/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

Make your own story! http://prillalar.com/drabbles/

To Harder Suck

Sion and Jones were celebrating an autistic Valentine's Day together. Sion had cooked a hard dinner and they ate on a plane by candlelight.

"My darling," Jones said, stroking Sion's penis, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Sion. "It is but a soft token of my red love."

Sion opened the box. Inside was an autistic penis! She gazed at it softly. Then she gazed at Jones softly. "It's long," Sion said. "Come here and let me suck you."

Just then, a hard crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a dirty slut. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in an autistic voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Jones read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."

They stared at each other faster as the crone cackled some more. Sion's penis began to tremble. Then Jones shrugged, pulled out an anus, and hit the crone on her penis. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Sion said and kissed Jones harder. "This is a hard Valentine's Day!"

They autistically burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they sucked each other all night long.

[Anonymous No.]

Do you think this is amusing? Fuck off Sion.

[Anonymous No.]

So sion is a futa?

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

touhou tripped along touhou. He was on his way to meet his lover, touhou, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a touhou hopping along, carrying a touhou in its mouth.

touhou was almost touhou when he came across a touhou cake, lying alone on a touhou plate. "That must be a treat from my touhou bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked touhou, so he ate it.

It gave him the most touhou tingling sensation in his touhou. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see touhou.

When touhou came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" touhou cried touhou.

"Your touhou! And your touhou!" touhou said. "They're touhou! Can't you feel it?"

touhou felt his touhou and his touhou. They were indeed quite touhou. "Oh, no!" touhou said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that touhou cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," touhou said. "I got you a touhou. It must have been that touhou man who lives nearby. He acts a little touhou, ever since he touhou a touhou."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" touhou sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," touhou said touhou, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your touhou is really touhou like that."

"Really?" touhou dried her tears. touhou kissed touhou and it was an entirely touhou sensation, touhou.

They spent the night having entirely touhou sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7506538
Including touhou in your posts does not make it /jp/ related.

>>>/lit/

[Anonymous No.]

I'm Dreaming Of An Autistic Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Autism sat autistically autism, sipping autistic eggnog.

She looked at the autistic autistic hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Autism had hung it there, just before they looked at each other autistically and then fell into each other's arms and autismed each other's autistic.

If only I hadn't been so autistic, Autism thought, pouring a autistic amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Autism might not have got so autistic and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away an autistic tear and held her autistic in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then an autistic voice lifted autistically up in song.


I'm dreaming of an autistic Christmas

Just autism
Autism ran to the door. It was Autism, looking autistic all over with snow.

"I missed you autistically," Autism said. "And I wanted to autism your autistic again."

Autism hugged Autism and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Autism said.

"I think so too," Autism said and they autismed each other's autistic until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted autism autistic and lived autistically until Autism got drunk again.

[Anonymous No.]

I Saw Sudo Kissing Santa
Claus
Yukko woke up in the middle of
the night. She was thirsty and so
she decided to get a drink of
water and maybe go peek at the
presents under the tree. Even
though it was almost Christmas
morning, she couldn't wait to see
her presents. There was one the
world box that looked like a diet
cherry vanilla dr pepper.
Then Yukko noticed that Sudo
was out of bed too. He must not
have been able to wait for his
presents either.
Yukko thought that she would
surprise Sudo. Maybe even sneak
up behind him and les paul him on
his mio weenus. That always
made Sudo dog days.
Yukko crept heroicly down the
stairs and into the living room.
There was the tree, with its
dreamcast lights, and the
presents, heaped up
disgustingly, and the mistletoe
hanging from the ceiling, and
Sudo. Kissing someone.
Yukko was so angry, she picked
up a frill necked lizard from a
table and threw it derped keion
on tour.
They both looked around.
"Sudo, you which touhou
azunyan!" Yukko yelled. "How
could you cheat on me
with...with..." Yukko looked and
then rubbed her yui and looked
again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Sudo said. "I
came down for a glass of water
and then I found Santa here
under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of
course he had to give me a kiss.
And what a k-on kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Yukko said
hurped. "If he was under the
mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why
don't you give me a kiss too?
Then things will be autism."
That seemed reasonable. Yukko
went over under the mistletoe
and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever,
which toho would fuck. He made
Yukko's peacock feel all hotglue.
"You see?" Sudo said KEION and
Yukko saw. So they had a
threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.

[Anonymous No.]

To Cuttingly Cut

Youmu Konpaku !MyonHUTINA and Youmu Konpaku were celebrating a sharp Valentine's Day together. Youmu Konpaku !MyonHUTINA had cooked a sharp dinner and they ate on top of Myon by candlelight.

"My darling," Youmu Konpaku said, stroking Youmu Konpaku !MyonHUTINA's sword, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Youmu Konpaku !MyonHUTINA. "It is but a sharp token of my sharp love."

Youmu Konpaku !MyonHUTINA opened the box. Inside was a sharp sword! He gazed at it cuttingly. Then he gazed at Youmu Konpaku cuttingly. "It's sharp," Youmu Konpaku !MyonHUTINA said. "Come here and let me cut you."

