/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

One spring day, as Archer was cleaning the house as he usually did, Rin and Sakura approached him.

"Aacha-san!" Sakura called out. "We have a question!"

Archer stroked his chin thoughtfully. "And would question would that be?"

Rin piped up. "Where do babies come from."

Archer froze. He wasn't prepared to talk about the birds and the bees yet. "Well...ehh...they are uh...summoned by the holy grail!"

Sakura clapped her hands together in delight and giggled. "So does that make you our baby, Aacha-san?"

Archer froze. "Well, it doesn't really work that way...Rin, why are you frowning?"

Rin pressed her tiny fists against her dress. "Aacha , that's a lie. I'm not stupid or gullible you know." She fumed.

Sakura turned to her. "Eh?"

[Anonymous No.]

Bracing for HNNNNG

[NotHarblongCassidy !KzfKdB2Xmc No.]

[Anonymous No.]

not the kind of hnnng i expected.

[Anonymous No.]

>Rin pressed her tiny fists against her dress. "Aacha , that's a lie. I'm not stupid or gullible you know." She fumed.

I dont like where this is going. At least not with STparusu's art

[Anonymous No.]

>"And would question would that be?"
How much would would an aacha-san chuck if an aacha-san could chuck would? ಠ_ಠ

[Anonymous No.]

>>885793
reported

[Anonymous No.]

One summer day, Archer and his two young charges, Sakura and Rin were enjoying the cool breeze.

Rin was having a fine time, but something bothered her. Sakura was wearing a very pretty yellow hat, a gift from Archer, and she felt a slight stirring of jealousy.

"Aacha!" Rin said at last. "How come I didn't get a big yellow hat." She pouted.

Sakura heard her and turned her way, just so Rin could get a full view of her pretty yellow hat.

Archer smiled at her. "Well, Rin, you don't really want to know."

"Just tell me!" She demanded forcefully.

Archer grimaced. "...Rin, your head is too big."

"...."

[NotHarblongCassidy !KzfKdB2Xmc No.]

>>885812

[Anonymous No.]

>>885821

YOU LOST ME :/

[Anonymous No.]

One day, as Archer was shopping for groceries, he encountered a jubilant little boy. There was something about him that rankled him.

"What is your name, little boy?" Archer asked.

The little boy smiled. "Shirou!"

Archer rubbed his chin thoughtfully. He suddenly remembered bits of his past. He invited the little boy to go to the docks with him, and the little boy agreed.

There, on the docks, was a very big ship.

"Oooh! That ship is very big! It must be very heavy!" Shirou noted.

"Indeed. Would you like to ride the ship, Shirou?" Archer asked.

"Yes!" Shirou exclaimed.

[ＣＯＣＫＳＬＡＰ No.]

>>885834

Ｉ　ＬＯＬ'Ｄ，　ＡＮＤ　ＴＨＥＮ　Ｉ　ＣＲＩＥＤ．

[Anonymous No.]

>>885834

>As the Titanic left the dock on it's maiden voyage

shit, archer just kill our F/SN

[Anonymous No.]

Terribly stale pasta is terrible

[Anonymous No.]

>>885845
>>885834

HOW FUCKING OLD IS FSN?

[Anonymous No.]

>>885847
set in 2001?

[Anonymous No.]

One spring day, Rin fell sick. Archer and Sakura stayed home to watch over her.

Archer placed a cool towel on Rin's head. "Are you feeling okay, Rin?" He asked.

Rin coughed meekly. "I think so."

All the while, Sakura had been staring at her strangely. Archer noted this. "Sakura, why are you looking at Rin like that? Are you very worried?"

Sakura nodded her head. "Aacha-san! I'm very worried. What if Rin has Ebola, or Onchocerciatis?"

Rin stuttered. "E-e-ebola...!?"

"...well, I think uh...she just has a flu..."

"What if she has lupus?"

[Anonymous No.]

>>885851
NOT ANY MORE

[Anonymous No.]

One fine winter morning, Sakura and Rin woke to find it was snowing outside.

"Yayy!" They screamed, rushing downstairs. A dozen kitchen scents greeted them. As they came into the dining room, they saw a feast prepared before them. They clapped their hands in delight.

"Well, Happy Birthday, Sakura." Archer said from behind.

As the two began to dig into their food, Rin noticed something strange.

"Aacha-san!" She asked.

"Yes, Rin?" Archer replied.

"What is this?" She asked, poking at a small plate with what looked like slices of roasted ham.

"That's panda meat. It took me awhile to find one, but that's what you two asked for right?" Archer smiled, proud of his work.

[Anonymous No.]

>>885897

Archer, you dick, pandas are an endangered species.

[Anonymous No.]

>>885897
DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

[Anonymous No.]

