/lit/ - Literature

>>22001720
>who are you
Your worst nightmare, bitch.
>>22001722
That's okay anon, keep doing it and don't let the fact you suck slow you down. We all sucked at some point. Even the people who don't currently suck.
If it's a story you really want to tell try to show how they met, build tension in their relationship, foreshadow disaster, pay it off with heartbreak.
You can do it!

>>22000181
Fix to
>All writers are losers at life.

>>22001696
>She's just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. He's just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit.
All the she's this he's that stuff was kind of boring and long winded and active scenes are better than summary.
Bitch.

AI is taking over, bitches!
Embrace it and make it work for you, or get left behind.

>>21999721
Lol you believed me.
Dummy.

>>21998981
I'm editing today. I edited 5,000 words. That counts. Fuck you.

>>21998883
>One admitted lie, one probable lie.
If anyone believed Balls Above the World got a netflix deal with only 1 chapter written and a few weeks after starting it, then they deserved to be deceived.
I know there are some stupid bitches out there, but come on.

Rape-anon was obsessed with the word phony and catching liars.
So, how is your owl bear rape story going?
I ask this with love <3

>>21998398
>phonies
How have you been? Rape anon?

>>21998234
>>21998398
I lied about the netflix deal.
And no I didn't finish it because I didn't feel like it.

>>21997430
Considering faggots always hating on my trip, I do not think it is just you.

>>21997299
Is it just me, or does Robert E. Howard kind of suck?

>>21997297
Would read. Shadow waifu interests me.

Yo.

>>21997024
>>21997082

>Heimdul's roar echoed through the battlefield as he sprang forward, his sword gleaming with deadly grace. Pogba, momentarily disoriented, saw only a cascade of red sparks as the song of colliding blades filled the air. Once a steadfast protector, his helmet shattered into fragments of blue flame.

>Though unsteady, Pogba channeled the strength of his broad shoulders into a desperate thrust. The humming blade, now an extension of his will, pierced brass scales, splintered bone, and punctured heart. In a final, poignant moment, the red-haired warrior met his end, collapsing at Pogba's feet.

>>21631347
I was saying your writing was bad, not that "head hopping" was automatically bad.
It is probably actually one of the easier styles to work with as you are less limited. You did it poorly as it reads like more of a summary than a passage.

>>21630205
I think I see what you are going for, though. The winner doesn't want his status, the loser is watching from binoculars wishing it was him. I like the irony, but you executed the passage poorly.
There are no names, I'm not sure why the "match" took place in walking distance to an airplane, I don't know what the match was for, the characters don't have names, etc....
As the other anon says, it reads like a summary. Try again and flesh it out.

>>21631055
Doesnt matter if it's head hopping or not. It's bad either way.

>>21614223
How long do you think it will take AI to analyze every book in the world? The answer is not long. It's not several hundred years away it's just a few years away, probably sooner. This shits advances so quickly.
With that said, giving an AI a prompt and letting it do it's thing will mainly only replace erotica and maybe really cliche genre fiction. For actual good writers it will be a tool that helps them reach a new level. It already works really well as a thesaurus, much better then Google searches.
Artists are fucked, writers just got handed a fucking golden egg.

>>21600925
>You can believe me or not, but I was very obviously being sarcastic.
Don't worry, I believe you. There is no confusion about you being sarcastic.
Problem is, I gave you some advice about the poor phrases you used and instead of taking the feedback you got sarcastic, as if I didn't take time out of my day to point out what seems to be a consisted problem with your writing. Phrases that don't actually say anything. It is not a good strategy, and it doesn't work.
>ironically the smug asshole
I wasn't smug, uncivil maybe, after you were a dick about my perfectly polite and helpful feedback, but not smug.
>couldn't even take the time to see what exactly was being asked of them and just spouted off on grading a paper for a different class.
I love that you think you're being clever with this. But, sounds to me like you are looking for very specific feedback that pats you on the back and understand everything you are trying to do. You won't take in helpful criticism if you only acknowledge what you want to hear. You might as well just critique yourself at that point as it will save you time from fishing for the magic reply that affirms your preconceived notions of your own writing. That's not how you improve. Take critique and be like, "Ah okay, guess 'bizarre sensation' really doesn't say anything."

I'm not taking tips on how to critique you before I do so, I'm just going to read it and tell you what I think. If you don't want to take it then that's your loss, but, your phrasing does indeed suck.

>>21598183
Call it "Kennedy's Game"
You're welcome.

>>21599614
>And sure I could say
Know what? This shits been pissing me off all day. You either didn't understand or ignored my good advice about phrases that actually fucking mean something and you were kind of a smug shit about it. I promise there is nothing special about what you have written, it's not good even for a rough draft. It's pretentious yet poorly written and I can't see any amount of editing turning it into something that someone will actually want to read.
You're shit, you're writings shit, you're ideas are shit.

>And sure I could say
Shit.
Fuck!

>>21599614
>You did see me say this is not the start of the story, nor is it anywhere near the start?
I did not, so sure, that might change things. Those phrases I pointed out are still bad though.

>And sure I could say "their body duplicates across two probable realities before their initial probable state collapses into the rendered approximation of reality generated within the gates spacial field before manifesting their original state into the connected equally probable temporal state on the other side." Imagine falling into a black hole contained in 2d space that approximates you in its exit point, a white hole in 2d space, before they mutually annihilate under the infinite absorbtion and construction that was the travellers third dimensional aspect. Or I could just say from their pov it feels weird and inexplicable since it would be. I could stylized the stretching of the band analogy better sure, but as stated this is far from final edits. It's just polished enough for I hoped would be a tolerable read.
I have no idea what the fuck you just said, so no, don't do it like that.

>>21596947
>https://pastebin.com/3R09d3FJ
Read the first bit of it.
It may simply not be for me. It seems this is for a rather nich audience, but it comes off as a bit tryhard anyway. Doesn't give anything to latch onto and make me care about what's happening. Does not really draw intrigue about whatever mysterious circumstance this ambiguous character has either.
"Bizzare sensation" is pretty bad. It's one of those phrases that accomplishes nothing as a bizarre sensation can mean anything. So, bad to have that right in the first sentence.
"Immeasurable distance" has the same problem.
Same as "they feel as time slows to a near stop"
You seem to favor these un-commital phrases. It's not being ambiguous; it comes off as if you don't know how to describe it, so you are attempting to hide that fact by trying to sound cool and mysterious

Perhaps you are going about it the wrong way, though. Maybe start with a more disconnected view from the narration (while also using more useful phrases) something like,
>The creature steps through the gate. Instantly they are blinded by white light as their body is stretched like a dry-rotted rubberband, then, all at once, snapped back together. Disoriented, they reach for the wall, feeling nausea wash over them.

You know, not exactly like that, I wrote that in like 2 seconds, but you get the idea. Use phrases that actually show the reader something.

Just stopping by to admit I lied about getting a Netflix deal.

>>21016065
Oh, and if that's true, work on your editing process. That might be where some of your troubles stem from as well. I spend WAY more time editing than writing new shit.