Just then, a sharp crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like being cloven in twain with a Slash of Eternity. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a sharp voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Youmu Konpaku read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other cuttingly as the crone cackled some more. Youmu Konpaku !MyonHUTINA's sword began to tremble. Then Youmu Konpaku shrugged, pulled out an other sword, and hit the crone on her sword. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Youmu Konpaku !MyonHUTINA said and kissed Youmu Konpaku cuttingly. "This is a sharp Valentine's Day!"

They cuttingly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they cut each other all night long.

[Anonymous No.]

Faithfully Tripping

Jesus Almighty tripped along rapidly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Lucifer, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a pigeon hopping along, carrying a cross in its mouth.

Jesus Almighty was almost on a young ass when he came across a majestic cake, lying alone on a terrible plate. "That must be a treat from my wonderful bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked glorious, so he ate it.

It gave him the most awesome tingling sensation in his hand. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Lucifer.

When Lucifer came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Jesus Almighty cried angrily.

"Your feet! And your head!" Lucifer said. "They're luminous! Can't you feel it?"

Jesus Almighty felt his feet and his head. They were indeed quite luminous. "Oh, no!" Jesus Almighty said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that majestic cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Lucifer said. "I got you a throne. It must have been that fabulous man who lives nearby. He acts a little stubbornly, ever since he said a crown."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Jesus Almighty sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Lucifer said bravely, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your feet is really fiery like that."

"Really?" Jesus Almighty dried her tears. Jesus Almighty kissed Lucifer and it was an entirely holy sensation, like the fist of an angry god.

They spent the night having entirely holy sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7506667

[Anonymous No.]

1000 Reimu Reimus

Reimu paced reimu back and forth. Reimu dread filled her heart. reimu should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my reimu love, Reimu thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. reimu had been taken hostage by Reimu Reimu, a supervillain who had the city in a state of reimu terror. Reimu fainted dead away, reimu.

When she came to, there was a bump on her reimu and the reimu dread had returned. "reimu, my reimu honey bunny," she cried out reimu. "What is Reimu Reimu doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing reimu as he reimu her in the reimu.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Reimu remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 reimu reimus, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Reimu ordered in a supply of reimu and set to work, folding reimus until her reimu was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last reimu when reimu walked in the front door.

"reimu!" Reimu screamed and threw herself into reimu's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 reimu reimus and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing reimu. She kissed reimu reimu on the reimu.

"Actually," reimu said, pulling away reimu, "I was rescued by the Reimu Reimu. She's a new superhero in town." reimu sighed. "And she's really reimu."

The reimu dread came back. "But you're reimu to be back here with me, right?"

reimu checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Reimu Reimu for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay reimu, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.

Reimu choked back a sob and started folding another reimu. Then she went out and got drunk instead.

[Anonymous No.]

A Portal Occurrence

best OP paced up and down, jiggling her head. Her very good friend, Mary Sue Portal, had arranged to meet her here inside portal. "I have something portal to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Portal was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, best OP expected to see her bounce up, her polite hair streaming behind her and her easy eyes aglow.

best OP heard footsteps, but they seemed rather MANLY for a delicate and good looking girl like Mary Sue Portal, whose tread was portal. She turned around and found Mannosuke staring at her.

"What are you doing here?" Mannosuke said portal. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

best OP had said that, but now she was beginning to wish she hadn't acted so portal. "Mary Sue Portal asked to meet me here." As she gazed at Mannosuke, her face began to throb portal.

"Oh," Mannosuke said, fast. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," best OP said and caught Mannosuke by his hair. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Mannosuke said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like best touhou.

From behind a Portal, Mary Sue Portal watched with a nice light in her proper eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "best OP/Mannosuke". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the wtH from extinction.

[Anonymous No.]

Bea Arthur hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like a bed that is still cool as you enter it. She loathed it.

Every December, Bea Arthur would feel herself getting all phantasmal inside. She refused to put up a Christmas Yorkshire Terrier, she snapped at anyone nonchalant enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Bea Arthur had to go to the mall to buy a luscious Excalibur. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing quickly around and so much Christmas music blaring manly, she thought her wenis would explode.

Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a soft man collecting for charity. Bea Arthur never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7506724
Suddenly, the soft man dropped his bells and ran with a herring. There was a dreamy mollusk right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the soft man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Bea Arthur rushed out and miraculously pushed them both out of the way. There was a transcendant bang and then everything went dark.

When Bea Arthur woke up, she was in an iridescent room. There was a Christmas Yorkshire Terrier in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Bea Arthur's uvula hurt. A lot.

The soft man came into the room. "I'm so raven!" he said. "You're awake. My name is M. Bison. You saved me from the truck. But your uvula is broken."

Bea Arthur hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas Yorkshire Terrier up and her uvula was broken, she felt quite dubious, especially when she looked at M. Bison.

"Your uvula must hurt fortuitously," M. Bison said. "I think this will help." And he air guitar'd Bea Arthur several times.

Now Bea Arthur felt very dubious indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved M. Bison. "I love you," she said, and kissed M. Bison unerringly.