One dark and stormy night, there was a clash of thunder. Rin and Sakura huddled together as Archer watched over them.

"A-a-a-a-a-a-a-acha-san! I'm scared!" Sakura cried out.

Archer thought for a moment. Ah! He had a plan. "Let me tell you a joke."

"Yay!" Rin cried out, excited. She loved jokes. Even Sakura stopped her crying and looked interesting.

Archer coughed, clearing his throat. "Knock knock."

"..." Rin blanched, and it took her a while before she finally said, "...Who's there."

"Yoo da lay hee."

"Aacha..." Rin began. "I thought jokes were supposed to be funny. Who's stupid enough to be impressed by - "

[Anonymous No.]

>>885937

...

[Anonymous No.]

>>885943
What's the matter? Too moe for you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>885937

And now the thread has gone to shit.

[Anonymous No.]

One day, after an afternoon of play, Sakura and Rin felt sleepy.

"Aacha-san! I'm tired." Sakura said, half-asleep.

"Me too..." Rin said, her eyes droopy.

"Alright then." Archer went inside the house and found a warm and large blanket. Laying it out on the floor, he gestured to the two. "It's nice outside today, have a nice nap in the shade."

"But Aacha, there's no pillows..." Rin said after she sat on the fluffy blanket. "And a head as BIG as mine needs pillows, doesn't it?" She smirked.

Archer sighed. All the pillows were drying and still wet.

Laying down with them, he placed his strong arm out. "You can use my arm as a pillow then?"

"Yay!!!" The two children cried out happily. They fell over, cuddling next to Archer, and in the next minute were soundly asleep.

[Anonymous No.]

Is this where it is slowly revealed Aachaa is a very violent paedophile?

[Anonymous No.]

>>885977

AWWWW

[Anonymous No.]

when does the rape start?

I came here for the rape

[Anonymous No.]

One spring night, Archer, Rin, and Sakura sat down on a grassy hill, watching the fireworks set off. They each wore traditional clothing, because it was a special holiday.

"Aacha?" Rin asked. She leaned against Archer's body. "Will you be here forever with us?"

"Of course, Rin." He assured her. "Why do you ask?"

She hesitated. "Because Sakura told me last night you would leave us..."

Archer turned to Sakura, who was sitting in his lap. "Sakura?"

Sakura's face was red, and she couldn't face him . "Aacha-san, you've been here for such a long time...and I don't know when you will go back and it's just that I...I..." She sniffled, doing her best to hold back her tears.

Archer smiled. "Don't worry, I promised you we will make lots of happy memories together. So i'm stuck by your side whether you like it or not!" He mussed her hair and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"A-a-a-acha-san, thank you!" Sakura cried out at last, tears flowing freely. She wrapped her tiny arms around his waist, not even reaching half way.

[Anonymous No.]

>>886013

And then GARcher was hit by a Bersercar.

[Anonymous No.]

>>886018

...

[Anonymous No.]

>>886018
BERSERCAR FUCK YEAR!

[Anonymous No.]

>>886018
No GARcher, you are the demons
and then GARcher was a zombie

[Anonymous No.]

dohohohoho

[Anonymous No.]

>>886043
OMG LULZ UR SOOOO RANDOM xD

[Anonymous No.]

>>886059
GAIAFAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous No.]

>>886067
rofl omg kawaii desu @_@

[Anonymous No.]

>>886067
lol so random XD

[Anonymous No.]

The ball exploded against Berserker’s face and sent him reeling backwards. Rider caught her fall as Bellerephone plummeted headfirst into the cushioning sand and faded into a rain of sparks. The mystic creature’s enchantment had been utterly spent in that one strike – it would be at least a day before she could summon her white beauty again.

But she had won. For Sakura’s sake, she had defeated what she had expected to be the greatest difficulty for this dodge ball tournament, the opponents ace.

Taiga, who had kept her on what was happening, called out her ruling. “BERSERKER OUT. OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT.”

Ilya turned red, as her little body flushed with anger. “Out?” She began in a quiet voice. That voice disturbed Taiga more than if she would have thrown a tantrum. “Berserker. Out?” She echoed again. “Berserker is not out yet. Thanks to God-Hand, he has eleven lives left! Eleven! He needs to be hit eleven more times before he is OUT!”

Taiga bit her lip. “I-Ilya-chan. I don’t think dodgeball works that way…for one, well, Berserker didn’t die…”

“SHUT UP YOU OLD HAG. THIS GAME IS STILL ON.” Ilya screamed furiously She pointed her finger at Rider. “BERSERKER! TEAR HER TO SHREDS!”

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

Bump because I like this thread.

[Anonymous No.]

>GAR

[Anonymous No.]

best thread in /jp/ in a while.

