/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

A magical transcendant loli wizard from the future appears one day in your home, and explains that she has taken pity on your miserable existence, and you may have one of four gifts, of which you may not sell, give or otherwise get rid of:

1: The Enchanted NEET Wallet:

This wallet will magically produce 500 USD in it once a week. It is inflation-proof, and will always yield the equivalent of 500 USD in 2012 dollars. You cannot save the money for more than a year at a time. If you get a job or another source of income, the wallet will explode. You may not sell or otherwise financially profit from the wallet it any manner aside from the money it produces.

2: The Mystical Otaku Gloryhole:

This magical item will allow you to summon a cock whenever you want one. It is simply a nice-looking, decorative wall with a hole in it that cocks will come through when you press a button on it. You can suck on the cock, put it in your butt, or just sniff it all you want. You cannot charge people to use the gloryhole or otherwise financially benefit from it in any way.

(cont)

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610360

3: The Doll of The Neckbeard Wizard:

An enchanted doll in the gothic-lolita style of about a foot and a half tall that can come to life for 5 hours a day. You can play games with it, fuck it, make it suck your dick, drink tea and eat cake with it, etc. whatever you want. However, the doll has a perfect memory, and will remember everything you have done to it, and will act accordingly. It will never attempt to harm or hurt you physically, but it may verbally insult you after a while if you treat it poorly. You can easily overpower her, however, so rape is always an option. The doll is anatomically perfect for the 5 hours that it is alive a day. Once you have started the 5 hour period, it cannot be interrupted or paused. You cannot sell or otherwise financially benefit from her in any way.

4: The Mystery Box

To be revealed after 50 posts. Choose it at your own risk. It could be grand or terrible. The loli wizard makes no promises and gives no hints to it's contents.

[Anonymous No.]

/v/-tier thread.

[Anonymous No.]

>The Mystical Otaku Gloryhole

Fuck off with your spam

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610366
Hah, you'll never get your 50 posts!

Also your image of otaku culture is fucked up.

[Anonymous No.]

ＧＪ！　Ｋｅｅｐ　ｕｐ　ｔｈｅ　ｇｏｏｄ　ｗｏｒｋ　ｐｒｏｍｏｔｉｎ
ｇ　ｏｔａｋｕ　ｃｕｌｔｕｒｅ

Ａｌｓｏ　Ｉ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｔａｋｅ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｏｘ

[Anonymous No.]

Is the cock always the same? Or will it change randomly? Will it always be cute or always be large? Or can we choose the cock?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610372

>The Mystical Otaku Gloryhole

I see someone has made their choice

[Anonymous No.]

I hope the mystery box opens a stream where all the /jp/ IRC shitposters kill themselves one by one with a shotgun to the head.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610381

You cannot choose the cock. It is summoned from a random male. However, it is always clean of STDs or other ailments.

[Anonymous No.]

Obviously the wallet

[None !FIreFlyLqM No.]

The wallet of course. $500 a week is crazy.
The box is very enticing though.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610388
But I love you anon... ;_;

[Anonymous No.]

I'll take the wallet, onegai!

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610387
Couldn't I just press the button again to get a different one or am I forced to make it cum?

[Anonymous No.]

carry on

[Anonymous No.]

3 but would not fuck

[Anonymous No.]

I sure hope this thread gets deleted before it reaches 50 posts.

The box, please.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610366
The Doll of The Neckbeard Wizard seems ineteresting but I will go for The Mystery Box.

[Anonymous No.]

Why can't the doll be a character of choice? I would want it to be like Patchouli.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610401

You must make the cock cum at least once. If you get a cock you like, though, you can play with it until it gets hard again if you want, as long as you want. The button won't get rid of a cock after you've summoned it until it's cum at least once, though, as I said.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610387

Does that mean that when the button is pushed, somewhere in the world someones cock will randomly disappear out of sight only to materialize perhaps many miles away and get sucked off by some fat neckbeard?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610407
What happens if I cut off the cock or otherwise mutilate since its stated it is an actual persons cock.

[Anonymous No.]

3 of course. It'd be worth paying 500 dollars a week for that.

[Anonymous No.]

The wallet please.
My shithole of a country is so cheap that $1500 a week makes me a rich fucking man.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610408

They go into a trance and a summoning circle appears over their penis and swallows it. It's like a dick-portal.

[Anonymous No.]

The wallet.

[Anonymous No.]

Are you trying to investigate how many rich people there are on /jp/ or what? That wallet is completely CRAZY.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610424
I meant $500.

[Anonymous No.]

le OP is le faggot XD

[Anonymous No.]