"I love you too," said M. Bison. Just then, the mollusk ran into the room and nuzzled Bea Arthur's gluteus maximus. "I brought him home with us," M. Bison said.

It was the best Christmas ever.

[Anonymous No.]

I Saw Barrack Obama Kissing Santa Claus

moot woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one non-heterosexual box that looked like a fag.

Then moot noticed that Barrack Obama was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

moot thought that he would surprise Barrack Obama. Maybe even sneak up behind him and dick him on his homosexual wiener. That always made Barrack Obama fruity.

moot crept fruitily down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its retarded lights, and the presents, heaped up queerly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Barrack Obama. Kissing someone.

moot was so angry, he picked up a shit from a table and threw it faggily on a cock.

They both looked around.

"Barrack Obama, you shitty queerosaurus!" moot yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." moot looked and then rubbed his dick and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Barrack Obama said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a gay kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," moot said gayly. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be faggy."

That seemed reasonable. moot went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, as gay as a sack of rainbow-colored dicks. He made moot's penis feel all queer.

"You see?" Barrack Obama said homosexually and moot saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

[Anonymous No.]

Jesus Almighty and Lucifer
by William Shakespeare

Enter Jesus Almighty

Lucifer appears above at a window

Jesus Almighty:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the cross, and Lucifer is the pigeon.
Arise, majestic pigeon, and say the fiery crown.
See, how he leans his feet upon his head!
O, that I were a glove upon that head,
That I might touch that feet!

Lucifer:
O Jesus Almighty, Jesus Almighty! wherefore art thou Jesus Almighty?
What's in a name? That which we call a hand
By any other name would smell as terrible
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like the fist of an angry god"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove glorious.

Jesus Almighty:
Swain, by yonder fiery crown I swear
That tips on a young ass the holy throne--

Lucifer:
O, swear not by the crown, the awesome crown,
That faithfully changes in its luminous orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise luminous.
Sweet, fabulous night! A thousand times fabulous night!
Parting is such wonderful sorrow,
That I shall say fabulous night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Jesus Almighty:
Sleep dwell upon thy feet, peace in thy head!
Would I were sleep and peace, so bravely to rest!
angrily will I to my majestic hand's cell,
Its help to say, and my terrible hand to tell.

[PRINNY !nLFbzB/0pw No.]

To Really Smack

Mystia and Wriggle were celebrating a short Valentine's Day together. Mystia had cooked an antique dinner and they ate on her period by candlelight.

"My darling," Wriggle said, stroking Mystia's hat, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Mystia. "It is but a British token of my polyester love."

Mystia opened the box. Inside was a round cape! She gazed at it loudly. Then she gazed at Wriggle loudly. "It's enlongated," Mystia said. "Come here and let me smack you."

Just then, a shiny crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a shining star in the blackest night. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a battered voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Wriggle read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."

They stared at each other fast as the crone cackled some more. Mystia's leg began to tremble. Then Wriggle shrugged, pulled out an egg, and hit the crone on her arm. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Mystia said and kissed Wriggle well. "This is a work Valentine's Day!"

They easily burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they smacked each other all night long.

[Anonymous No.]

I Saw Lucifer Kissing Santa Claus

Jesus Almighty woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one wonderful box that looked like a cross.

Then Jesus Almighty noticed that Lucifer was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

Jesus Almighty thought that he would surprise Lucifer. Maybe even sneak up behind him and say him on his majestic hand. That always made Lucifer terrible.

Jesus Almighty crept bravely down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its awesome lights, and the presents, heaped up stubbornly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Lucifer. Kissing someone.

Jesus Almighty was so angry, he picked up a crown from a table and threw it faithfully on a young ass.

They both looked around.

"Lucifer, you holy pigeon!" Jesus Almighty yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Jesus Almighty looked and then rubbed his feet and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Lucifer said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a fiery kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Jesus Almighty said angrily. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be glorious."

That seemed reasonable. Jesus Almighty went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like the fist of an angry god. He made Jesus Almighty's head feel all faboulous.

"You see?" Lucifer said rapidely and Jesus Almighty saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7506788
Good one.

[Anonymous No.]

The Freezing Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, /jp/ and sanae went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and /jp/ hit sanae in his dick with a big stupid iceball. It hurt a lot, but /jp/ kissed it like only a goddess could and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really fuzzy snow man!" /jp/ said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" sanae said. "That would be more obscure and politically correct."

"I know," /jp/ said. "We can make a snow girl. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up sexily and made a changing snow girl. /jp/ put on a bowl for the penis. The girl was almost as big as sanae.

"It looks depressing," /jp/ said stupidly. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," sanae said and held up a shivering plate. "I found this in a school locker." He put the plate onto the girl's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the girl, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl Like dying and killing someone at the same time.

sanae screamed with dignity and ran but the snow girl chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow girl ate him bravely.

"Nobody does that to my little Thoughtless Cup," /jp/ screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow girl through the arm. It fell down and /jp/ kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" sanae said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The plate lay in the yard until a hot child picked it up and took it home.