[Anonymous No.]

I want more of the dodgeball story.

[Anonymous No.]

>>887629
Seconded. Don't cut off the story right before a fight is about to break out!

[Anonymous No.]

Moar! I love the NannyArcher threads. I'd so watch a series with the adventures of NannyArcher and his loli side kicks.

[Anonymous No.]

Raising her eyes, Rider looked up from the ruins of the dodgeball impact to see Sakura standing at her front, hand held defensively out. She had been the one that had blocked that fatal dodgeball strike. It would have destroyed her.

“S-sakura…” Rider breathed out at last, clutching her injured arm. She gasped as mana surged up her arm and the bleeding staunched. The healing was only superficial she knew, and Berseker still had to be out-ed eleven more times. “Sakura. Move away. You can’t handle Berserker. Let me finish this.”

Sakura shook her head, even as she kept her back to Rider. “I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore Rider. This time, we fight together.”

Sakura raised her arm. A black rope snaked from her body and covered her right arm. It surged and wrapped around her skin until it became as a part of her body.

“For senpai’s sake, I will win this dodgeball tournament! Ilya! You’ve gone to far hurting Rider!”

Rider slowly rose up, looking at the ruined dodgeballs around her. She sighed. If those were Sakura’s feelings, then she would do her best to fulfill them. “Then let’s do this, Sakura.”

In front of them, smirking confidently, Ilya laughed. “Sakura-chan, I’m afraid you’re out of your league.” She grinned. “This is perfect. Two sluts for the price of one. With you whores out the way, I’ll take the trophy and onii-chan all for myself.”

Sakura raised her hand and magic gathered in her palm. “We won’t let you do that Ilya!”

[Anonymous No.]

>>887998
confused rider and Rin there?

[Anonymous No.]

But but . . . NANNY Archer.

And Rin screaming, "FALCON PUNCH" when hitting kotomine.

[Anonymous No.]

no! don't stop ;_;

[Anonymous No.]

durr hurr i liked this fate/dodge ball story

“Tsubame Gaeshi!”

Then, it happened. Assassin lifted his arm and the dodgeball seemingly flew from the tips of his fingers, splitting into three.

Lancer almost stumbled backwards, but kept his stance as the triple balls blazed towards him.

He grimaced. So this was what it was. A refraction phenomonen, a bending of the laws that govern the world itself. Three simultaneous strikes, but there was only ball. Before the balls closed half the distance he knew what the outcome would already be. This was a pseudo-noble phantasm! As he had thought, Assassin did not own any true noble phantasm, but his skill at arm was phenomenal, and with his arm mastery he could duplicate an effect unlike any other. Impossible to block, a death sentence to dodge, all three dodgeballs would strike him at once. He would be the first one sent to the bench!

But he wouldn’t go alone. He was ready! Rearing his fist back, he launched the ball with frightening speed.

“Gae Bolg!”

Just as the three dodgeballs pummeled into him from all directions, Assassin dodged his ball, only to have it launch backwards and strike him in the chest!

[Anonymous No.]

>>888162
CONTINUE

[Anonymous No.]

archive

[Anonymous No.]

agreed

[Anonymous No.]

>>888162
More!

[Anonymous No.]

Bump.

[Anonymous No.]

this is my favorite part, everyones fighting and then all of a sudden gil pops up and hes mad everyones playing without him and proceeds to own them
Gilgamesh looked down on the mongrels gathered below him. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, playing their little game of ball. They were like flies, ready to be swatted. Tiny, inconsequential insects. How dare they not invite him to a competition! What arrogance, to not include the King of Heroes! But he would show them, that there was a price to pay for daring to slight him.

“Fools, all of you. Of course, if you all groveled before me, I might have forgiven you for your transgressions. But no longer. I shall suffer you fools no more.” He spoke in a voice that echoed down to the beach.

“Gilgamesh!” Saber cried out in challenge. She held a dodgeball ready in her hands. To her side gathered all the other players, as Taiga let them back onto the playing field. Assassin, Archer, Rider, Rin, Berserker, Rin, Caster, Shirou, and all the others stood besides her, ready to face this new, deadly challenge.

“Hmph.” Gilgamesh smirked. “No matter how many ants there are, you are still all ants.”

He let his words fall upon them, before raising one arm. A calm fell upon the beach and a great shadow loomed over them. The wind rustled slightly, and there was a sound of metal sliding over steel. The next words that broke the silence were Gilgamesh’s.

“Gate of Babylon.”

Behind Gilgamesh a portal open. Everyone stepped back, eyes wide in astonishment. Balls of all sizes, shapes, brands, from all periods of history phased into being. Hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of dodgeballs. Metal, rubber, plastic, rock, concrete, balls of all types.

