/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

why don't you have a gf /jp/?

[Anonymous No.]

Nothing to see here, folks.
Move along.

[Anonymous No.]

Because I'm only talented enough to devote my attention towards one thing and be able to succeed in it. And rather than focus on some whore, I'd rather focus on something that will be able to provide benefit to me in the future.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946612
>>6946615
U MAD

To OP, see pic.

[Anonymous No.]

Wojak, is that you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946621
zyzz is a virgin nerd

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946612
>>6946615
>>6946624
"Sage" doesn't mean "I don't like this thread" fags.

[Anonymous No.]

12 years old little girls don't have girlfriends, they have onee-samas.

[Anonymous No.]

Reported for shit posting.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946629
And there's no reason for bumping a thread already on the front page.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946635
Oh yeah? well my dad is a CEO of 4chan, he can log your IP and ban u 4 EVER

[Anonymous No.]

i love hearing stupid excuses

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946644
My mom works for 4chan's server she can block your ISP

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946629
No one implied that. This thread is not board related, therefore it doesn't need bumping.
Enjoy bumping your own thread alone.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946647
>clearly mad about this topic

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946646
That can't be, because women don't have equal rights
We're not in Gensokyo

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946647
It's easy modo though. Lift weights, gain confidence, talk to girls, get laid.

In before some otaku fag says it doesn't work like that or that he doesn't want to get laid anyway.

[Anonymous No.]

they're all dirty whores.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946658
This man is right
But I really don't want to get laid

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946658
or we can just visit your mom to get laid lmao owned virgin faggot nerd

[Anonymous No.]

Oh god, we are getting trolled so hard, there's blood all over my chair and my anus is throbbing and I am so mad right now I just want to hide in a dark place and cry.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946658
getting fit doesn't heal your confidence back when your penis is small AND bent.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946666
This man is quads

[Anonymous No.]

everyone is obligated to post if virgin

[Anonymous No.]

Women are too much work, I can't deal with all their shit.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946668
Your mad is showing
Since you even bothered to reply, "ironically

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946676
I bet it's smaller than a jap anyway so you can still lay asians easy modo.

Go to Japan and all girls will be like
>wow, white AND strong!!!1

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946682
>implying you can get a woman even if you tried
lmao so mad you have to sage

>mfw

[Anonymous No.]

No, we believe that you're ruining our pasttime. Which is 4chan and (to a much lesser extent) anime/vidyagaems/etc.
I come here to be among the filth like me. The misogynists, the pedophiles, the transsexuals, the irreligious, the gays, the bi's, the racists, the otakus (and by that, I refer to the dakimakura-owning, waifu-loving dirt of society with posters of 2D anime girls all over the walls. The guy who spends all his money on a better computer and multiple anime figures to litter his walls and shelves).

I do not come here to listen to how and your girlfriend had a tiff and you want help getting back together.
I do not come here to listen to your preaching about how easy it is to lead a normal life.
I do not come here to AIM or MSN or otherwise 'chat' with you.
I do not come here to listen to your disgusting drivel about how you spend time everyday watching anime with your girlfriend and need a recommendation for another.

If I wanted any of that shit, I'd go to gaiaonline, or myspace, or facebook.

No, I come here to look at pathetic losers post their fantasies about dating their 2D lover.
I come here to see pedophiles exchange erotica involving underaged minors.
I come here to watch stormfront refugees fabricate various 'evidence' about how other races are inferior to whites.
I come here to view the tips and stories given by crackheads and druggies addicted to oxy.
I come here to revel in the filth of humanity so that I can feel at home.

I've already done as best as I possibly can to filter shit out. I've got the 4chan filter, I can hide individual posts, I can hide threads, and various other annoyances taken care of, but it doesn't help nowadays.
If I wanted normal, I'd go somewhere else.
But you do not understand this desire, and so will respond with "LUL4CHANIZSECRETBASE" or some other nonsense rather than actually argue for your staying here.

