/lit/ - Literature

>>13195968
I do. if you want to check like 4 posts above this
>>13195795

>>13174857
this one does stand out. I like the concept. a clear premise we can sink our teeth into. recommendations: way too many fragments. obviously you're doing it for effect, as a lot of these fragments are only one word, and you clearly understand grammar. but don't beat the reader over the head with it. cool it a bit, because we want to read something that isn't to jarring. it's a great device to use, but if you don't allow yourself to use it too much, you'll force yourself to do other cool things with language. overall, premise, setting, characters seem good, and that is huge. work on the prose, which is secondary, and less important than /lit/ makes it out to be, but still is important. today, you need the whole package as a writer

>>13195816
You're spot on, and good at writing. Unfortunately no one wants to read this type of thing, because they could get the exact fix you're writing about without reading fiction. They can just browse an image board.
Recommendations: don't use first person, or even write about yourself (I know this may not be about you, but it seems like it is). Focus on writing characters based on people you see, especially those doing strange things which stand out. for example, do you know someone who still wets the bed? imagine if they did so in someone else's bed, etc. things like that

>>13189882
Thank you, anon. Does my heart good. share or recommend, if you feel like it
>>13189551
honestly I like your use of prose, and grammar. It's original. Some of it can be jarring, like that "I stopped" "he stopped". But the thing is I actually feel like I don't understand it, to be honest. as much as I like the style, more clarity before style could go a long way

>>13191333
this is what I currently have. the novel is like an epic family drama with a sci-fi premise. it involves antiquated things, like old sewing machines. I finished the last proof and want to self-publish llke this week

>>13189595
Yeah, I self published it. I wrote all the legal myself. I worked for a publishing house previously. In fact, mostly what I did was work with legal books
>>13189695
Thank you. I did proofread it myself, so, I mean, there is a reason for publishing houses. however, I can say, they will not publish anything that doesn't fit the cultural marxist agenda. so what the fuck do we do?
self-publish, post it for free. That's my plan. Be kind enough to ignore a few typos, if you're reading for free something someone spent 5 years writing, revising, publishing, etc. I appreciate all criticism, but content criticism is more appreciated
I'm not selling anything at all, I'll make that clear. but if you do actually like my book, or dislike it, I just want to give you, the reader, the opportunity to respond https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/12202310.Luke_Feistamel
I also answer questions, and have a blog. My new book I'll publish for free soon. I keep saying that, but also keep trying to make it better

>>13172319
not my best work. just fun. I also wrote fp as a gag

>>13187322
like it? I love it.
can you make me a cover?

>>13166035
definitely literary/character based. more like a family epic but instead of being based on the Napoleonic Wars, it's based on the (admittedly lame) idea of post-apoc. Though I started it in 2007, before the genre got BTFO, and the actual virus is a very unique thing having to do with intelligence and not "zombies"

>>13166031
my bad, I don't understand 4chins too much
I have already read this, don't know if I critiqued it? but I just read it again.
I think there is really great language being used (ignore the haters who tell you not to use big words, English has more words than any other language for a reason, let those retards learn) however, I will say you are kind of packing too many big words together in a "look ma, no hands" kind of way, which will turn people off. there's a ton of other shit you could do with language (and I love big, rare words, absolutely) but a cool it a bit.
The other thing I would suggest with a piece like this that has a ton of character development, is to add mystery. There is something about arabic that is a good start to mystery in there, but if you want to hook a reader, you need a serious like "what the fuck is that?" or "what the fuck is going on?" sentence in there, that will just make the reader keep reading because they want to find out. Great prose (some pruning) but you know what you're doing in terms of syntax, for sure. I can see that.
Also, I have seen you post this a few times. It is good, but I wouldn't say it's publishable. Just keep writing. You have a great knack for details and an almost poetic prose. You just have to keep writing more and more and more and not focus on one thing. That's the killer to just focus on one piece

>>13166012
yeah, but do it fast, I have work tomorrow

>>13165989
brevity is difficult, but an abstract is that it's about what makes real intelligence/intelligence v pain. less abstract: basically the power goes out because of a type of virus, and in one part of the country technology gets exponential, in another part they revert back to the industrial ages.
I promised to post it all for free on lit, and I will. Almost finished proofing the first part (350 pages), then will format and post the free link.
Glowbug is the title

>>13164228
Creative writing, only because if you study lit they'll force you to read a bunch of women and non-white men (ie shit). If you, on your own, read the great white men: Flaubert, Maugham, Dostoyevsky, Gogol, Tolstoy, etc., you will learn a ton (tonne).
You do have to write a lot as well >>13165965 this anon knows.
Not to contradict myself, but it can also help to read shitty writers. You write something you think is great, and then you read someone who wrote something similar and don't like it, and then you realize it's not that good. learning to write is also about learning what not to write

>>13165403
I'm 2,800 pages into a book. have posted proof on lit more than once

>>13165919
Actually have a plan. Don't just start writing. You don't even need an outline, but at least have a solid concept. The concept should also not be something prosaic, like you sitting in a coffee shop thinking about asking a girl out but not having the courage to do so. The more the concept actually includes punch-line humor or the threat of physical pain to the main character, the better it will be.

