/lit/ - Literature

>>4919056
You don't know what you are talking about. The district with the most funding in the US is DC and they rank the worst. Two third of dc public school teachers send their own kids to private.

The problem is stupid parents have stupid children, and stupid parents also vote stupidly, for corrupt and incompetent school leaders.

The answer is vouchers.

>>4904997
>>>4904975
>This sounds like it will sell spectacularly.

Troll.

It's one thing to give an opinion about something's quality, but where did you get the qualifications to even begin to make that assertion?

>>4904951
I'm sure you can find any famous, successful author who did something. George Saunders is also inventive in that way. But you're not them and I'm telling you why it's a bad idea. I'd also like to ask Faulkner why he felt it necessary when the tone makes it apparent.

Using tricks is not a substitute for precision in expression. You may as well draw a thought bubble around them.

>>4904975
Your prose don't justify your scope. I'm pained to think where this chosen one-first person will go.

>>4904698
I did comment, but I commented in your reply to me.

>>4904688
Oh, I also associate that work with the music of his sister, which I also associate with the late 90s.

>>4904688
Okay, please forgive my oldfaggyness. I remember reading it when I lived in a certain apartment and was a senior in college which was mostly in the 90s, but I graduated in 2000.

>>4904677
Yeah, I read HoL in the late ninetees. Holy hell, that was eye-opening.

That format doesn't work so well on my Kindle, though :(

>>4904659
Okay, Fifty Year Sword.

But I was just making a joke; but are you seriously saying there are others out there that I've missed? What are they?

>>4904651
Oh, I get it. You're uneducated, lazy, and unoriginal, but you can cover all of that up by describing it as "postmodern."

Cool trick, bro. How's that intro to creative writing class going? Think you're going to take intermediate in the fall?

>>4904638
Parentheses do not belong in the narrator's voice because they are already an "aside."

And yeah, I dislike the lyrical verse/formatting because that's a cheat. It's creative in the same way that changing font colors or size would be.

>>4904624
It was original to me, but it doesn't surprise me at all that it's common; that was my point. It's universally apparent.

>>4904605
I've never heard a teacher say this, and I've had many. It occurred to me after reading too many bad stories from beginner, unpublished writers in workshops.

Anyway, good luck getting published.

>>4904589
Yes, that's what art is, but it can do that only if it isn't completely dependent upon context. And in this case, it is.

>>4904579
The seams show. Badly. I suspect you're trying to imitate the style of something else you've read and were impressed with.

To really break rules, you first have to know them. So I would suggest you try writing a simple, straight story in an accessible style first.

Because if you can't do that, you have no hope of doing what you're trying to do. Follow?

>>4904572
Then you know how I feel

However, if you're trying to be a serious writer, you need to be a serious reader, and reading the Bible is as important as any work in understanding literature.

>>4904561
>Please don't comment on that opening joke because its inanity is sort of the point and that's all anyone ever notices.

Maybe you should take the hint.

>>4904554
I don't get it; I take it as a string of insider jokes? To me, it's like fan fiction; if you aren't familiar with the source material, it's not really of any value to you.

>>4904444
No, but not too bad. Could use some editing. Remove "rather." Also, I think you need it to be a series of poloriods and then you describe only the last one; otherwise saying there is a "set" of them kind of jumps out at us.

>>4904419
Remove "solid," change "size, but the" to "size. The "

"was about to" to "was to"

>>4904301

There is a subtle quality in good writing that, often from the first sentence, lets your subconscious know that you're in the hands of a master. It's a comforting feeling and it arises from a sparkling of originality, a smooth flow of prose, an inventive use of language. It allows you to trust the author, and only if and when the author has your trust can he create truly good art.

Among published, I like pretty much anything that makes the cut in the more popular journals (though I read them regardless because, well, that's what I write). Missouri Review, NYer, Paris, Tin House, One Story, Zeotrope, etc.

If I had to point you to a single work off the top of my head that I can direct you to, I'd say "Roy Spivey" by Miranda July. You can listen to Davis Sedaris read it aloud here: http://www.newyorker.. com/online/blogs/books/2012/11/fiction-podcast-david-sedaris-reads-miranda-july.html

I will say that 4904160 was really competent. And the cat fucking opening, I admit, was well done and made me want to read more.

>>4904245
Competently written, a order of magnitude beyond the other stuff posted here, so I'll up the ante on the level of my critique. You don't really get any benefit from complements, so I'll spare you.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm burned out on fresh out of school ennui with a liberal arts degree stories. I suspect lit agents / journal editors are, too, since they get so much of it.

In a micro scale, something 'adds to my irritation.' But irritation is not what is being exuded in the previous nor the following sentences. Sadness, morose, maybe, but not irritation. So 'irritation' blipped out at me and I started to lose trust in the writer. Rather than replace it, that sentence could go. It reads better without it, anyway

>>4904177
Keep writing, but especially keep reading. That's especially important.

>>4904162
I don't think I critiqued the em dashes but they are another sign of beginner writers (I need to make a list). They are for really rare and severe interruptions. If a comma works, use a comma. But in this case, I don't understand how you can go from ignored to celebrated, forget about the em dash issue.

There's also redundancy in the narrator's adjectives.

Try:

Two young women staggered out of the woods onto the wagon-worn road. The smaller of the two grinned. “Finally,” she said. Joy escaped from under two days of sweat, dirt, and feculence.

(Okay, cut feculence if that's too much.)

>>4904146
Because you aren't really writing a story, you're just telling us what you, the author, think, in a very direct way and in a way that's difficult to read and unoriginal.

While I get most of the commentary or references, I didn't enjoy reading them. They didn't seem clever or original. It's as if I was on a train and overheard some freshman whose parents are paying $50k for his education at a second tier school was trying to sound smart to his friend. I'd curse myself for forgetting my headphones.

Happy, pappy?

>>4900549
No. Confused. So strippers are really emotionally dead inside, and that contrasts with Jewel, who is different because she can't be touched. See how that doesn't really have any kind of parallelism? It would make sense if JEwel's eyes WERE alive. But your description makes her seem no different from the strippers in the first paragraph.

>>4900556
No. What's a shattering scream? First sentence overwrought.

>>4900561
Okay, hahah.

>>4900984
Okay, this isn't awful. You avoid many of the mistakes of your peers.

>>4901066
No. Boring angst shit. But you already knew that. Why'd you post it? Jeez.

>>4901261
No. Your narrator is confused and so are we. And why would he say "bah." Is he a sheep?

>>4901299
No. Pretty confusing, but it might be okay for a genre person.

>>4901883
No. The first period should be a comma. " when he did" cut. Oh, and now it's poetry. No, thanks.

>>4902740
No. Overwrought.