Fucking normalfags.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946698
Two days ago (sunday night) I cried myself to sleep. This girl (I will refer to her as Sarah) I have been obsessed with since 3rd grade threw a birthday party on saturday, it was a pretty casual house party, so people brought friends along, of course I was not invited (no girl would ever invite me to a party), but my friend asked me to come along, and of course I jumped at the opportuinity.

Around an hour into the party, it happened that me and Sarah were alone in the kitchen while others danced and talked in the living room. I was there to get a drink, and when I came in and saw her by the fridge, a deep shocking, sinking feeling almost paralysed me with fear, as I just stood there staring at her for about 5 seconds (I am absolutely TERRIFIED of females, especially Sarah, I had no idea she would be in there alone). When she looked at me I quickly glanced away in shame. After about 10 awkward seconds of me staring at the floor and her standing there awkwardly, she finally spoke.

"Uh, hi, you're Nick, right?"
"No. Nicholas."
"Oh, but it's Nick for short, right?"
"No."
"Sorry, I must have you confused with someone else."

I couldn't think of anything to say.

"Want a drink?"
"Yeah. Thanks.

She handed me a beer.

[Anonymous No.]

I believe you shouldn't underestimate Aikido. Now I know you may be thinking, "Why take a weakling martial art like Aikido seriously when I am learning Kendo?" I can see why you would think that, how can a peaceful martial arts like Aikido beat a powerful one like Kendo?

Well, I have a story to share with you.

Years ago, I was a Kendoka, I thought I was the toughest kid in high school, I would pick fights, and kick ass. I was full of hate, until I picked a fight with the wrong dude. He was a Japanese exchange student, I still remember his name, Noboru Takeda.

I picked on him because of his hilarious and thick Japanese accent. I told him I was going to beat him so hard, he would go back to China(Yeah, I was a little racist prick.), he never said anything back, made me wanted to kick his ass even harder.

Well, here comes the fight. I threw men and do strikes, he dodged them like I was a mere white belt. I was tiring out and he knew, I saw the smirk on his face that made me raged hard. I put all my strength in one amazing tsuki, and he grabbed past it to my wrist and threw me over. My back smacked on the hard cement ground, and I was knocked out for who knows how long.

When I woke up I was in the school infirmary, I asked the nurse who brought me here, and you guessed it, Noboru Takeda. The next day, he wasn't at school, he was back in Japan, and I never got to thank him, for saving my life and showing me the light. I soon learned that he was an Aikidoka and have been practicing Aikido ever since to show my thanks to him.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946709
LOL UNTROLLABEL

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946711
"I'M STRAIGHT EDGE!!"

I just tried to tell her I was straight edge (and therefore didn't drink), but I was so nervous when she approached me physically that it came out in what sounded like a confontational shout which totally wasn't what I intended.

"Sorry, uh there's a diet pepsi if you like"
"I don't drink diet soft drinks, they are carginogens."
"Oh.."

I couldn't stand the fear of being near her any more, so I scurried away and (again in that nervous shout) blurted out "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and heard her say "thanks" as I walked back into the living room, up the stairs and into the bathroom where I literally collapsed and started shivering on the floor with fear, tears came from my eyes. After about 5 minutes of just lying there I composed myself and went downstairs again. For the rest of the party I pretty much avoided her and talked with some people I knew.

When me and my friend got back home to my house and played a little PS2 for about half an hour, he left and I said bye. It was at this point I realised he had left his cell phone. As I was about to call him to tell him, it suddenly struck me that he probably had Sarah's number on his phone. I literally sat there for 45 minutes shivering with both anticipation and fear as I saw the number across the screen, begging me to call.

Simple. I'd just call her up, apologise for the awkwardness and ask her if she wanted to get coffee some time. The only problem was this was about the scariest thing imaginable. I felt my body ache with fear as I tried to press the "CALL" button on the cell phone several times but was too scared. I got a disconnecting feeling as if none of this was actually happening to me, like maybe it was all a dream. When I finally got the courage to call, my heart raced as I heard the dial tone.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946704
>If I wanted any of that shit, I'd go to gaiaonline, or myspace, or facebook.
implying u can ever be normal fag if you tried.

