/lit/ - Literature

>>15363386
one time I just stopped pretending the people I worked with at some retailcuck job were my friends since I could tell behind the façade they could still pick up on my inferior beta soul in really subtle ways so I dropped the act and it made them really uncomfortable. there's just a kind of obliviousness that comes with healthy bodies that these jobs lock into I could never be a part of.

>>15087131
I bet you are a retailcuck or bus driver or something.

>worked from home for first time ever yesterday
>finished work, went for a casual 30 minute jog
>went to buy binge food because there was almost no food in my flat; price of everything was higher
>had a medium binge; wasted rest of evening
>woke up at 8 am this morning
>did chores, drank coffee, browsed internet
>went to gym but because I skipped a few days, today was a boring light lifting day; saw a few gymthots but nothing too depressilising
>went for my usual walk while listening to CumTown; sat in library and read the start of an Aldous Huxley book (not BNW) but it was so boring and overwritten and oretentious; skimmed a non-fiction book instead
>looked out library window and saw two young Beckys, which was demoralising
>went walking more; saw many Chad and Stacey couples and I felt so pathetic walking around as an ugly almost 30 male
>now drinking my Saturday evening coffee; will have a fast food binge later, probably McDonald's

There was a part in this week's CumTown where they made fun of Charlie Rose and it really felt like a seminal new media dabbing on old media moment.

When I was wasting time online I watched parts of some University Challenge episodes (I think I'd do better than some of the contestants with zero preparation lol) and I was so brutally jelly of young people on the show because they're young. I'm almost 30. It's such cope to think that time isn't a factor. It's a fucking huge factor. If I had done a 3 year degree instead of 4, if I had got a good job straight after university instead of wasting years in retailcuck positions, I'd be much more successful at my age.

I was reading Information: A very short introduction on my phone, as a break from reading a much longer and pseudier book on my phone, and I had to give up on it. It's written by a humanities scholar and it's collection of labels leading to zero non-trivial insights.

My non-working life is so uninspiring, I am seriously considering becoming a workaholic.

>had a large McDonalds binge last night
>woke up this morning after 7 hours of sleep
>browse internet on phone in bed
>read book
>go to gym but I'm too tired to do heavy squats; bench press goes ok
>leave flat to go to food retailcuck job interview for weekend job that I can continue when I start my full time job
>take bus to the store, wait nearby
>imagine myself in a month, waking up at 7.30 am to get to my job on Monday, leaving at 5 am, going to the gym afterwards and being left with very little free time; doing that 5 times in a row, with any bit of bad sleep ruining the next day, all daylight hours missed; on a Friday night, as the normies party outside, I wait for a weekend spent doing minimum wage brainlessness drudgery, the entire weekend wasted; all for £300 extra a month after taxes
>don't go in to the store, go back to flat
>go in to central London for my usual walk and then a walk through a park
>listen to podcasts
>now drinking coffee
>unsure what I'll eat tonight

Last night in McDonalds I saw this pack of zoomer chads and staceys. The chads had the British youtuber accent.

I saw this late 30s / early 40s GigaStacey and it was depressilising. On the bus I sat in the back and saw three qts leave in a short space of time. One with tight jeans, the other with coloured leggings, and the other smooth legs and it made me think that this is the female equivalent of coomers.

What do I eat tonight? McDonalds is bland. KFC is badly cooked and I had it recently. Burger King is too much of a meaty chemical internal explosion.

I voted for brexit and don't regret it but reading the farce of EU council meetings in Cameron's book makes me like it more. It's a shame that the EU has nothing close to silicon valley outside of London.

I wish there was a way to ask my new job for overtime. I would work more hours for more pay if I had the chance.