>>13140019
It’s better to move on to C++ after you have experience using C.

Frankly, I’m surprised at how many people claim the opposite.

>>13131064
I do want to help anyone interested in getting better. To me, this craft is what I love, and I really do respect anyone who wants to dedicate their life to it. Thank you for your support as well, anon.
Here's a page from the second book of Glowbug. I really have taken to heart the actual comments anons have left me from what I posted of my first book, all haters aside, and do appreciate every crit I have been given from you anons

>>13128212
Love how you take something very prosaic and describe it in detail. This is actually a very useful thing to do. I did this a good deal when I was younger, and it was huge in helping me grow as a writer.
I think you're on a great path. You're doing things the right way. unfortunately people don't normally care to read these kinds of descriptions anymore in our instant gratification culture. but writing these descriptions are of huge value to a writer
gerunds are overused, but grammatically and stylistically, great variety. ends with some stank on it, which is always great
godspeed, anon. these are only the words of slime mold

>>13127909
You are using language in a very cool way, but this is way too abstract. It would be very difficult for most readers to visualize what's going on here.
Less "look ma, no hands!" and more concrete images we could really sink our teeth into. but this is just the opinion of a lowly, slime mold

>>13126768
I really love how you actively use grammar as a means of creating tone and establishing a strong voice.
'helichopper' is great, but that's either scifi or argot. could work
Twirls mustache could work very well if this tone is strictly upheld, very DFW. careful about these trite phrases used as effect (which I think you're doing, and I like it) because I've read the criticisms from other anons, and it is a fine line to walk. We as readers have to know you're being tongue-in-cheek, or whatever, etc. but not in a dumb, parroting way. It still has to push your voice forward
The premise is only strong if you already have an established ethos in some way. People are not likely to read something like this unless we know you know where it's going, ie all of the financial stuff is researched, or you have been published before with a similar work
It does read somewhat like homework, or Thomas Wolfe. and reading Wolfe does feel like homework. Chapter two will decide whether the reader will continue or not
Overall, well done and godspeed, anon. even if this one doesn't pan out, I think you've got a very promising future. I would definitely like to read more, and even critique more

>>13100981
I taught ESL. No worries, just an assumption I made about speaking German. Either way, your prose is one of the best I've seen on lit. You really do have a strong voice. again, if you ask me directly on goodreads I will answer any questions more promptly
Now I feel hypocritical not posting my own work. Also I promised to publish my novel Glowbug for free on lit. Actually, based on the criticism I have gotten from lit, which I appreciate, on the pages of glowbug I have posted, I really have spent most of my free time taking that advice and cutting the fat (that being largely the critique I got from posting excerpts on lit) and just doing that has made me work a few hours a day (I have full time job) on making Glowbug the best I could make it. I promise Glowbug will be free on lit almost certainly before the end of this month. this is the opening. any advice you can offer me, I truly will take it to heart

>>13100856
thank you, anon. It actually makes me feel really good knowing I could help you. I do appreciate you responding.
I usually only come on lit about once a week. But if you have any questions, you could just ask me on my goodreads page. I'll respond as thoroughly as I can
Though I do try to come on lit as much as my schedule allows, mostly to help people on these critique threads. of course I have drunkenly done a few threads about my own work. I want to help anyone I can, as long as they're serious in writing. to me the most important thing in the world is lit, it's what makes me feel alive, and I will absolutely embrace anyone who feels the same. we're not competing. we're all trying to reach the same goal. and I want to help everyone reach their goal
Sprechen sie Deutsche? I minored in German

>>13100567
what I like about this is there is a very clear, almost unhinged originality about it. However, there's very little for us to sink our teeth into. what I mean is, it's actually very poetic and intriguing, but not clear enough for us to actually want to wonder what is next, because we have little idea of what's going on. unless I'm too stupid to understand it (possible. I'm very stupid)

>>13100756
think about what everyone in your cohort is writing. they are writing their experience in life, right? you read that, and (I'm guessing) you don't like it, or have already read it. Maybe you do like it. Either way, the publishing industry doesn't like it. You have to actually be thinking of other characters which are outside of your personal scope, if you're doing something character based, which it seems this is. Otherwise, you have to actually do something which is concept based, which this is not. Think about what you want, and think about what your reader will expect and want to read more of
You do have something of an original voice, though quite nascent, and work is needed, but hours put in writing could easily solve that. Just keep on with it, and godspeed, anon