[Anonymous No.]

this is my favorite part, everyones almost done playing then gil shows up mad because he wasnt invited then starts to own everyone
Gilgamesh looked down on the mongrels gathered below him. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, playing their little game of ball. They were like flies, ready to be swatted. Tiny, inconsequential insects. How dare they not invite him to a competition! What arrogance, to not include the King of Heroes! But he would show them, that there was a price to pay for daring to slight him.

“Fools, all of you. Of course, if you all groveled before me, I might have forgiven you for your transgressions. But no longer. I shall suffer you fools no more.” He spoke in a voice that echoed down to the beach.

“Gilgamesh!” Saber cried out in challenge. She held a dodgeball ready in her hands. To her side gathered all the other players, as Taiga let them back onto the playing field. Assassin, Archer, Rider, Rin, Berserker, Rin, Caster, Shirou, and all the others stood besides her, ready to face this new, deadly challenge.

“Hmph.” Gilgamesh smirked. “No matter how many ants there are, you are still all ants.”

He let his words fall upon them, before raising one arm. A calm fell upon the beach and a great shadow loomed over them. The wind rustled slightly, and there was a sound of metal sliding over steel. The next words that broke the silence were Gilgamesh’s.

“Gate of Babylon.”

Behind Gilgamesh a portal open. Everyone stepped back, eyes wide in astonishment. Balls of all sizes, shapes, brands, from all periods of history phased into being. Hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of dodgeballs. Metal, rubber, plastic, rock, concrete, balls of all types.

[Anonymous No.]

>>888703
Seriously, is there anything that Gil doesn't have in his vault?

[Anonymous No.]

>>888703

>“Hmph.” Gilgamesh smirked. “No matter how many ants there are, you are still all ants.”

[Anonymous No.]

>>888703
And he started to chant: "OLÉEE! OLÉEE! OLÉ! OLÉ! OLÉEEE! Super Deutschland! Super Deutschland! Super Deutsch-OLÉ! OLÉ!"

[Anonymous No.]

>>888703
>Assassin, Archer, Rider, Rin, Berserker, Rin, Caster, Shirou
Holy fuck, TWO rin's!? Do want.

[Anonymous No.]

suddenly,archer


Berserker was the next to fall, as hundreds of dodge balls pelted his body. They were falling, and quickly. Saber turned her eyes to Archer, who had almost completed his summoning. But Gilgamesh had finally turned his attention to the red warrior, and she knew unless she could save him, they were all doomed. A meteoric dodge ball flashed through the air at the Archer, and Saber leapt up high. It struck her in the chest, and sent her hurtling backwards.

[Anonymous No.]

Saber landed with a thud. She looked up, and saw that a barrage of dodge balls was headed at Archer. This time, no one could save him.

Then, the world changed.

“…So as I pray. Unlimited Dodgeball Works!”

The dodge balls disappeared as Archer’s reality marble activated.

He grinned, and then the beach vanished into thin air. Sand became hard rock, and the blue, sunny sky became a canvass of crimson red. Giant wheels hung in the air like guardians, and the sky was thick was fog. Everyone began to pick themselves up, pushing dodge balls off their bodies, their eyes turning around; looking at the red reality marble that was realized by Archer. But that wasn’t what caught everyone’s eyes. What drew their attention was the dodge balls that littered the landscape as far as the eye could see. It was a legion of balls that rivaled Gilgamesh’s. It was the ray of light that signaled a change in the tide.

Archer looked up and locked eyes with the King of Heroes. “As you can see, what you face here is an unlimited number of dodge balls. The greatest of balls.”

Gilgamesh narrowed his eyes in surprise, having momentarily stopped his volley of balls. “Heh. No matter what hat trick you pull, Archer, you will still lose. A mere servant like you cannot defeat I, the greatest of all Kings, the mightiest hero.”

“Well, we’ll see. You made a mistake, Gilgamesh. You challenged us alone, thinking you could win, but in your hubris you underestimated us. Do you have enough balls in stock, King of Heroes?”

[Anonymous No.]

Rin ducked and the dodge ball barely missed her. Caster laughed, hidden behind her wall of summoned sand golems.

“You are truly an accomplished magus, Rin-san. However, I was born in a time when gods walked the world, and magic ruled the world. Miracles were a daily occurrence. You would be but a mere acolyte with your abilities. Let me show you what a true mage is capable of.”

Then Caster raised her staff and began chanting, ancient, dangerous words spilling from her lips. Rin paused, and her ears caught the high-speed symbols. She knew what this was! This was the language of the gods, used by the oracles and sages of the past, divine words that were now lost. Even if it were found, no one existing would have the ability to speak or master them.

Dodge balls, dozens of them, began to rise in the air, a vermillion haze enveloping them, then launching violently at her.