>had a KFC binge last night and told myself it was the last time
>woke up today at around 8.30 am, not sure if it was enough sleep
>immediately had cravings for... fruit and vegetables (no joke)
>go to store and walk against the tide of people going to work
>immediately get cravings for a last binge ever
>buy pepsi, crisps, Ben and Jerry's, and peanut m&ms
>buy fruit and vegetables
>eat the junk food and then have fruit and vegetables
>browse internet, drink coffee, do chores
>feel tired because of bad sleep
>decide to skip exercise and going to a retailcuck interview
>go in to central London on a hot and sunny day
>walk through a large park
>listen to Cumtown podcast
>walk some more
>have literally nothing to do and nowhere to go
>go to British library and feel demoralised after seeing happy young people
>currently drinking coffee 3 hours early
>feel so aimless without any junk food to look forward to tonight
>not sure if I will go on my usual walk this evening if I've already had coffee

I checked my bank balance and I am doing much better than I expected, even after all the fast food binges.

I read about art hoes and felt sad because I was too ugly and loserish to even have a beta orbiter phase.

I saw the Francis crick institute and felt subhuman for not being a scientist. I saw a co-working space and felt subhuman for not having a fun job with cool young people or being a startup millionaire.

The pointlessness of my free time can't be overstated. How will I spend the next 6 hours?

>had a large McDonalds binge last night and felt so fat
>slept at 1 am and got 8 hours of sleep
>woke up on a hot and sunny day
>drank coffee, browsed internet (saw Nadal was on course to beat Federer's slam count)
>had a retailcuck interview that I was just about to go to before I realised that I'd be late (I half-intentionally waited too late)
>apply for a few jobs
>leave flat just before noon to go in to central London and walk around and see daylight in my 20s and hope my relative youth spontaneously stops feeling wasted
>go walking a lot; feel sad when I see Staceys
>go through south Kensington and see rich, attractive people, more than on weekends, because the wagies aren't there
>see imperial college and feel like a subhuman for not being a scientist or tech millionaire
>see a Sackler sign on the V&A museum and think "Based Sacklers, dabbing on Midwestern hicks to pay for high culture"
>walk through some famous parks, see swans and ducks
>walk more
>see modern art on regents park
>walk through Camden Town and feel so sad at my subhumanity and then annoyed at how phony the place felt it and then weariness at my lack of purpose
>felt tired after lots of walking so I went back to my flat
>had a small junk food binge in flat, and felt a sugar rush that superseded the purposelessness
>went back outside for my usual walk and I have now walked over 10 miles today (inb4 Americans claim that's exercise)
>now drinking coffee and I'm going to watch qt with pol tonight

I went in to the V&A museum for a very short time and felt like such a phony because I have been there multiple times before and can't name one exhibit and creator. I don't have any interest in ancient pottery outside of museums.

I saw 5 blonde Staceys in quick succession before writing this post and it was depressilising.

I'm seeing lots of faggy black men in advert posters. Globohomo is coming for them. I saw a Five Guys and instantly thought "Five Eyes".

>woke up after staying up until 3 am to watch tennis
>browse internet on phone in bed, no longer banned from 4chan
>try to go back to sleep
>get out of bed, drink coffee, browse internet
>go jogging for a short time
>go to bank to open a savings account and feel sad for various reasons (feel poor; saw normies on suits interacting and it disturbed me deeply how easily they fit in)
>had a retailcuck interview scheduled but I didn't have time to get there
>had coffee in central London before another retailcuck interview
>go to store but can't bear to go in (I'd barely earn anything anyway)
>it's 5 pm and the Staceys and rich men are leaving their sinecures
>see middle aged and old men in suits and posh faces and gave them names in my head: Manningham, Uppingham, Coxsbottom, Breaststroke
>go back to flat, then back to central London for my usual walk and now late coffee
>felt sad because it was dark at 8 pm and summer is over; also saw the actual rich and high status people coming home at that time; also depressilised at seeing officeStaceys
>not sure what I'll eat today

I need to start writing my high level diary again. A few seconds ago I remembered a comfy memory where I sat at my parent's house and watched Metropolitan in my bedroom, which was kino enough to be affecting even though I wasn't in the cinema. But I can't even remember if I watched it this year or 2 or 3 years ago.