NEET wallet means I can't have more than 24k a year, that's shit.

Glory hole is nice, but the doll is just magnitudes better. I come home from my job making 80k a year, and have fun with my little doll waifu.

I'll take the doll!

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610417

Nothing. Once the cock comes through the portal, you can do whatever you want to it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610366
I'll take #3 if it looks and acts like Ilya, allowing me to spoil her rotten with sweets, tea, and good conversation for 5 hours a day to combat my crippling loneliness

[Anonymous No.]

Wallet so I can commission as many lewd pictures as I want.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610434

Oh-but keep in mind, you can't summon another cock until you make the one you summoned cum. It's hard to make a penis you've cut off ejaculate. Do you want to break your magical dick wall?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610440

Cockstump.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610434
Well would this count as a cum and qualify for a new cock or am I stuck with a cock stump in my wall?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610437
Simple, you make it cum and then you mutilate the penis.

[Anonymous No.]

Mysteries are always best.

[Anonymous No.]

What is gothic lolita style, is it cute?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610366
If the mystery box doesn't contain a device that turns me into a pretty young girl any time I wish I'm going to track you down and murder your entire family.

[Anonymous No.]

Is the doll difficult to manage? As in, is it difficult to get on good terms with it, or will just generally being a nice guy suffice to get her to like you?

[Anonymous No.]

what about the cock? is the semen tasty? or just the precum?

btw i'm a girl.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610360
That wallet is very tempting, but it will be hard to explain when filing taxes. I don't really want to be involved with laundering money nor do I want to be arrested for tax evasion.

I don't want to want the gloryhole, but it can't be helped. I want the gloryhole.

[Anonymous No.]

>Posts: 43

If everyone claps their hands and says "Meido-sama, meido-sama, please sweep this thread away" three times It may go away before the 50th post

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610456

Since it's already established that it's the cock of some random dude in the world, it'll be that guys semen you get.

[Anonymous No.]

Is $500 a week considered a little? Because I can survive on $600 a month. Less if I lower the amount I eat. $500 a week is perfect.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610459
Don't bully OP.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610465
I survive on about $400 a month, including the rent.
The wallet makes me rich.

[「ロリあき」 No.]

I'd suck the HELL out of the cock!

[Anonymous No.]

What happens if I separate the doll's limbs when she is unenchanted, and then she is enchanted. Does she feel pain or can she still control her limbs?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610454

No. It has a kind personality. It will be quite nice if you are nice to it. It may or may not be interested in doing lewd things with you, however.

[Anonymous No.]

2 more posts

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610465

Not being able to get another source of income for fear of breaking the wallet is a bit of an issue.

OP, just what counts as an alternate source of income? Does it have to be work, or are you not permitted to receive money as gifts either? What about autismbux and similar?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610470

She will reassemble into her original form and begin the 5 hours with no knowledge of being disassembled.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610482
Dont forget the wallet cant possibly help you pay for insurance, unless youre a nothing that will never be able to aford it anyway it may be a trap option.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610465
No, it's a huge sum.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610483
What if my penis is inside her when the 5 hours are up?

[Anonymous No.]

The doll if she is nice to me, otherwise I'll take the wallet.

[Anonymous No.]

The Mystery Box has been opened!

You may select one Idol from idolmaster to be your live-in maid for life. She will cook all of your meals, empty your piss bottles, and keep you company. You may do lewd things to her if you wish; she will obliged and obey you as her master. She will never age, and will cease to exist when you die.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610486
Your penis is stuck inside a doll for the next 19 hours. Enjoy trying to piss.

[Anonymous No.]

WHAT'S IN THE BOX

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610472

Well, that settles it then. The doll it is.

Do you have any influence in its appearance and personality? And if so, how much?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610490
Calling Takane

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610490
>idolmaster
Worst box ever.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610490
Hibiki or the twins? Do the twins count as a single idol?

[Anonymous No.]

Investing the money would qualify as not a savings, and would be within the "any manner aside from the money it produces" rule.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610490
I'll take the wallet.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610490
will she pay my rent?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610500

Investing would generate income.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610490

Ooooh, nice. I usually avoid the boxes for fear of eternal damnation, but this is good. Chihaya, easily.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610499

You cannot have both twins. Only one.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610490
Ok how is the doll possibly better than this option? The doll can hate you but the maid can't. The maid can do things but the doll cant and is alive for less hours. This is unbalanced.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610514
Life isn't balanced fufufufufu

[Anonymous No.]

