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8091887 No.8091887 [Reply] [Original]

Why don't you become priests and pray to the Lord and play VNs and Touhou all day, /jp/?

>Wah wah wah I don't have a job! It seems like jobs are short even in traditionally high-demand fields and job security is non-existent!

Become a Catholic priest, then. Catholic priests are always in demand, at least in the US (and I am assuming other similar nations). Priests are stretched super thin, and a lot of them are delaying retirement because there are not enough priests to go around. You don't make shit for money really but you are taken care of and they literally almost cannot fire you since they have practically no priests.

>Wah wah wah! I cannot get a gf!

If you are a Catholic priest, your ability to never get a gf has gone from a detriment to an asset. You never have to worry about breaking your promises to the Church.

And if you become a cloistered monk you will literally never see women again ever. So yeah. No need to worry about a gf.

>> No.8091890

inb4 there's a spike in child molestations/raep

>> No.8091894

Do you work in the church office full time? Do I need a MDiv?

>> No.8091896

Priests need to practically memorize the Bible. It's rather bullshit.

>> No.8091899

Why don't I just shove a coat-hanger down my urethra while I'm at it.

>> No.8091900

okay, so you're saying it's okay for priests to fap?

>> No.8091901
File: 179 KB, 540x720, CRY FOR THE VIRGIN.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8091901

Have you cried for the virgin today?

>> No.8091906

>grow up in a christian family
>rosary every night
>pray before meal
>pray before sleep
>church every sunday
>move out
>3 years later and I've never stepped inside a church
>who am I quoting
And every day I have to walk near a huge ass church to reach the ferry.

>> No.8091908

>>8091896
The bible seems pretty interesting though. It's got more blood, sex and drugs than most of today's movies.

>>8091887
I'm interested, but I'm worried about how hard it would be to come up with new material to feed my flock every week.

>> No.8091914 [SPOILER] 
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8091914

But I can't be Christian. I openly worship idols.

>> No.8091917

Being a priest gives you a harem of shotas you can dress up in your free time. It's been that way since biblical times

>> No.8091930

I was actually seriously thinking of becoming one but then I realize you have to do a sermon multiple times a week. I'm afraid of public speaking.
You also have to listen to other people's problems.

>> No.8091940

But I'm agnostic.

>> No.8091942

>>8091908
>I'm interested, but I'm worried about how hard it would be to come up with new material to feed my flock every week.
I've always wondered what happens when priests finish going through the bible. Do they start over or has the congregation turned over by then?

I wonder if it feels how teachers feel going through the same material several times every semester.

>> No.8091948

>>8091942
You apply biblical knowledge to recent events. have you never been to church before?

>> No.8091950

>>8091940
more like fagnostic xD

>> No.8091949

>>8091942

If you were an imam you would have plenty of recent shit to talk about.

>> No.8091953

I think being a Buddhist monk would be nice but I have no idea how I'd going about doing it.

>> No.8091958

>>8091953
I'd be more likely to be Buddhist than Catholic, that's for sure. Shit makes more sense.

>> No.8091955

I'm atheist.

>> No.8091956

>>8091953

Buddhism in America is what I would imagine to be a largely part-time thing.

>> No.8091960
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8091960

Become an Orthodox priest instead, you get to do everything a Catholic priest does, plus you never have to shave your beard again. And wear a way cooler silly hat too.

>> No.8091963

>>8091960
If the hats and robes have frills count me in

>> No.8091962

>>8091956
Depends on your area, really. California has a good deal of Buddhist temples. My relativvely podunk hometown has one, though I imagine it's as you say-- part-time.

>> No.8091965

>>8091960
Orthodox priests have to take wizard levels first, don't they?

>> No.8091967

>>8091965

A /jp/sie would have no problem power leveling.

>> No.8091977

Let's just found a touhou church

>> No.8091982

>>8091977

Don't you mean /jp/ club?

>> No.8091985

>>8091887
Pretty sure you gotta go to seminary school and get your BS and master's degree first bro. Plus you actually gotta care about people in general in that line of work I'd imagine.

Not very NEET and cocoon-mode friendly. /jp/ers would probably want a job where they wouldn't have to deal with people much.

>> No.8091999

I think /jp/ is better suited for the monastic lifestyle.

>> No.8092004

>>8091999
I'm not sure you can have a computer at a monastery.
But I'm game if you can.

>> No.8092024

I want to build an apartment and make it for rent with a small room enough for me at the back, then I'd let my tenants do all the work which involves going outside.
This is seriously what I want to do, but the problem is where to get money to buy land and to build the apartment.