I saw that news story about the teen becoming blind due to his diet. I told myself this morning to have a vitamin pill but I haven't quite bothered to do it yet.

I simply can't bear to do anything productive because it feels neverending.

>had a burger king binge last night
>went to sleep really late; woke up at 7.30 am; feel really tired
>for once I go straight back to sleep and wake up a few hours later
>browse internet and drink coffee for a short time
>have two retailcuck job interviews today
>leave flat; first time I've left flat before 11 am for days; it's sunny and warm and there are chads and Staceys everywhere ("Everyone works a soul crushing job, bro!")
>go to job interview (got rejected by email later today)
>walk near a famous university and see happy young people everywhere, which feels bad
>go to second job interview
>almost don't go in, in case they made me do a trial shift, but I go in
>almost don't ask to see manager for interview because there are zoomer chads and Staceys nearby
>manager really dislikes my CV because I've switched jobs a bit more than he finds suitable
>go back to flat
>spend 3 hours browsing internet and drinking coffee because I have nothing better to do
>go in to central London for my usual walk
>see lots of officeStaceys, which is demoralising
>now drinking coffee
>not sure what I'll eat today

It will soon not even be worth getting a job before my new good one starts because I'll have to leave it so soon. UK NEETs will know what issues I'll face.

I'm in a familiar position: In my 20s, with my own flat in London, huge amounts of free time during summer, a good job coming up which takes away my short and medium term career worries... yet utterly fucking demoralised, wasting all my money on junk food and £3 coffees, and wasting time on either internet browsing or walking around the same places, feeling sad about life. And agonising about life philosophies and epiphanies and my own laziness and my future hard life due to my ugliness etc.

I listened to the BEE / Tarankino podcast (which I have nostalgia over listening to in 2016). I thought about going to the cinema but the magic is dead.

I feel like such a sucker for buying coffee. But setting myself a rule to not buy one feels like cucking myself with spooks. I should freely choose not to buy it.

>had a good old fashioned junk food binge in my flat last night- Doritos, Ben and Jerry's etc.
>wake up at 6.30 am or maybe 7 am
>feel so damn tired but spend a few hours browsing internet on my phone in bed
>go back to sleep for a few hours, wake up at 11.40 am
>browse internet, drink coffee
>suddenly get multiple retailcuck job interviews; immediately feel pathetic for not making use of my NEETness
>go to gym for light lifting
>go in to central London; go for my usual walk; have seen very few Staceys today so I'm not too demoralised (left flat too early to see the officeStaceys); read first 50 pages of a history book in library
>now drinking coffee
>not sure what I'll eat today

I flail around between guilt for wagecuckery and guilt for not making use of my NEETness / guilt for not making as much money as I can at this moment. It's just 24/7 guilt plus agonising over whether or not to start my real and hard working life tomorrow.

I keep thinking of each job as the one that will straighten me out, give me structure, force me to become hard working and value my free time. Of course it never happens.

I get so jelly when I read about people with low rents in large cities because they can stand sharing because they have friends. I take so long to shave and shower and all that.

I tell myself I should draw a line under this long pointless period of my life by updating my (high level and private) diary, maybe compiling my selected posts in to an essential collection, maybe writing a work of fiction that is mostly based on myself. I keep putting it off. The book would be dull shit and focus on trivial things, although I think my shitposts have a definite small amount of sociological value because no other beta male writes as extensively as me on 4chan about everyday life. I guess the definitive beta diary would have him trying and failing. I mostly haven't tried.

I read China Mieville's wiki page and felt depressed at his success at a young age.