I'll take the doll. It can be like real life Rozen Maiden.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610509
That is not against the rules. Income from another source is against the rules. Investing is powered by the same source.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610514

The maid can hate you, they just have to obey you.

You should've chosen the box. For the increased risk, the anons that chose it received a larger reward.

Also, some people hate idolmaster and the idols, and would prefer to live with a magical doll.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610490
overpowered as fuck, anyone who doesn't take this is a faggot or stupid.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610532
You never said we couldn't choose our wish after you revealed the fourth option. I haven't made any decision yet that's why I was asking questions so I would have the most complete knowledge to draw from.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610540

That's fair. I should've stated the box wasn't an option after it was revealed, but I didn't, so, yeah.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610532
Also, I could just tell the maid she isn't allowed to hate me, and then she wouldn't be able to hate me.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610490
Will she get a job and let me freeload for life?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610529
I'd still take the wallet.

[Anonymous No.]

Are the Idols difficult to get along with? Do they, like the doll, respond well to being treated well, or are they more difficult to get on the good side of? Obviously this depends on their personality as well, but you may view this as a question of difficulty level.

Because while I could just order her to do my bidding, that would feel kind of crap after a while.

[Anonymous No.]

so I could get an idol to be my slave, then impregnate her.
Wait until she lactates, and abort the baby.
Keep sucking on her tits every day and I can be the baby, and she wont stop lactating.

Perfect.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610598

[Anonymous No.]

Whats the blonde ones name?

[Anonymous No.]

Option 1 forces you to do nothing with your life. Sorry, I'm not a NEET. Option 2 is for faggots. Option 3 is FUCKING AMAZING, unless she's horribly judgmental and simply hates being activated at all. I know how to be kind and friendly to people; we'd get along great.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610630

This reply was mostly typed right at the start of the thread, but then my IMS in TERA popped, so I had to run the instance before finishing the post. I don't regret my choice; I don't even know what idolm@ster is.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610532
It's people like you with the mentality that taking on risk somehow always pays off or is even very admirable that have helped fuck up the economy. Even the banksters and stock jocks were impressionable kids once when they were exposed to this shit. Gambling especially with other people's money and well-being like greed is good huh.
>>9610540
Smart man. You probably wouldn't need a bailout.

[Anonymous No.]

1 seems like a good choice at first, but it's actually vastly inferior to 3. If you pick 3, you just have to go to a shrink and tell them the honest story about how you have a cute doll that you drink tea with every day, and you'll get free autismbux in addition to the doll. It's win/win.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610653
I just picked the mystery box because I enjoy being at the mercy of little girls.

[Anonymous No.]

Do I have to provide for them, food and drink and clothing and so forth, for options three and four?

[Anonymous No.]

Jesus christ, this is horrible. No turning into a little girl? And 500 USB is less than what I get for autismbux.

Go fuck yourself, OP.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610653
I thought they did it because they just didn't give a shit. People who handle large amounts of money usually don't believe in outcomes, they choose them. That's why it's a good idea to keep the masses as busy as possible. The name of the game is to reap the rest of the world and ensure inner stability by shoveling wealth on the uninformed.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610360
>>9610366
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>>9610775
>>>/v/

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610775
The education under the capitalist system has contorted to the point where people are encouraged to worship risk takers and risk for the sake of risk. It doesn't help one bit. Even bigwigs who think they're invincible can still fall if they dismiss risk altogether. No one sees the downside or potential problems. Just look at the assumption that housing prices would absolutely always rise that helped underpin the housing bubble and sub-prime issuance.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9611093

Risk takers have always been worshipped-they're viewed as courageous, brave and determined. Capitalism doesn't have risk takers-it has owners. What's more fucking safe than owning so much that causing half of it to burn does absolutely nothing to you, but causes everyone else to suffer? It might be a form of gambling or "risk-taking" but it can hardly be considered a risk to those involved. Those big-wigs you mentioned are just playing a game they can't lose.

[None !Nipaa0mi0. No.]

>>9610360
The Doll of The Neckbeard Wizard seems like the best choice provided she assumes regular loli size when activated. Trying to preform certain actions with her would be rather difficult if she remains a foot and a half in size.

[Anonymous No.]

Can I just have Ilya instead?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9611444

What if the doll WAS Ilya?

[Anonymous No.]

A foot and a half tall? How is my cock supposed to fit?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9611483

But it wouldn't be Ilya. It would be a doll acting like her.

[Anonymous No.]

500 a week is 24000 a year, which isnt much.
A STEM graduate can expect to get at least 70000 a year.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9611689
Hate to break it to you, but they don't magically hand you the money once you get a degree - you have to this weird thing called "work", I don't know if you've ever heard about it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9611689

Yeah, but you have to work almost every day of the week.