>> No.8092029

>>8092024
There's tons of places like that where I am. Trick is waiting for them to go up for sale

>> No.8092034

Do they let traps become nuns? Being a nun seems easier.

>> No.8092040

I've thought about it but I doublt they let you fap or play video games.

>>8091930
not all priests do mass in a church every sunday. you could be one of the people who make communion wine or something.

>> No.8092043

>>8092029
Will the rent be enough for me to keep up with my hobbies?
1.internet
2.water/electricity/food
3.monthy fig (can be skipped)
4.biyearly computer upgrade
5.maintenance/repairs in case something happens
So much shit to think about, so little motivation.

>> No.8092044

>>8092034
That's what I wanted to do. But seriously now, I really doubt they'd be very accepting of crossdressing.

>> No.8092049

I'm getting really tired of all the gay shit on here.

>> No.8092057

Considered it before. Could probably do it easy enough, and it might be fun to emulate Kotomine.

>> No.8092060

>>8091887
You also get to molest young boys.

>> No.8092077

>>8092004

Tibetan monks can have computers.

>> No.8092086

>>8092077
Intriguing.

>> No.8092095

Virginity is a wonderful thing, if you're not a Virgin and you're not Married - you're going to hell. Be glad that you've never had Sex, because you shouldn't have sex unless you're married, especially if you're a Woman. Indeed, the best thing you can do is wait until you're married to have any brand of sex, and then only for reproduction. Unless you're male. Men are allowed to enjoy it.

Now if your wife gets raped or has sex out of wedlock or cheats on you, it's time to get the community together for a stoning or a good ol' fashioned Witch Burning.

>> No.8092102

>>8092060
Thats such an outdated stereotype of the Catholic Church.

These days altergirls are becoming widely accepted and you can choose to have them in your parish.

>> No.8092135

I guess that my job title's a priest. I help around at a church and study the Bible a lot. I help with classes and have delivered a few smaller sermons (but never led the entire church before). The pay's not great, but I don't do the "job" for the money...

>> No.8092139

>>8091887
Whether you're trolling or not, I wanted to let you know that your post made me smile. Thanks for this.

I don't wish to state my denomination or country, but my church keeps care of me, I have good hours, and I get to do something that I enjoy. If you're interested in philosophy or religion at all and you like working with people, I really do recommend becoming a member of the cloth.

>>8091896
You don't need to memorize it, but after you've read it as many times as you do, you begin to get a good idea of where things are. It's kind of like playing Touhou. You don't necessarily know where every bullet will go, but you have a good idea.

>>8091908
You don't start off as the head of a church right away. Start going to church regularly and you'll get an idea of what's involved.

>>8092040
I believe that masturbation should be kept to a minimum if you're going to make religion an important part of your life. As for video games, you can do what you want on your own hours... but don't forget about the Bible.

>>8092034
I wouldn't think so. I feel that God made you a male, so it would be offensive to Him to call yourself a female, dress as one, and possibly even mutilate your genitals. But everyone has a different interpretation of what God wants for us :-)

>> No.8092144

>>8092139

>like working with people

Okay, no.

>> No.8092150

>>8092139
Well Priests are aloud to own computers. I suppose what you keep on your computer is your own business. Probably want to keep your Diablo 3, naked Touhous and fanservice anime on a protected drive.

You could donate blood every month and after a 4 or 5 months build a respectable computer. If you didnt want the church to know how much money you spent building a gaming rig when all they know you want it for is checking emails and updating your penance blog. The church provides everything else for you.

>> No.8092151

>>8092095
As far as I understand it, you only have to live as a Christian once you become one. Once you accept Christ into your life, you get a "clean slate," so to speak; He forgives you as long as He's in your life. If you start practicing adultery again, you're not keeping Him in mind, and if you've committed your life to following the Bible and keep acting in ways a Christian shouldn't, that could even be blasphemous. But again, these are just my personal thoughts; I think that it's important for an individual to try to form his own interpretation of the Bible and God.

>> No.8092160

>>8092151
>form his own interpretation of the Bible and God.

How is that not a major loophole? If Hitler claimed that all he did was a interpretation of the Bible and God(it could very well be, the bible advocates genocide and even carried out by the man(god) himself), then it's all kosher?

>> No.8092165

>>8092139
> :-)
Even if god himself puts his hands over you, this is not tolerated here

>> No.8092164

>>8092160
Don't start that shit.

>> No.8092166

I've thought about it, but I heard the opposite, there's very little demand for priests. Maybe I just live in a country where most people are either atheists or non-active Christians.

>> No.8092167

There was nothing good that could come from this thread and now it's taking a turn in the worst direction.

