/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

How does /jp/ feel about its depression?

Do you have "everything is bad, I'm ugly, stupid" moments or it's more serious with no real solution and only option might be Balamb Garden?

[b.b.hood !ponpOnMgkc No.]

Balamb Garden is a great track.

[Anonymous No.]

My experience is more along the lines of "everyone is watching me, silently judging my every action, waiting for the opportunity to exploit my mistakes." Depression is just a side effect of continually operating under those conditions.

[Anonymous No.]

'Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec' is an anagram of 'succession of witches' and 'love'.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858342
That's paranoia. Completely different. Completely normal.

[Anonymous No.]

I wouldn't say I'm depressed so much as I just have critically low self-esteem at times.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858328

No real solution. Got used to it and learned to live with that, alone here. Doesn't change the fact I'm depressed thought, but at least I'm not complaining or acting pathetically.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858328
> I'm ugly, stupid
That's why I dropped from uni and covered my room's mirror with ducktape

I'm on /jp/ everyday but I rarely post, idk why

[Anonymous No.]

Sometimes when I have to go out in public I get really worried that people might notice me looking at girls. When that happens I have to leave otherwise I tend to start acting weird. That's mostly why I'm a hikki.

[Anonymous No.]

GID and depressions that follow.
No cure for it other than dealing with it, one way or another.

Never going the Balamb Garden route though, there are still alot of VN's i want to read and lewd stuff i want to do.

[Anonymous No.]

What is it like to not have depression?

[Anonymous No.]

Only autists like ZUN!bar are depressed. The majority of /jp/ isn't depressed and doesn't live in their parent's basement.

Grow the hell up.

[proREMIRIAt Elite Force Commander !rSDMROXTB. No.]

I don't want to work nor study, but it bores me to do nothing all day. I don't care about things like relationships and friends. I like being alone.

I don't have a "goal" or any plans in my life besides solving the problem immediately in front of me, nor I truly desire something.

I just want to die and see if the magic happy afterlife really exists, but I can't betray my family by committing suicide, so everyday I wish for the world to end, and as I cannot choose when I will die, I keep working and studying, waiting...

I really hope 2012 will be the end of the world.


Or maybe I just should try drugs.

[Anonymous No.]

>I'm ugly
Why would you care? After you've reached 2D enlightenment, your looks no longer matter.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858345
>time travel witch hunters
The best part was end of CD3, where they warp around and kill the primary witch in the past. I liked the whole lunatic pandora arc.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858391
And how are you so sure of this?

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858382
why not just remove mirror from room?

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858342
Good god are you me ?
I suffer this shit as well every single fucking day, it's miserable.
Luckly in the army it goes away because everybody knows everybody so you gradually start to feel at ease and more relaxed.
I go around with a madoka magica skin plastered on my laptop, a cute animu character strap on my keyring and talk about videogames everyday and surprisingly no one really judges me about that or keeps me away because I'm weird.
Actually I wish I had joined sooner instead of wasting years doing nothing at an university but at least I've lived like a neet.

[b.b.hood !ponpOnMgkc No.]

>My experience is more along the lines of "everyone is watching me, silently judging my every action, waiting for the opportunity to exploit my mistakes."

The worst is when this ends up forcing you to do inconvenient things instead of just feeling anxious. "Oh that bus looks pretty full, I don't want to get on it and have everyone look at me" *walks home instead, arrives 2 hours later, punches wall, grabs etc*

[Anonymous No.]

But I'm not depressed.
I don't always feel bad and I don't complain about anything in my life. It's more like I feel nothing in particular, neither happiness, nor sadness.
People tell me it's strange to live like this, but for me, it's nothing speciall.
One could compare it with gray: I don't see everything either black or white, because it's something in the middle of the two.
I also think that some people on /jp/ live like this. Or do you mostly feel really bad about your life?

[Anonymous No.]

I'm not really depressed anymore ever since I've been on stronger medication. There was a time where I didn't have any desire to keep living anymore and just wanted to be dead, and was like a zombie, but nowadays it's much better thankfully.

I still have lots of other mental problems, but at least I'm reasonably happy right now.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858431

I agree.. I have done that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858465

Same bro, Im more of the "anyway the wind blows" + "Nothing Really Matters" (Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody_

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858472
>>7858486
Was me!


