/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

In honor of watching Mongol today, I think it's time for a Suika thread.


You are a proud warrior in East Asia, serving a most charismatic and ambitious young warlord by the name of Temujin. In his glorious unification of his ancestral homeland, you serve him with the might and energy of a hundred men. After the most magnificent of battles, you see a strange distortion of space, where two oddly clothed women, one who somehow appears to have several large furry tails, are dragging exhausted sleeping soldiers. You, knowing no fear, charge towards the women full bore. However, you misjudge the distortion, falling through time and space.

When you finally gather your wits, you find yourself in a strange world, one you gather must be tales of the land far to the east beyond the sea. You find you have landed in a place called "Hakurei Shrine", and that the lady in charge is a miko by the name of Reimu. She's rather annoyed by your less than pleasant smell and tendency to devour a small feast at one sitting. Worse yet, you don't have any of this "money" stuff she keeps going on about. She mutters under her breath how you must be another "oni".

Upon those words, a young girl with horns sticking out of her head leaps at you and pins you to the ground. "Another oni!" she squeals with delight. The two of you certainly seem sure to get along well together.

[Anonymous No.]

As time passes, you enjoy the company of this young oni girl by the name of Suika. Even your remarkable strength is easily matched by this girl, and her tolerance for alcohol outdoes even your own. She loves competition, and you find yourself exhausted, bruised, with many hangovers, and with a very sore pelvis (Although you agree that both of you won that competition very much.), and you couldn't imagine a greater reward for a warrior who must have been slain in battle and granted the delights of the heavens.


One hot summer's day, you mention to Suika that the sun is a terrible thing, far too hot and far too bright. She agrees, and insists you two get drunk in order to cool down. Her answer for everything, and not a bad one at that. After what seems to be endless amounts of this liquor she calls "sake", you get a brilliant idea. "I should punch the sun!" you exclaim. Suika agrees emphatically. However, you sadly remember that humans cannot fly, and you just can't quite reach the sun to punch it, even though you try for a full hour. Suika then has a brilliant idea of her own. She will use her awesome strength to throw you at the sun, so you can punch it.

[Anonymous No.]

You fly through the air so fast, you are shocked to find that up in the sky really high, everything is black with a bunch of tiny spots of light. There doesn't seem to be any air up here... However, the woman you saw on that fateful day peeks her head at you, somehow traveling at the same speed you are, and explains briefly "Mongols are like Batman. You can breathe in space." What this means, you never manage to find out. As you reach the sun, you punch it with all your might. Or rather, you fly into the sun with your fist mightily stretched out. Even a mighty Mongol quickly burns to a crisp when he lands on the sun.

Suika has realized this, far too late. She's sad that her new friend is gone. However, the freak occurrence of a total solar eclipse the next day warms her heart. You really did beat the crap out of the sun after all.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

Too many words!

Not enough Suika!

[Anonymous No.]

HOLY SHIT; I REMEMBER THIS COPYPASTA.
IT WAS AWESOME.

[Anonymous No.]

suika sucks

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[Anonymous No.]

>>905272

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>>905272

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>>905299
awesome

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>905299
Priest? More like GOD

[Anonymous No.]

>>905380

Honk honk

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>905396
And so the world was flooded with booze

[Anonymous No.]

>>905380

Bitch has been honk honk'd

How do I got this mod?

[Anonymous No.]

>>905380
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
HONK HONK

[E-mouse !LNaFATMuso No.]

>>905393
>>905426
I think you mean "BANG BANG"

Or whatever the appropriate onomatopoeia is.

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