/lit/ - Literature

>>1939288

Pastebin is banned, seriously?

>>1939277
Here's the next few paragraphs:

His Majesty had been releasing merchandise for quite a while in hopes of redeeming his reputation. For despite abolishing taxes, dismissing the entire committee of Public Suffering, and providing free food and housing for all the denizens under his reign, he was not a very popular monarch. Some theorized that His Majesty's father, His Royal Majesty, had such a strong connection with his people that his son would never fully live up to the standard that had been set, even if he did prove a more effective ruler. Others said that His Majesty was just not the type of individual that people found respectable, and blamed his immaturity and reclusive antics for alienating the kingdom.

Here is the truth: His Royal Majesty was indeed universally adored, though not for his bond with the people. In fact, he was a sadistic and insane tyrant, whose rule was characterized by widespread poverty, disease, famine, corruption, and warehouses containing the remains of those who "opposed" him.

Except no one opposed His Royal Majesty. He was just paranoid delusional.

In the mornings, after breakfast, shaving, and killing a small animal, His Royal Majesty would consult a one-eyed parrot in the matters of which minority group was plotting against him at that point in time. Some days it was insurance salesmen, other times it was freckle faced adolescents with reddish hair pigmentation. All were innocent and made no protest as they were brought to a brutal demise, in fact they LOVED it. Dying because of accusations made by a bird was, to them, on par with sacrificing their lives for the good of all humanity.
Too bad the parrot was a hallucination.

/There are parts that need editing and jokes that need reworking. The first part of the story is mostly just gags that don't really come into play until later on.

I'd shoot myself too if my last name was Beethoven.

>>1939234
It started off as a short story, but right now it's looking to be at least novella length.

Basically, while he goes on a quest to get a new pair of hands and finish before the deadline is up, other characters show up with their own subplots and they basically manage to turn the entire kingdom on its head overnight when everything comes together in the end.

I can post more if you're interested, I kinda just wish I didn't write it so slowly and neglecting it for months at a time.

Melvin Ponerson was faced with an uneasy task:

Three hundred thousand of His Majesty's limited edition autographed trading cards would need to be forged, stamped, and sent through the Royal Electronic Dispatching System by dawn.

The time was now 2:43 AM and not a single one had been prepared in the proper manner.

Under normal circumstances, Melvin would call upon his skill as an Elite among the kingdom's cubicle dwellers; he could put aside any petty distraction, such as eating, sleeping, breathing, etc. and focus entirely on what lay before him. In doing so he had the ability to finish a week’s worth of work in under sixteen point eight two seconds.
Flat.

However, there were two things which hindered Mel from actually doing so.
The first was that frankly, there are never any normal circumstances. Ever. Period.
The second was a bit more problematic, for as of 1:57 AM that same mornight, Mr. Ponerson had no hands.

You know what real books have that a kindle doesn't?

That fucking new book smell.

Which is why I want to murder this faggot:
http://smellofbooks.com/