I DID imagine was a yard filled with bigass cacti, with the narration then focusing in on just one that they were currently working at.

>>10568681
I never said I was Australian, I just asked if he ever considered the possibility that I am.
And it don't matter, that's such minor shit man. Don't act like I ain't giving good advice here. More importantly, why the fuck you bitches trying to downplay me? I'm doing a solid job at this critiquing shit and you can't deny that.

>>10568668
Would it really take all summer for multiple people to remove one cactus? Guess it really is a big mother fucker.

>>10568634
Like I want your bitch ass here in the first place.
Damn, what's with all these haters man? This shit isn't why I made this thread, get the fuck out.

>>10568628
Pretty damn good, thanks for asking.

>>10568617
>its not even have sentences
The fuck?

>>10568615
That was just a little phase I went through. I like writing fiction a lot more.

>>10568596
Nope, that shits green bitch.

>>10568563
Alright bitch, I don't have time to argue this minute bullshit with some faggot whos clearly just fucking foaming at the mouth because he realizes how fucking inferior he is to me. You fucking haters ain't worth the time, so you can shut the fuck up and get out. Or, conversely, you can quiet down, sit the FUCK down, and see if you can learn a thing or two.
I'm fresh as shit at this, go ahead and prove me wrong rather than desperately looking for whatever tiny ass shit you can poke at so you can feel a false sense of your pathetic self worth rising.
You fucking piece of shit. I own you, and I own this shit. Deny it all you want, you should know that by now.
BITCH!