/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

Take a look at this baka nine.

[Anonymous No.]

I shall now show you how aikido can help you court a women

I decided to take a stroll in the park today in my Aikido suit as I like to call it, the weather was great. I found myself a great spot for doing Aikido techniques, as I train, a beautiful woman came up to me and tapped my shoulder. I was so immersed in training that I mistaken her as a threat and grabbed her arm, tossing her to the ground. I quickly realized my mistake and apologized, she accepted the sincere apology of mine.

Afterwards she asked me what I was doing, I explained to her that I was practicing the ancient and mighty Japanese art of Aikido, she gave me her phone number, wanting to discuss more of Aikido.

An obvious excuse to meetup once again to have sex because I already told her everything about Aikido.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

I have already said this many times before.
But an Aikido master really doesn't have much to go for in the presence of a Wrestling master. And now I am talking about real wrestling here, not that "pro wrestling" smackdown shit.

A good wrestler is supposed to be able to make use of his and his oponents position, without exerting any force.
And then make use of this, to eventually gain the superior position, and then seize it.
And that moment, its already too late for the Aikido practioner. With no force to reverse, he would be chanceless, and when put in an inferior position, the Aikido practioner would have no idea of how to proceed the most efficiently.
Wheras the Wrestler would have trained his whole life in order to manipulate and make use of these positions.
And from the superior position, the Wrestler would win.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

Aikido master here.

Yeah, it would. Let me tell you are story.

Last week I went clubbing alone, I'm a tall lanky guy, 6'2, 125lb. So here I am, grinding on this chick when this bulky black guy comes over and pushes me away from her. He probably thought I would leave and let him take her, wrong. I gently tapped his shoulder and told him to take his leave or he would feel the consequences. Of course, he told me fuck off, but I didn't.

I guess I irritated him enough and he tried to swing at me, I wasn't scared, my years of Aikido training was more than enough for this buffoon. I simply grabbed his hand and reversed the force back at him. He punched himself out.

The rest of the night there was a 4m radius of emptiness around me. No one fucks with Aikido.

[Anonymous No.]

Allow me to tell you a tale. It took place 36...no, 14 years ago. But what is time anyway? To me it seemed like yesterday. For you, it might be tomorrow. I was a Kendoka, I thought I was the toughest kid in high school, I would pick fights, and kick ass. I was full of hate, until I picked a fight with the wrong dude. It's the story of a man. Known by 72 different names. I'm not sure which to call him by...When I first met him, his name was... Noboru Takeda. Even then he wouldn't let anyone bully him. Not even me.
I picked on him because of his hilarious and thick Japanese accent. I told him I was going to beat him so hard, he would go back to China(Yeah, I was a little racist prick.)
He was a pretty good guy. He never said anything back, which made me wanted to kick his ass even harder.

Me- "You sure that's enough training?"


Him- "No problem. Everything's fine."

Him- "I'll take the best you have.
"


Well, here comes the fight. I threw men and do strikes, he dodged them like I was a mere white belt. I was tiring out and he knew, I saw the smirk on his face that made me raged hard. I put all my strength in one amazing tsuki, and he grabbed past it to my wrist and threw me over. My back smacked on the hard cement ground, and I was knocked out for who knows how long.
Hey. What, you don't trust me? I guess. So far so good. You know I could never say no to you. After all - you are the one who showed me the light.
Noboru. Humans have a unique gift. The power of choice. Free will. They can follow any path they desire. So I choose the path if Aikido. The future of mankind depends on it. Time to go...

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

I believe you shouldn't underestimate Aikido. Now I know you may be thinking, "Why take a weakling martial art like Aikido seriously when I am learning Kendo?" I can see why you would think that, how can a peaceful martial arts like Aikido beat a powerful one like Kendo?

Well, I have a story to share with you.

Years ago, I was a Kendoka, I thought I was the toughest kid in high school, I would pick fights, and kick ass. I was full of hate, until I picked a fight with the wrong dude. He was a Japanese exchange student, I still remember his name, Noboru Takeda.

I picked on him because of his hilarious and thick Japanese accent. I told him I was going to beat him so hard, he would go back to China(Yeah, I was a little racist prick.), he never said anything back, made me wanted to kick his ass even harder.

