Lads, i know, let me finish first. I also have to apologize in advance, english is not my native language.
Let me start by saying that i will be 24 years old coming next month.
How do you deal with it? When will it stop? All of us have heard this a hundred times before, same story. I have always been that silent kid, well, not exactly silent but let's just say that i was different, not by much. That kid who was popular without doing anything, not trying to be. I just knew what people wanted to hear because people are easy. When i started going to school, i noticed that the other kids where laughing and smiling a lot, they were happy. It's not that i didn't know why, i am mildly autistic, but not to such a degree. For example, them kicking the ball around without a purpose during break, was enough to make them happy for what seemed to be forever. Them seeing their parents after school when they came to pick them up, the bliss in those kids' eyes. I didn't feel it. The years went by and i kept telling myself
>''It's normal, it will go away when you get older''
>''It's normal, you are a teenager, it's the hormones. It will get better''
Well m8's, it doesn't. I will state the obvious again. Depression is just chemicals in the brain. So i tried with working out, serotonin, runners high the usual. It worked, for a while. I am good looking, 6 feet tall and i can talk to women, meaning that i never lacked in that aspect. Love, romance, sex. It's all necessary and natural and it also worked for a while. I found a good job, it make me happy, again, for a short ammount of time. I tried to live ironically, trying to blend in, it's the easiest thing to do, that's why everybody is doing it (being into pop-culture).
Switching hobbies like jackets is also something i tried. And everytime i would get REALLY into them, not just trying them out. Gettign really into music, learning the guitar, reading about classical music and the theory behind it, getting into movies, books, anime, manga, for fucks sake Lads i even got into competitive video gaming, hiking and what not. I was and still am constantly seeking for something meaningful that will last longer than just a couple of months and or years. And the only conclusion i could come up with is, starting a Family. But, what if i am still like this? What if i am still a faggot after having 3 beautiful kids (2 daughters and one son. Mideia, Semeli and narcissus) and decide that this isn't what i want from my life? I just realised how egoistic that sounds. Ok look, we are grown ups, i am not drunk, in fact, i am quite happy right now while i type this, i want a simple answer. I have been through many phases in my life, like most of you, too, that's why i ask you Lads.