>>7858392
Seems like there is a lot of people here that I feel like I can relate to. Wow. I dnt want the world to end, I DONT want to die but I know its going to happen and don't care when it happens.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858421
ZUN!bar?

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858556
no it's kog

[Anonymous No.]

I'm tired of it, I want to feel nothing, but maybe I will see a psychiatrist soon.

>>7858395
It feels like when you don't feel anything, but in a good way. Let's say, you're not hungry, not sleepy and you don't feel anything, and that's not a bad thing for you, because you can laugh easily, or do whatever you would like.

>>7858392
I am like you, except that I don't care about my parents. What's stopping me from dying is some stupid ass religion/mysticism that I learned in my younger years. I'm afraid that if I hurt someone by my suicide, I would reincarnate in another world, and have a even shittiest life.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858589
you can't just blame everything on kog it's not healthy

[Anonymous No.]

I'm almost never depressed.

I actually seek out depressing things so I can get the feeling of achievement when I overcome them.

Fuck yeah.

[Anonymous No.]

I usually self-medicate with alcohol and occasionally benzos until those thoughts go away.

[Anonymous No.]

I don't know if I'm depressed but I feel tired all the fucking time. Like I've ran for 2 fucking hours. All the time. Shit sucks.

[Anonymous No.]

I'd rather not talk about it.

[Anonymous No.]

I'm so depressed I can't even blink

[Anonymous No.]

Alright, how many hoops do you have to jump through to get a proper diagnosis for depression?

In this welfare state of mine, that's all you need to get your government bucks.

[Anonymous No.]

Get depressed
Stay home, play video games
Depression lowers
Get a job
6 months later
Back to step 1

[Anonymous No.]

Hm.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858390
That feel when random strangers try to start conversations with you about some girl and not only do you not know what to say, but you're worried that the stranger is the girl's father/boyfriend/brother either trying to start shit or making an attempt to hook the two of you up and you make an ass of yourself then in the end all the guy wanted to do was talk but he didn't know you were an autistic piece of shit.

[Anonymous No.]

I don't know. I lack any self-confidence, because most of the time, no one seems to want my company. I understand why, since I don't really have any significant skills or a desirable personality, and I'm not really interesting or even physically attractive...

And I'm getting lazier and lazier. I'm still in college, but my major is in liberal arts, and i'm too unmotivated to care at all about any of my classes. I don't study unless it's the night before (for like...half-semester midterms) and I rarely even do my homework properly. Somehow my GPA is still 3.0 though, which proves how worthless the program is...

[Anonymous No.]

Myself i am not really depressed.
Just very very paranoid for some reason.

And mostly to the point where it seriously fucks over anything i try to do.

Even if i know that people i walk by on the street dont give one shit about me i can feel their eyes on me waiting for me to show my back so they can put a knife in it.

>>7858465
>"Oh that bus looks pretty full, I don't want to get on it and have everyone look at me" *walks home instead, arrives 2 hours later, punches wall, grabs etc*

All day erry day.

[Anonymous No.]

Myself i am not really depressed.
Just very very paranoid for some reason.

And mostly to the point where it seriously fucks over anything i try to do.

Even if i know that people i walk by on the street dont give one shit about me i can feel their eyes on me waiting for me to show my back so they can put a knife in it.

>>7858431
>"Oh that bus looks pretty full, I don't want to get on it and have everyone look at me" *walks home instead, arrives 2 hours later, punches wall, grabs etc*

All day erry day.

[MayaFey !pgmMEmnfNo No.]

I sometimes feel that life is too much effort for little gain and what it would be like to end it, but i wouldn't say that i'm depressed.

Not really sure why i have those thoughts really. While i don't do much, i've had a couple close friends and relatively satisfied with my life (i wouldn't say happy though). I just randomly feel that it is a pointless endeavour to continue.

[Anonymous No.]

I swing between states of terrible self esteem and borderline megalomania. Used to be depressed and self hating, but now I feel more detached, mood is pretty flat, most things feel like they're not really happening to me, it just feels like I'm a 3rd party to it.

Things have got a lot better since I stopped leaving the house though, no more social anxiety problems, just financial ones now. For the most part I can take it easy and watch the hours crawl by but the years fly past.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858390
I think I understand this. Sometimes I have a paranoi about small things like if I'm looking at something or if I blink at the wrong time.
Thank God for sunglasses.

[Anonymous No.]

I'm in love with a 2D girl, which both depresses and disgusts me.
I've turned down 3 girls because I only have eyes for my waifu now.