>> No.8092171

>>8092144
The main function of a priest, pastor, or what have you within a modern church is to spread the word of God to others and make it more accessible. I'm not going to tell you guys here to be a Christian - I was a pretty "militant atheist" when I was younger. But if you dedicate your life to God and commit yourself to working with a church, you're going to have to work with other people. If you don't like working with others and still want to live a religious lifestyle, being a hermit would probably only really be the only option for you...

>>8092150
I'm not a Catholic, and I live in my own apartment, but I don't think that looking at pornography really goes with being priest/minister/pastor/what have you. But that's just me. And my computer's an old, weak computer; I feel like buying something like a gaming computer would be bad because there are others that need the money more than I do. There's a lot of people that have families or are homeless that I know and love. I don't think I could possibly money buying myself a fancy computer when I know that a) an older one will work just as well when b) there are people that really, really need the help.

Sorry if I'm repeating myself or if anything isn't really clear. I'm not too good at writing. And don't worry, I'll throw away the trip after I'm done.

>> No.8092172

>>8092165
Not that big a deal bro when used with good intentions.

>> No.8092173

You know, this is a really great idea. I dont eat that much and the only use I have for women is in the form of loli fapping material. I dont need any material goods other than my computer. Orthodox priests really have style. Perhaps this is the path for me?

How does one become a priest? Do you just show up at HQ and fill out an application?

>> No.8092175

>>8092165
This more to your liking?
キタ━━━━━━(゚∀゚)━━━━━━ !!!!!

>> No.8092181

>>8092175
Don't dodge my question. Unless you are a hypocrite in heart, then feel free to continue.

>> No.8092184

>>8092139
>God made you a male
So you admit that God can be a huge dick sometimes?

>> No.8092186

>>8092171
Priests are still men and men have needs they have to take care of. By fappng to loli you make sure you are not molesting altergirls.

Id hardly say that selling your blood for a computer is selfish. The blood you sold goes out in to the world and saves someones life. You need a computer to hold your encrypted Loli and you need a good one if you are going to play Diablo 3. You also need at least 5 tbs of hard drive space to archive your anime. These are the minimum things you need to make sure you are a productive and safe priest. I dont know if your faith lets you have a wife but as a Catholic, i would not have that option.

Diablo 3 is also good practice at hands on demon hunting, which every priest worth his salt must be a master at.

>> No.8092189

>>8092172
No, it's never allright or tolerable, but it's no surprise that someone like you supports shit.

>>8092175
No, just get out

>> No.8092198
File: 104 KB, 517x299, getoff.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8092198

>>8092189
Wow get the fuck over yourself, it's just a smiling face.

>> No.8092199

>>8092189
Dude you're making a big deal out of nothing.

>> No.8092202

>>8092173
I studied philosophy and then Christianity in university and then found a church that needed some help. I'm not sure how easy it'd be to get a paying job without credentials, but the first step would probably be attending church regularly. After you've attended for a while and decide that it's the place for you, ask someone after "the show's over" if there's anything you can do to help out. If you can can, get an appointment and talk about how you feel a calling to God and how it's what you see being in your future. A lot of smaller churches don't make very much, but if you live in a bigger city and you're lucky, you might be able to get a paid position after volunteering for a while. You will have to be serious about it, though; you can't really fake it 'till you make it.

>>8092189
Alright, sorry. Take it easy guys, and I hope that I've been at least somewhat helpful! There are some pretty liberal churches out there and there's probably as many variations of Protestant Christianity out there as there are Protestant churches. If you feel like this is what you're meant to do in life, study more about Christianity and try to find a church that's the closest to your own personal views.

Anyway, take it easy! Have a good one!

>> No.8092208

lol, do you have any idea how much tough work is involved in monastic life?

Dudes fish, farm, make wine/beer/ale, they master crafts etc.

It's not all sitting around and praying.

>> No.8092218

Okay these, "Hey /jp/, why don't you X?" threads are starting to jump the shark a little.

That said, this is a brilliant idea and I'm writing to my diocese's bishop right now.

>> No.8092229

>>8092208
Maybe if you live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere but I went to a Catholic school/church in the suburbs and the nuns there seemed to have a very easy life. They'd always tell us stories about how they were in a constant vicious battle for possession of the TV remote.

>> No.8092233

what about sexual relief? I'm a chronic masturbator.

>> No.8092234
File: 107 KB, 350x262, durham-cathedral.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8092234

>>8092208
I live near a cathedral and all they do is study and walk about the grounds. Most of the maintenance work is taken care of by professionals.

>> No.8092235

>>8092233
Buddhists are cool with masturbation.

>> No.8092236

I think starting a cult would be more up /jp/'s alley.