[Anonymous No.]

I have defeated countless opponents using Aikido, and they always ask me, Why are you so strong?

I answer, I'm not strong, you are.

Aikido uses the strength of the attacker back at them but 10 times stronger(estimate). Using Aikido and I can probably kill a charging Rhino using it's force right back at it, of course, I'm not going to try it, way to dangerous for any sane person.

I recommend practicing Aikido for every /jp/edo, as you are all physically weak, and Aikido is specialized for the weak to defend against the strong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDnYNroUmNs

A 50 year old man with cerebral palsy doing Aikido, very touching.

Arguably the most powerful martial arts in Japan.

An Aikido practitioner is practically invincible, no one of any martial arts background can ever land a punch or kick on one.

Using the power of the attacker, the Aikido practitioner uses absolutely no energy to knock them down.

A fearsome martial arts it is.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946718
"Hello?"
"Hey, sorry about earlier, I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for coffee some time ?(WHAT THE FUCK was I thinking??)"
"Sorry, who is this calling?"

I (stupidly) hadn't anticipated she would ask who it was. the question caught me totally off guard. I thought of just saying my name, or giving a fake name, or shouting out "your worst fucking nightmare", or avoiding the question, and a host of other ideas over the course of about 5 seconds. I was too stunned to even reply.

Another 5 seconds of silence.

"Are you still there?"
"Yeah...sorry, I.. it's"
"Oh, Nicholas right?
I was silent again
"Sorry yeah, I - I'm pretty busy lately but maybe- uh I'll call you another time if i get time to go out uh (I could regognize that she had no intention of calling me), what's your number?"
I gave her my number.
"Ok, well bye!"
"Bye."

As I hung up and put the phone down, the realization of what had just happened hit me like a wrecking ball, I collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep with exaustion. About 5 minutes later I get a call.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946716
You better watch yourself son I know aikido and I will fucking kill you if you keep this shit up.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946704
wow no one read that btw

autism

does anyone else find japan's president kawaii as FUCK?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946725
"Hello?"
A male voice.
"Is this Nicholas?"
"Yeah uh who is this?"
"I'm just calling to give you a friendly warning, stay away from Sarah, okay? She's my girlfriend, and she has no interest in you whatsoever, you're a creep."

The realization and jealousy that she had a boyfriend, coupled with the shock and unexpectedness of this call filled me with rage.

"FUCK YOU YOU MOTHER F-UNCLE FUNK" I stuttered incomprehensibly with rage.
"Man you're fucked up in the head aren't you. I'm WARNING you, stay away."

He hung up.

I literally let out a massive scream of both sadness jealousy anger and fear that gripped my entire body. I went to bed and got about 2 hours of sleep.

The next (sunday) morning, I got up feeling like absolute shit. As I always do to when I feel terrible, I force myself to walk outside, go to the mall (5 min walk) where there are lots of people, and buy something or run into someone I know. I couldn't find anyone I knew, so I bought a milkshake and walked out the front enterance, where I saw something that made my heart skip.

Sarah and some guy (probably her boyfriend?) walking into the mall. I saw her glance with shock at me and quickly look away trying to make it seem as if she hadn't noticed me. I rushed towards her.

[Anonymous No.]

I'll tell you guys an experience of mine.

Earlier this year I got summoned for jury duty, it would be the first time I'd left the house in about a year.
Coincidentally, this is also my first time being summoned for jury duty, so not only would I be in a completely new environment, but I'd be doing so alone (father can't accompany me and it's also embarrassing to have your dad hold your hand through jury duty.) and with my problems as a Hikkikomori and NEET.