>had a McDonalds binge last night
>woke up today at 9 am
>browsed internet, drank coffee
>left it really late to go to a fast food retailcuck job interview; leave flat but when it becomes 10 am I go straight back to my flat instead of walking in late; kind of glad I was late because working the job would've been humiliating
>decide to go and see the new Tarankino
>go and see it, and stupidly buy a drink and popcorn; those plus the ticket cost me £26 (felt like a natural sucker) and I suddenly regretted missing the interview
>film was kino
>go for my usual walk in central London
>see lots of Friday Staceys and feel sad
>now drinking coffee
>read a pol topic mentioning NRx and the idea of born slaves and now I'm happier that I'm a NEET
>haven't exercised today and feel fat; will probably have a fast food binge tonight anyway

I hadn't been to the cinema since seeing Blade runner 2049 in late 2017. Film and Hollywood really feels totally dead. I remember going to the cinema a lot to feel better during sad times (basically my entire adult life). Films are not relevant at all, culturally. Just like novels.

I am on NEETbux and have enough money but due to some slightly complicated stuff I won't go in to, an hour worked this month will earn me much more than an hour worked next month.

I listened to Blink 182 while browsing the internet and then saw an LA love letter movie. Not living in the past and in LA is pure cope. Only 80s and 90s New York can compare.

>had a tasty burger king binge last night
>woke up at 10 am, felt tired
>browsed internet, drank coffee, did chores
>read 60 pages of a book (still felt unfulfilled because it's mere consumercuckoldry)
>went to gym and the lifting seemed to be going ok until my tiredness kicked in and I had to finish early because I'm too weak
>also realised that my 3 week routine, which will culminate in 160 kg squats for 10x3, is less impressive than the 5x5 I did of the same weight 2.5 months ago; (the routine also stretched in to a 5 week routine because I skipped so many days)
>go in to central London to walk around
>walk my normal route
>Thursday is the new Friday, so I see lots of Staceys and qts getting ready to enjoy life, which is demoralising
>now drinking coffee

I have a retailcuck job interview tomorrow. I foolishly said I could work any amount of time. I have failed at being productive as a NEET. But I also failed to be productive during my free time as a wagecuck. I feel like this makes me a born slave and I need to turn down the job and work hard on stuff to redeem myself. The best case scenario is that I go tomorrow and get rejected and then I work hard.

I have said to myself a few times before: Just one more period of many hours of work and then I'll have the savings to be a guilt free NEET when the time comes. But I work and waste the money at the same time. I am a born consumercuck slave. But maybe I rationally see that I am ugly, charismaless etc. and therefore doomed.

I can't bear giving up coffee (or even only having it before 6 pm) to get good sleep, to lift well. I am at the max potential for myself in this state of bad sleep and skipped gym days.

I am enjoying the book. It is an upper middlebrow but fun book. The 20th century is the last century where British politicians and secret services can ever be depicted in fiction as anything serious, simply because of the UK's smallness.

Losing my freedom is so awful but I have no motivation to do anything.

>had junk food last night
>woke up at 7 am
>browsed internet on phone in bed instead of going back to sleep
>went back to sleep and was woken by alarm; had a retailcuck job interview at 10.15 am
>rainy day in London
>was almost late but jogged some of the way; I jogged for exercise yesterday; it's like pottery
>had to have a 45 minute trial where they asked me to do the menial retailcuck duties and I felt so pathetic (I'm 28)
>served customers; prepared food; did some cleaning
>I was so bad at cutting food and shit at the technique required
>despite being the school nerd, and having a STEM degree, I worried about being bad at preparing food as an indication of a low IQ (I worry about just-world human sorting, where everyone ends up where they deserve, in terms of their IQ (and IQ is overwhelmingly the main thing to care about and includes the ability to defer gratification, stay motivated etc))
>realise that I'll ask for part time hours because I can't stand full time
>it really hits home to me how I need to learn programming or have expertise in something
>go back to flat
>know I'm too tired to exercise today
>browse internet, drink diet Dr pepper, drink coffee
>sit at laptop in flat and feel like I have no motivation; feel ineffective and powerless; feel like I've never done anything non-trivial in my life
>read LinkedIn accounts; read the account of a guy who lived near me in my hometown (but I've never met) but is making probably over £100k at an exciting and growing company; he's only 2 years older than me
>go outside in to central London, in the rain, which is comfy
>go to the usual places
>walk through a park
>now drinking coffee

I did well at school and came from a middle class family (and I'm ugly and have zero charisma) so I know that society cheers on my failure.