Well, here comes the fight. I threw men and do strikes, he dodged them like I was a mere white belt. I was tiring out and he knew, I saw the smirk on his face that made me raged hard. I put all my strength in one amazing tsuki, and he grabbed past it to my wrist and threw me over. My back smacked on the hard cement ground, and I was knocked out for who knows how long.

When I woke up I was in the school infirmary, I asked the nurse who brought me here, and you guessed it, Noboru Takeda. The next day, he wasn't at school, he was back in Japan, and I never got to thank him, for saving my life and showing me the light. I soon learned that he was an Aikidoka and have been practicing Aikido ever since to show my thanks to him.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>7925019

Awesome

>>7925035

hurr durr anonymuss is layjeen i gunna save /jp/

just stop posting

[Anonymous No.]

>>7925035
>Kopipe

Nigga, my gun go off!!
You see tha barrell turnin'
You feel tha hollows burnin'
Nigga, now you learnin'

Nigga, my gun go off!!
Call it attempted murder
Nigga I'm trynna merk ya
When I come back, bussin'

Nigga, my gun go off!!
Don't trynna say I'm trippin'
When I get to flippin'
Then I smack tha clip in

Nigga, my gun go off!!
We call it puttin' work in
Leavin' niggas hurtin'
Homocide's lurkin'

Nigga, my gun go off!!

[Anonymous No.]

>>7925040
That’s it. I’m sick of all this “Masterwork Bastard Sword” bullshit that’s going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I’m talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that’s about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I’m pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That’s right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)

1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)

2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don’t you think?

[Anonymous No.]

Fuck boy you can see it to belie' it
Trynna dodge and wave it, end up a parapelegic
Belie' me, it's easy
I'll hurt you, I'll merk you, I'll pop some'in
Drop some'in, I ain't gone stop huntin'
Run-run till you're spun
One shot, one gun
One-9... 1-1, emergency
It's murder B
It's excellent execution when I'm pullin' tha trigga
No mistake, for that cake
I'm hittin' you and ya niggas
Feel tha flame when I aim
For tha top of ya brain
See tha spark and tha bang
Nigga shit ain't a game
Do tha math or get blast
Bullets go thru tha glass
Go-thru-ya-ass, fast
And tha leather seat sittin' Ave
Nigga
It's not a war when there's casualties on one side
I ride!
Turn it up on you niggas after Jay ride-by
I click-clack, that's that! I don't flash, I mash
I wave tha Uzi at 'em
I make a movie out 'em

>>7925040
>Mad ZainichiKimchiPonyfag Getting MAD AS FUCK to my niggaz

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

Nigga, my gun go off!!
You see tha barrell turnin'
You feel tha hollows burnin'
Nigga, now you learnin'

Nigga, my gun go off!!
Call it attempted murder
Nigga I'm trynna merk ya
When I come back, bussin'

Nigga, my gun go off!!
Don't trynna say I'm trippin'
When I get to flippin'
Then I smack tha clip in

Nigga, my gun go off!!
We call it puttin' work in
Leavin' niggas hurtin'
Homocide's lurkin'

Nigga, my gun go off!!!!.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>7925019
I believe you shouldn't underestimate shitposting.

[Anonymous No.]

>Faggot KimchiPonyfag thinks these cross-overs are fine

Yeahh.
You better lose yourself in tha moment
Use it, fuck-tha-music, I'ma let it go!
You only get one shot before I back out and fire back
At ya hat, cha back, ya ass crack, ya nutsack
Ya caddilac, if you make it to that--I'm hittin' that!
The 70's was smack, 80's crack! 90's was grimey
Millenium macs, man
Clips on tha whips, I ride in 'em
Bad bitches I ride-inn 'em
Don't worry, I'll gett'em
Gat Jammed or un-jammed
Goddamn safest the safety don't work
Squeeze tha Eagle, it chirp
End up faced down in the durt--more than hurt
Bring tha beef where you hang out
Bang out
Shots rang out!
Hit ya shoulders, trynna blow ya brains out!
Hit ya hommies in they legs
Bet they have their canes out, tomorrow
You know tomorrow's just a day away
If you can keep ya heart beatin' then ya ass awake!!

[Anonymous No.]

Last one. Spammer guy, you can calm down now.

[Anonymous No.]