I'd take 24k a year as a result of doing NOTHING but opening a wallet every day and then doing whatever I want over busting my ass all goddamned day and maybe having three or four hours to unwind and dread the next day.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9611711
Ah, so you have an aversion to work.
Well that's your problem, not mine.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9611689
500 a week is actually 26000 per year. That extra $2000 can buy an extra 40 fumos, for example.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9612121
Clearly he's not and probably never will be a STEM graduate.

[Anonymous No.]

GOT JA!

[Anonymous No.]

Those are all terrible choices...

[Anonymous No.]

>>9612263

You don't want a cute little doll girl to hang out with or a lovely idolm@ster maid? Or a free 500 dollars a week? Or a dickwall?

Just what DO you think you want?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9612280
I don't enjoy interaction, so the doll and the maid are out of the question. As for the wallet, not only is $500 too little, the imposed limitations further devalue the choice. The dickwall... Well, I don't really know what to say about that.

If the wallet provided greater cash yield ($1000+), I would choose it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9612293
>The dickwall... Well, I don't really know what to say about that.
You are so amazed by the idea that you can't say anything?

[Anonymous No.]

>>9612324
Uh, I guess you could say that. I think I'd tire of it quickly, however.

[Anonymous No.]

Clearly 1.

500 dollars a week is more than most people get for autismbux (you don't get weekly payments, you get biweekly at most) and $26k is livable, though you might have to make a few sacrifices. (Also, do you say that you don't make any money on income taxes, or will that become a non-issue? Can you get food stamps and such while on #1?)

[Anonymous No.]

>>9612335
I think government support is okay. You could also invest it and get more money that way, which is also okay.

[Anonymous No.]

I'll take the wallet.

[Anonymous No.]

If it's only $500 a week how am I going to afford my $600 cell phone bill and cigarettes and combo meals at mcdonalds and paying the neighbor kid to pirate movies for me?

[Anonymous No.]

In my place $26k is a very good wage of educated specialist with 5-10 years of experience. So definitely 1.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9612341
I suppose that government support doesn't extend to things such as autismbux, but since you have no income you can get section 8 housing and food stamps...

I think I'd rather just get a tiny apartment in a very small town or something. (But just big enough to have internet and stuff, maybe one of those suburbs that's like two hours from a city). Or I could live at home for one year, invest wisely, and then buy a relatively small condominium. That way, everything's paid off. It's not like anyone on /jp/ would need a big house anyways, so at that point all you'd have to pay would be utilities and taxes (which would be relatively low as you have no actual income).

If I had food stamps I wouldn't even have to worry about how I ate either, and then I'd just have to make sure I got insurance and stuff. I'm not really sure how much insurance costs though, but if you get a condominium, it should be affordable even after all that.

And the rest you can save briefly or blow on figures and stuff. I'd say 1 sounds like a really good deal, because you don't have to do SHIT, and you don't even need to claim you're mentally handicapped (as that often screws you over later in life, and you might get put into facilities that take poor care of you and lead you to die a lot earlier than you normally would, plus you get medication with lots of wonky side effects anyways).

[Anonymous No.]

1 of course.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9612463
I dont think you get it, paying for insurance out of pocket will murder your bank account, thats why theres such a shit storm over it in america right now. the only affordable way to get insurance is through employment, and often employers will game the system so they dont have to pay for it, and pay off the government so they don't make it public so they don't have to pay for it, effectively stranding most people who are poor without any means of procuring health insurance.

[Anonymous No.]

I go to sleep earlier this morning and now I wake up and I still see this thread and that it has a hundred posts. Because of this I just can't take it easy. You guys really need to stop.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9610988

nice

[Anonymous No.]

>>9612750
They have a vagina, I guess.

[Anonymous No.]

eheheheheheh

[Anonymous No.]

>>9612147

You still have to work as a STEM graduate, idiot. Free money has far more relative worth than money gained by working.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9613847
Are you autistic?

[Anonymous No.]

NEET wallet, for sure.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9613852

No.

But apparently you've never actually had a job, and have no idea how much of your life it consumes.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9613861
Again, are you autistic? I was making a joke about his mistake.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9613861

Oh god this is embarrassing. Cut your losses anon; I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Everyone misreads a post or quotes the wrong post occasionally.

[Anonymous No.]

>>9613892
Cut him some slack, I didn't get it before >>9613865.

[Anonymous No.]

I'll take the wallet

I could finally travel to glorius Japan!