I'm not sure what I'll eat tonight. I keep postponing the rest of my life so a junk food binge is acceptable.

I saw some Staceys and felt sad. Diet cola hasn't stopped my junk food cravings

>wake up at around 9.30 am
>browse internet, drink coffee, do chores
>apply for jobs that I could leave my future job for if I dislike it; applying for jobs is my only vaguely productive habit and it feels pathetic to not be able to do anything as a NEET except apply to be a wagie
>start reading a new book but it feels so consumercucky and pointless and I will leave it for later
>go jogging and it feels good
>go in to central London
>go to a famous museum and see exhibits
>see Japanese stuff and wonder what the Chinese people in the room think of it
>have a phone call relating to a retailcuck job interview I will have tomorrow, and which I'm likely to get (I can afford to do nothing but I can get more money this way; my current aspirations are more emergency savings, starting a savings account, and putting some money in to crypto so I can feel the market thrills with biz)
>see a demoralising amount of tourist Staceys (see a very demoralising office Stacey / qt hybrid later on)
>go on my usual walk
>sit in a library, skim through a book
>now drinking Starboocks at eets pyoorest
>eaten nothing all day, not sure what I'll have

I see office Staceys and now imagine them giving me bad performance reviews because they dislike me.

The way benefits work in the UK, working one hour could leave me only £3/hr net better off. But not if my some other stuff happens, in which case the hours I'll have worked through the month may leave me £8.21/hr better off. My situation is weird and the only certainty is that I'm lazy, want money, but haven't yet become vaguely frugal.

I made a topic on pol yesterday that really captured the right wing news consumer experience.

http://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/222784993

I haven't slept enough and I have felt tired all day.

I need to actually do stuff.

>had a McDonalds binge last night and then went home in the dark but without the Sunday sadness
>woke up today at 7 am, felt so tired
>slept for a few more hours
>woke up, still felt tired
>browse internet, drink coffee, waste time, post some good shitposts
>consider going back to parents'house for a week but trains cost so much
>almost go jogging but decide to postpone things until tomorrow
>go to retailcuck job interview and thankfully it wasn't too involved or long
>go back to flat but buy a small amount of junk food on the way back
>browse internet, delay going in to central London
>lie in bed, feeling tired
>go in to central London and have my usual walk
>now drinking coffee
>almost don't make this topic because nothinghappened lol but I may as well

I'm a demoralised NEET. I have a good job that starts in a few months but right now I can't motivate myself to do anything. I have interviews for retailcuck jobs but I don't think I can bear working in them.

I could go walking around London right now but there's no point. I'm a demoralised and blackpilled ugly 28 year old.

I can't be bothered reading books. It's just consumercuckoldry. I can't be bothered learning anything when normies get everything handed to them.

>wake up
>drink coffee, browse internet
>do some chores outside
>browse internet, drink coffee
>go to retailcuck interview
>drink coffee, browse internet
>go in to central London for my usual walk
>see a distressing amount of Staceys and qts on the underground
>feel like a loser even though I have free time and a good upcoming job in a few months
>looked at LinkedIn last night and everybody was either an interest rates trader who had gone to a private school and was 4 years younger than me or are senior programmers or something
>looked at Oxford maths and physics MSci past papers and felt like a subhuman for not having gone to an elite university despite having the a levels to do so and being the school nerd
>now drinking coffee on a busy Friday evening, no idea what I'll eat

For some reason I am envisioning my future job, and my not fitting in, and all my co-workers going drinking after work without me and taking part in office parties and so on. I can't be bothered with all that. They will hate me because the UK is a homogenous hivemend.