[Anonymous No.]

Does anyone else have that problem where whenever you're around other people your mouth starts to produce buckets of excess saliva and you can't stop yourself from loudly gulping every minute?

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858880
II use to think that, but found it it was all in my head

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858880
I have a similar problem but with sweat. It's so bad that after about 30 minutes around people pretty much anything I touch with any part of my body, where I'm sitting, where I set my arms, leaves a wet spot from the sweat soaking through my clothes.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858382
Duct-taped mirrors? Sounds good, I want to punch the mirror everytime I look at it.

Nowadays the depression is mostly numb, instead of all lows, my mood is a flat line, no ups, no downs. Meh. Sometimes rage when other people say "lol anon it's so easy to be happy, just be confident, and you'll find the right person for you! There's someone for everyone out there!"

[Anonymous No.]

I can't even tell if I'm depressed or not anymore. What was it like to not be depressed? What was it like when I became depressed? Am I still depressed? I don't know. I'll just assume I am.
I don't think depression is even close to being one of my biggest problems anyway.

>>7858392
That's exactly like me, except I have different reasons why I haven't killed myself yet and instead of working and studying I'm living on welfare money.

>>7858431
I don't even considered public transportation an option if it takes less than 2h by bike or walking.

[Yasu No.]

I acted stoic throughout my high school years, I'd wear a serious face 3/5 of the time, and a faint, sarcastic smile whenever I felt nervous. I really, REALLY wanted to be normal and make friends, but didn't want to appear vulnerable. I ignored every person who tried to approach me, even if I wanted to learn about them. But in the end it was worth it, wasn't it?

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858844
>most things feel like they're not really happening to me, it just feels like I'm a 3rd party to it.
That's a mild psychosis, I think. I have the same thing, feels like I'm not really 'there' where I am, at least not how it used to feel when I was younger.

>Things have got a lot better since I stopped leaving the house though
Doesn't seem to help me, unfortunately. The feeling I get in my head when I go outside just gets worse and doesn't go down no matter how long I stay outside. Nowadays I just don't leave the house anymore, unless it's together with my father to some place.

>>7858639
>I'm afraid that if I hurt someone by my suicide, I would reincarnate in another world, and have a even shittiest life.
We call that world 'Hell'.

[Anonymous No.]

have depression, but what bothers me more than anything is whenever my throat feels like it's being choked. my anxiety never use to be this bad, but now it is

[Sudo !Tohsaka8ks No.]

I pretty much feel nothing all the time. Nothing really brings me happiness anymore. I only partake in my hobbies because I need some way to pass the time.

[b.b.hood !ponpOnMgkc No.]

I've also found depression to wane as I get older and just be slowly overtaken by boredom / escapism. Drugs might not be the answer to life's problems, but if it helps hours of pixiv browsing and imagining yourself in a places more exciting than this, so be it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858924
>I can't even tell if I'm depressed or not anymore.

This sums it up pretty well for me. I've been depressed for so many years that after a while it sort of just became normal. Also as time goes on I feel any slight chance I had of getting anywhere in life slowly slipping away, but I can't bring myself to do anything about it.

[「ロリあき」 No.]

>>7859000
Same. I am unsure as to the state of my depression. However, I no longer lay in bed all day when I should be going to school or work, so I do have some sort of quantifiable success. I don't notice any difference in how I feel, which is somewhat alarming.

[Yasu No.]

>>7858382
Same here, and I only take photos for official documents. (never look at them though.)

[Y10NRDY !kxh.1oTAkU No.]

>>7858985
>Drugs

Be careful, bro. I self-medicated for years and eventually the drugs became a problem in and of themselves.

I've been on meds for five years now and I'm definitely better than I was. I'd be lying if I said I don't wax some serious melancholia on a regular basis but at least I don't seriously contemplate suicide every morning.

There's something to be said for that.

[Anonymous No.]

I'm kind of manic, so I alternate between periods of insane productivity and then crushing apathy/ennui/boredom.

[Anonymous No.]

I do have those moments, like mostly everyone, but I usually recover pretty quickly from them.

[b.b.hood !ponpOnMgkc No.]

>>7859032
But I need to make my pixiv fantasy dreams as real as possible.

[Anonymous No.]

i prefer to think eat solves depression, (at least now)
20 years later ---> teh pic (i feel bad linking the pic)

[Anonymous No.]