Nigga, my gun go off!!!
You see tha barrell turnin'
You feel tha hollows burnin'
Nigga, now you learnin'

Nigga, my gun go off!!
Call it attempted murder
Nigga I'm trynna merk ya
When I come back, bussin'

Nigga, my gun go off!!
Don't trynna say I'm trippin'
When I get to flippin'
Then I smack tha clip in

Nigga, my gun go off!!
We call it puttin' work in
Leavin' niggas hurtin'
Homocide's lurkin'

Nigga, my gun go off!!!!
>going off
>Mad KimchiPonyfag will shit up the hood while i'm away

[Anonymous No.]

So what's up wid it ? You know the deal, it's that boy Ramiro,

So the other day while I was practicing my Capoeira, I was thinkin about this awesome party house in Jersey with tons of alcohol and hot sluts, that I used to drive up to when I was in highschool. It was actually a fraternity house, but the guys weren't skinny faggots that wear their shirts tucked in. Weid huh ? Any way, I said fuck the club and decided to go holla at some of my boyz from way back in the day.

I roll into the house with my posse, but something isn't right. I'm thinkin : where are the kegs, and more importantly, I can't see a single descent
girl. Just then, this little dweeb starts scopin me, then comes up and asks me who I am. My boy Roberto goes "Are u fucking serious ?! You're talking to Ramiro a.k.a the BO$$ of Jersey." Then the kid (who had a striking resemblance to Ferguson from Clarissa Explains It All) says something like ' Please don't take any personal offense to this, but this house belongs to the Touhou brotherhood, and so I must humbly ask that you please leave.'

I say "Listen Ferguson, you little faggot, I don't know about all that gibberish, but me and my niggas came here for some pussy, some jager bombs, and some yayo. Now since ya boy don't like having sex with blue whales, u better make the next two happen real quick." The kid mutters in a shaky voice, "My name isn't ferguson," and starts tearing up a little. My boyz just laughed, it was pretty pathetic. After that I gave Ferguson a nuclear wedgie and peaced the fuck out before ya boy got swarmed by all the fat girls.

So can someone please tell me what the fuck a "Touhou" is, and what happened to one of the sickest party houses in Jersey?

[Anonymous No.]

What's really good witcha, you already know who it is...

So guess who just got their black belt in Brazillian Jiu Jitsu...What is
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu you ask ? You best be joking faggots, that shit is used
by navy seals and ufc fighters and shit. It's widely regarded as the
CA$HEST and most deadly martial art known to man, since it was invented by
ninjas thousands of years ago to kill people both quickly, and silently.

Ever played 'Assasin's Creed' ? When Altair comes up behind an unsuspecting
peasant and snaps their neck like a twig...yeah, thats what I will do to
anyone whoever dares skip me in line. Wait a second, thats right, I never
wait in lines cuz I'm always VIP, thanks to my nigga Joey Friedman ! (and
just about every other promoter in gainesville)

So I dare you, talk some shit to ya boy Ramiro's face. I learned this move
the other week where I can snap your arm clean off at the shoulder, then
use it to beat the piss out of your ugly girlfriend. (It's actually called
a "Kimura").

On the grind.
Ya Boy Ramiro

[Anonymous No.]

I think the worst part about shmup fanboys is that they're basically /v/'s equivalent of hipsters. They come in here with their shitty obscure arcade games from 1995 that nobody's even heard of, and act as if they're the most epic games ever made. They talk about the forgettable music, horrendously outdated gameplay (there's a reason shmups aren't a big genre anymore), and DEEP scoring systems on games that nobody else here gives two fucks about. They'll use their in-clique terms amongst each other in a desperate attempt to sound sophisticated and leet to everyone else. And why? To be cool on the internet. Don't bother mentioning that shmups as a whole are terrible- this only makes them cooler for liking something so obscure and disliked.

Better yet, most of them have a severe case of unwarranted self-importance. Acting like you're superior over video game abilities is retarded in its own right, but they take it to a whole new level. They've actually deluded themselves into thinking that it takes far more skill to play the same level again and again against a predictable AI opponent than competing with other players on say, a fighting game or FPS. Once you get them mad by pointing out their faggotry, they'll immediately start rageposting about how you "can't handle the difficulty" and how their shitty genre is "too advanced for modern gamers". You'd think that these kind of retro-goggle retards would have died out a long time ago, but this sadly isn't the case. When you throw in their tendency to be headband-toting japanophiles, you get some of the worst posters this side of 4chan.