I've been unhappy during every combination of full time / part time, office / retailcuck, hometown / London, work.

Normies are always happy because every action they take is rewarded by other normies and increases their chances of success.

Some of my lifestyle views have been influenced by Taleb. I still think Antifragile is a great book. But I need to take what's good and move on. I am an autistic Anglo (brain), not a Med or Med wannabe. His "lazy half mafioso don, half Greek philosopher who only needs to laze in the sun to get great insights" schtick is do dumb and try hard. The alt right Twitter accounts are tearing him to shreds in hilarious ways. Although now that I am thinking what will change, I am still in the middle of the nihilistic void.

I pray for news stories about my former co-workers being in car accidents.

Going anywhere in zone 1 or 2 is now boring as fuck.

>be me
>wake up
>browse internet, drink coffee
>have interview for fast food retailcuck job in London (my good job doesn't start until October or November)
>decide not to go
>decide at the last minute that I should work to save as much money as possible; hard work pays off
>go to interview
>leave flat, in the sunshine
>walk past two young blonde Staceys who are drinking coffee
>walk past another blonde Stacey
>get to high street area and see a brown haired Stacey
>see the store I'm going to
>feel like such a cuck
>there are people making thousands online
>normies get everything handed to them
>I should savour my free time
>already slightly late; stand outside store and browse phone to procrastinate the decision to go in or not
>see more qts walk past, in addition to office workers
>the banality of minimum wage retailcuckery is literally EMANATING from the store
>the sweat caused by my rushing and the heat of the day, and my recognition of the post-fast food shift personal smell (that weird "doughy" smell on polyester clothes that feels like it's both organic and inorganic in some way; it's like if a bucket of fat and chemical waste gained sentience and burped on you) was demoralising
>suddenly realised that high migration caused by supranational and national governments keeps labour costs low; in a just world, working in fast food would pay twice what clothes shops pay; there is no honour in playing a rigged game
>go back to flat
>drink coffee, browse internet
>decide to go jogging but don't
>go outside and do some chores; almost bought binge food but only bought some diet fanta
>go in to central london to walk around
>browse books in library
>now drinking coffee

I don't know what I'll eat today.

>>13595867
>>go to retailcuck job interview and feel PATHETIC, as I see the Staceys and the qts go through the street outside, even though I know I have a good job lined up later this year
Were you fired from your other job, LF?

>had carby food last night, with a very small amount of junk food
>wake up, feeling really tired because of coffee last night
>read the last 60 pages of a history book; first time I've finished a physical book in weeks
>browse internet, drink coffee
>go to retailcuck job interview and feel PATHETIC, as I see the Staceys and the qts go through the street outside, even though I know I have a good job lined up later this year
>get back to flat and feel like I should've tried harder in the interview; the money may outweigh the humiliation
>browse internet
>decide to go to gym but sleep for 1.5 hours first
>wake up in the warm sterility of a weekday afternoon; the pathetic feeling that always follows that type of nap
>go to gym and heavy lifting goes well, so that particular patheticness melts away
>go in to central London to walk around; feel demoralised after seeing multiple Staceys in quick succession
>go to library, skim books, leave library
>now drinking coffee and browsing internet on phone

Nothing has really changed. I'm struggling to think of what to write about. I guess I don't know how those minimum wage workers I saw can really live with themselves. Any vaguely decent salaried role works out as being equivalent to a ridiculous amount of minimum wage hours. I look like an ugly nerd so it's not like people can look at me when I work in retail and think, "Good for that uneducated third worlder!" They think and say, "LOL, he doesn't have the people skills to hack it in a decent job! Now let's go on our third holiday this year with the money we saved because our parents bought us a house in London!"