I'm not in a constant depressive state. Maybe once or twice a month, I find myself lying in bed and questioning my life and beating myself up emotionally. During this, I get myself motivated to do something about my life. Then when I wake up the next morning, I'm no longer depressed and no longer motivated to do anything. I just return to status quo.

Does anyone else have that "deadline" feeling? That feeling where you need to do something or your life could get worse?

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859087
Deadline for portals?

I think it's around 20 - later you might be too old.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859100
Looks like I have one more year left.

[Anonymous No.]

Depression has been conquered by modern medical science for decades. See a doctor.

[Anonymous No.]

I was diagnosed with a major depression disorder when I was about 14-16. The psychiatrist told me I'd have to live with this for the rest of my life and gave me some pills. I threw them away a couple of years after being diagnosed since they really weren't helping much. I figured out that the only real cure would be isolating myself from society, blocking my feelings, becoming something lesser than human, something hard and cold as a stone. Since then, I've started to find joy in little things, little things that I wouldn't have cared about before: the sound of raindrops, the smell of the night, watching plants grow, etc.
As for suicidal tendencies go, they stopped quite a while ago. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes, but it's not that bad, crying reminds me that I'm still human.
There's just one more thing to say, /jp/, you're my only true friend, whenever this bad feelings start coming back, I just have to visit you, you always make me smile, I think I'd just die if you were gone, I love you /jp/.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859087
>Does anyone else have that "deadline" feeling? That feeling where you need to do something or your life could get worse?

Every day. I'm about to turn 23 and I work a dead end job I hate. I want to quit so I can start a career, but I don't know what I want to do. I don't want to feel like I'm waking up just to put up with shit I don't care about so I can get a paycheck at the end of the month.

[PRINNY !nLFbzB/0pw No.]

>>7859087
Not really worse, just change. For some damn reason I feel that the 22nd of this month is supposed to be really important, but I don't recall why.

[Anonymous No.]

North Korea needs to start a war already so we can die being slightly less useless.

[Anonymous No.]

NEETs live like kings, so I don't get depressed, and neither should you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859294
If I was living like a king, I would be in that mansion right now.

[Anonymous No.]

Not much pleasures me in life so I lack goals, because there really isn't anything I want. I'm even getting bored of the internet, if it was turned off tomorrow I probably wouldn't care and just lay down in bed.

I don't feel much emotion other than the occasional despair. Sometimes I won't even be able to move and get physically sick from it, even then I won't cry. No matter how badly I want to I'm never able to cry.

I wish real life friendships were real. Maybe I could take my mind off the world and become a normalfag if I didn't have the ability to read minds. I know exactly what someone is thinking just by talking to them, which is terrible when people base most of their thoughts around how you look.

[Anonymous No.]

Yes, I have an everything is bad moment.
But it's more that the whole world is stupid, including me, but not just me.
Some things are so illogical, it makes one get close to crying at night, even though it never affects you in day to day life.
The only way to not lose the game is to go to gensokyo.
Everytime I'm overly happy, I remind myself that I'm losing to society and genetic programming that wants to keep you alive, when it's not completely rational to do so.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859300
You don't need a mansion, you just need a nice bedroom that has the essentials.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859319
Not that guy, but that's what you think before you live in a mansion.

I just want to play eroge all day. I suppose it is depressing when I'm not allowed to do that.

[Anonymous No.]

It happens every once in a while.

Some days I feel like an amazing gift from god to this forsaken earth, and I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror. I can hardly sleep and stay up for days at a time, and things start looking weird (colors start changing, most things start looking green, reds get blurry) but thats mostly from lack of sleep and too much energy.

Other days, I feel like absolute shit, and I look like absolute shit. I normally stay home on those days, which has caused me to lose jobs in the past, and miss many days of school. I just stay in bed and don't eat at those times. Can't even tell I'm hungry; I've gone days without eating like that before. Lucky I still live with my brother, or I'd probably be dead.

I think everyone goes through highs and lows like this though, maybe a bit higher and lower for me though.

I don't think this is a symptom of autism or ass-burgers of any kind anyhow.

[Anonymous No.]