>> No.8092238

>>8092229
I'm Orthodox Christian. All Monasteries I've known have been in rural areas to varying degrees.

>>8092233
Most hypersexual behavior like that is the result of sedentary lifestyle + modern shit like the internet.

We're literally bombarded with sexualized images of women 24/7 on the TV, Internet etc. I suppose it was different in the past (to a degree of course), and if you cut yourself off from it, you're not receiving all those external stimuli.

>> No.8092244

>>8092238
>>people didn't have sex for the purpose of pleasure in the past
Looks like somebody needs a history lesson, Ancient Greece was big on the stuff.

>> No.8092245

>>8092233
Can you only masturbate in public or something? Do you feel the need to wine and moan when you orgasm? If not then how would that impact you at all?

I cant relate, I masturbate at least once a day and certainly no one I live with is aware of it.

>> No.8092247

>>8092244
>people didn't have sex for the purpose of pleasure in the past

Something of a strawman, don't you think?

>> No.8092248

>>8092236

Want to join mine? It's only $5 for eternal peace and happiness!

>> No.8092251

>>8092236
I seriously would be all for some kind of organized religion based on taking it easy and grounded in the Touhou canon.

>> No.8092258

>>8092251
Who would we worship?
Yukari?
We could try to please her so that she hears our pleads and gaps us to Gensokyo.
In order to make this possible we have to take it as easy as possible and prepare for our lives in Gensokyo.
Of course we will have to be 100% devoted and faithful

>> No.8092261

It's funny, because when you look at /jp/ you can see just how far the imagination can get you.


It sort of validates my whole not believing in god thing. Though I'm sort of an agnostic, god might be real but I can't really see accepting him until he reveals himself to me.

>> No.8092266

>>8092251
>>8092258
We will all end up drinking the "sacred" water and travel to gensokyo together.

>> No.8092268

>>8092261
Agnosticism means that you think it's impossible for humans to understand or comprehend any kind of higher power. It's not a matter of "Does God exist? Well, He could be floatin' around up there!" but more "Does God exist? If He did, He would probably be much too complex for us to understand with our human science." Or so Huxley says.

>> No.8092269

>>8092258
>Yukari
But then we'd have to put bags over our heads and engage in painful rituals to prepare us to be toys used for Yukari-sama's amusement when we get to Gensokyo.

>> No.8092270
File: 162 KB, 800x800, 2179115.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8092270

>>8092258
It would have to be polytheistic. There's no way everyone would agree on the same god.

>> No.8092280

>>8092269
People who follow fanon bullshit are the worst sinners in our religion

>> No.8092282

>>8092270
Worshiping your favorite touhou sounds nice. You could call upon your favorite characters to aid you in different ways. Most obviously would be the Aki sisters for bountiful food, Cirno and Letty for a pleasant winter, Lily White for blooming flowers in springtime, etc.

>> No.8092289

>>8092280
But it's up to each of us to interpret the holy games our own way. You can't tell us what's right and what's wrong.

>> No.8092296

>>8092289
But I can tell what is just stupid bullshit and what is plausible.
So every follower must study the canon sources as much as possible, so that he never makes an interpretation which is pulled out of the ass

>> No.8092301
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8092301

>>8092282
Im thinking Church of Gensokyo, Cirno sect. But I dont know how I could incorporate worshiping her feet with out falling back to some foot washing ritual. Its her feet but NOT the Cirno's feet inside us we would want to worship.

>> No.8092302

>>8092289
The religion doesn't even have a name yet and it's already breaking off into different sects.

>> No.8092312

>>8092301
we would call upon specially selected little girls to the alter so we could proceed with proper foot worshiping rituals

>> No.8092320
File: 437 KB, 890x1100, 3ff0fcc6ce83f063b673018436fe3b9f.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8092320

>>8092301
I got it, every month/year we could designate a girl in the parish that matches Cirnos dimensions to spiritually call Cirno's feet in to her own body. Then we would wash her feet, with our own saliva, and place upon them the "seed of life" in order to bless the winter with the promise of a good spring.

>> No.8092322

>>8092320
I like the cut of your jib

>> No.8092326 [SPOILER] 
File: 460 KB, 907x1100, 5924ac5fb3e0a08f2bea95d945b858f23dc22053.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8092326

I dont even need to tell you about the "Blessings of Cirno" given to the most devout.

>> No.8092328

>>8092320
Write the Bible of Cirno's Feet and set up a website I will be sure to become a follower.

>> No.8092331

>>8092326
baptism required by all followers

>> No.8092357

I'm not baptized and can't even recall I ever been in a church.

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