I feel more British than most British people. I am the autistic Anglo ideal. You may not like it, but I am it. I console myself by seeing all social skills as a symptom of Americanised (Negrofied) culture. But this is out of step with actual British culture. The bullshitting non-specialist runs the UK and its transition to a services economy has intensified this.

>>13556711
Sucks to be you. I skipped exercise, drank coffee, and wasted time online, but ALREADY HAVE a retailcuck job I need to get to.

>woke up
>decided to skip exercise today
>drank coffee, wasted time online
>went to retailcuck job interview
>went back to flat, browsed internet, binged on junk food
>didn't leave flat until really late, after 8 pm
>now drinking coffee

This day is a bigger waste than most. I unironically haven't even seen a Stacey.

I spent the first 5 waking hours worried about a tight heart feeling, before realising it was chest doms.

>>13143489

I hate this type of stuff. I feel like being helped by this type of advice is solid proof of brainletism. If I can't fight my nihilism hand to hand, no spooks allowed, I feel like a failure

>>13143495

The NEET propaganda on this website has a point. I feel very mentally beaten up after a retailcuck shift, even a 4 hour one. It feels pathetic to be there when people my age are high paid lawyers etc.

>woke up
>drink coffee, browse internet
>go to gym for first time since Monday and it went ok
>drove around a bit
>accepted I won't be able to get a retailcuck job before I move to London so I'll have to ask my parents for more money
>now drinking Starboocks in car
>am about to read an enjoyable history book but I know it's merely consumercucking

I'm trying to pay less attention to politics and the cuckening of the UK. I can comfort myself with the idea that only one of these so called conservatives can become PM after May.

I feel like binging today on McDonalds. Maybe I can tell myself that tomorrow I'll start working on stuff in my free time

I drove around near my old school at 7 pm when there was still daylight. I was looking at the houses I'd walk past to go to school and how they were probably seen as Deanoboxes in the past. One boy's childhood is another man's Deanobox.

In a month and a half I'll be working in London, working 9 to 5 like a fucking cuck.

I have constant daydreams about what I'd be like if I was a politician and trying to be the PM. But I can't see myself ever building relationships with anyone. I draw a blank at that idea.

The BBC has gone in to climate change propaganda overdrive. I saw an article talking about the pointless shit people can do with regard to food. This is purely religious now. There was even an article where Greta Thunberg's family talks about her asceticism and ability to see CO2.

I worry that my extreme lack of motivation and initiative is a sign of having no free will. I am clearly not an NPC. But I feel like a mind inside the brain but with little access to the controls. I think the authenticity spook has cucked me hard. I hate all spooks, even if I choose them. Plans and schedules and rules are oppressive spooks. On the other hand, I am brutally blackpilled.

>woke up too early at 7 am
>browse internet on phone
>felt so fat
>almost went to retailcuck interview but didn't bother
>briefly considered delivering stuff for ubereats for extra money
>watch British YouTuber delivering stuff
>feel sad at seeing such a non cucked rich person who makes thousands by working 2 hours a day on YouTube and his clothes company
>decide it's a scam
>ate some food
>browsed internet
>drove outside
>ate some chocolate and supermarket sandwiches in car and feel really fat (haven't been to gym since Sunday)
>plan to drink Starboocks and read in car, go home, go to gym, and watch qt with pol

I finished a book yesterday. It was an enjoyable and therefore non pseud cred filled non-fiction book.

I have binged on junk food hard in recent days. I had a burger king binge yesterday.

I'm such a disgusting consumercuck. I just browse the internet. I've told myself that I should be a go-getter starting on Tuesday.

My next book I'll read is a history book about a great event that I'm supposed to know about but don't really care about.

In job interviews, you're judged solely on enthusiasm and normieness and looks. YouTubers are doing a real job. They're just better at what they do than plumbers or surgeons and so on.