There's a thunderstorm going on outside right now.
I had to walk the dog, so I left before it even started raining.
The wind along with unusually frequent lightning and thunder felt pretty good and refreshing.
And then, when I was furthest from my house it started pouring. Big, fat drops of water started pounding the pavement like thousands of angry bees. Torrents of pouring water formed small, ankle-deep streams on the streets, and the lightning got even stronger. In seconds I was completely drenched, my vision obscured by the rippling curtain of rain, punctuated by lightning flashes.

I haven't felt so alive in years.

I was grinning like a madman, and after a while I just started laughing out loud - any neighbors peeking out of their houses at the elements must think I'm crazy now. Halfway back to my house I was so drenched that I just took of my shoes and socks, and walked home barefoot, something I haven't done since I was a kid. If not for the fact that my dog was looking pretty miserable, I'd still be out there, walking in the rain.

I was feeling slightly miserable and somewhat frustrated earlier today, but this just cleared everything up better than any medication could.

[Anonymous No.]

I want to kill myself whenever I masturbate.
My life is nice but this ruins everything.
I want to die because I'm a failure who can't even do this much.I get depressed sometimes for days.
One of these nights I will kill myself because of this

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859461
I know what that feels like. You realize how pathetic you are when you know why you got excited.

[Anonymous No.]

I wake up everyday feeling like i'm god's gift to this beautiful green Earth, but that usually ends about the time I have my first akward conversation of the day.
If only I didn't have to interact with people my self esteem would be through the roof.
Most days I usually botch so many conversations I end up going to bed in the late afternoon because I know i'll feel better in the morning.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859506
don't worry about it it happens to the best of us

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859369
Isn't that bipolar disorder?

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859506
>>7859369
>>7858844
Undiagnosed Bi-polars?

[Anonymous No.]

This is a dumb fucking thread full of losers and other degenerate children.

[Anonymous No.]

Baww thread?

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858390
Pedo?

[Anonymous No.]

A few months ago I wrote a suicide note and informed two close friends I was off to kill myself. I stood at that bridge for a good 6 hours before pussying out. The guilt got to me, and I faced the consequences.

I am glad I didn't go through with it. I am feeling a little better now. SSRIs are a bitch.

[wtH !HELLB/V.96 No.]

i have a few i'm bad and stupid moments as HELL
no im ugly moments, not anymore

[Anonymous No.]

>>7858853
So I'm not the only one that despises yet loves 2d? My mind says no, it's pathetic and can never happen, I go out of my way not to think about it but no matter how long I stay away the feelings always come back when I'm reminded of them. Sometimes I will be browsing a random forum and I see a picture of her and I suddenly I remember what I am and feel ultra depressed.

[Anonymous No.]

Pretty much this.
Pic related.

[Anonymous No.]

Just recently, I said some stupid things to my best friend, and now he thinks I'm petty and immature. I'm not sure if our relationship will ever recover.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859579

This image got so fucking close of describing me with absolute precision that it actually made me really, really sad.

I'll go to sleep now. That pic goes to my depressive folder.

[Anonymous No.]

>moments
Ohoho

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859554
I don't know. I hope that I am not, but I suspect that I may be.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859596
>This image got so fucking close of describing me with absolute precision
I'd say that's about right, considering you bumped this thread and posted a Yotsuba B stick-figure picture.

[Anonymous No.]

It's been creeping in and out of my life since I was about 14. Definitely more sporadic now than it was in my mid-teens. Around age 17 it got so bad that I started to hear voices, but professional help made sure that was temporary.
Sometimes I think I'm free from it, but that's never the case. There were a few months last year where I got hit hard.

I don't really cry from it anymore, but I have been feeling paranoid. I'm relatively okay when I'm in solitude, but being seen by other people gives me an intense sensation of discomfort and fear.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859628
kill yourself

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859741
Being a pedo is nothing to kill yourself over, anon

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859754
yes it is
Reported for pedo.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7859778
No it's not.
Reported for anti-pedo.

[Anonymous No.]

I get depressed sometimes when I realize that addictive stupid games pretty much randomly hijack entire days of my life to the exclusion of things that I find important, like keeping in touch with the people who were once important to me. I like to pretend that they still are, but facts point to the contrary; I would rather kill an hour or six playing a retarded game than even think about approaching them again. I have the willpower of a dead fish.

Then again, I find ways to have fun in my daily life. So it's not really depression, I guess, because I can ignore it. Only when I sit back and think about life.

[Anonymous No.]

good old days

[Anonymous No.]

ya sigh bros the good old days wish i could make the days now ones to remember but im too tard to put things into perspective