My dad dropped me off at a building where I was told to go (Civil affairs, I think it was...) and so I'm on my own now. I'm all dressed up, had my hair cut, shaved and everything for this. I stumbled into a lady (or did she run into me?) either way, she dropped coffee on me and I ended up having to quickly take off my outer shirt so that the one under it wouldn't stain. I ended up taking almost both off, the second shirt coming up enough that it revealed my nipples. I'm super fucking skinny and it's really embarrassing and I was about to cry right there , I'm sure my eyes had been real fucking watery. The lady noticed (I think) and she took me to another room to get cleaned up. Fortunately The t-shirt I was wearing underneath the long sleeved one on top, was black and it barely got wet so no one would notice even if it had stained, but either way I felt horribly about my skinny arms that people would now be able to see, combined with my pale skin and the bags under my eyes from staying up so late, I was now super anxious about people thinking I'm a drug addict.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946726
You seem...Berserk

[Anonymous No.]

This is a bad thread and you should feel bad.
Offensive stealth sage.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946729
"SARAH!" I shouted

Her boyfriend turned around with shock and saw me.

"ARE YOU NICHOLAS?" he asked angrily.

I stood there staring.

"Get out of here man, we don't want anything to do with you, understand?"

"FUCK YOU, THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY!"

As a rage overcameme me, I rushed forward and threw my milkshake as hard as I possibly could at the bastard, totally missing him and tripping over myself in the process. What happened next was the worst feeling I had ever felt.

Sarah stood there laughing at me. The expression on her beautiful face, half disgust half laughter made me feel terrible like I never imagined I could. I hated her guts at that moment.

"YOU CUNT!" I yelled.

Her eyes widened, even her boyfriend looked shocked and the three of us stood there staring for maybe 5 seconds.

[Anonymous No.]

I'm terribly sorry to disappoint, but I only have these two sections of this pasta. I would absolutely love it if someone picked up where I have to leave off.


Okay, so now I'm more anxious than ever before and I go back to the room where everyone else who was summoned was waiting (and where the accident happened..), holy fuck. I sat alone in a corner in the FRONT (the only empty seat..) and waited, and waited.. for about 30 minutes that seemed like years to me, I was sweating through the whole thing, with watery eyes. I could fucking feel everyone's eyes burning into my back. (My eyes just got wet remembering it ;_;) Anyway, so from about 50 people that were gathered here, only 30 would have to go to the courthouse.. Yeah "go to the courthouse" FUCK ME. The whole fucking time I was under the impression that this was the courthouse, even though it didn't look like one. So I'm sitting there listening as the same lady from before is calling out the names. So I'd been keeping count, hoping that I wasn't one of them, we're at 29 and I'm about to scream inside my head with joy... and she calls out my name. A tear literally fell down my eyes and I walked out as fast as I could, only to have her call out to me and go.. hey! are you so-and-so? Then I remembered people answering "here" as if they were in school and I said with the shakiest voice possible "yeah" and she says to me, Here these are the directions on how to get there, and so I had to walk all the way back up there, get the paper and then go back out.. all while everyone else who wasn't called, but told to wait anyway, stared fixedly at my pathetic face.

[Anonymous No.]

my dad works with the internet and he can ban you for life i you keep trolling me

[Anonymous No.]

Yesterday, a little girl smiled at me cutely and that is as close as I want to get to a girlfriend in real life.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946735
"YOU MOTHER FUCKING CUNT!!" I yelled as I rushed at her. She made made me feel so terrible it physically hurt in my stomach. I was about to fucking attack her. I couldn't believe it. It was like some force was controlling me and like I had no control at all. God fucking damn I'm stupid when I'm angry and upset. Before I could reach her, her boyfriend grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me to the ground.

"JUST GET OUT OF HERE YOU FUCKING WEIRDO AND BE THANKFUL I DONT FUCKING KILL YOU!!"

I rushed for him with every ounce of anger and strength in my body and groaned as his fist connected with my tummy, winding and incapacitating me. He stared for a second, as if he hadn't expected me to be so easily beaten, before he and Sarah both ran off in a panic. I knew there was no way I could take him, and that he probably went to go get security. These facts, coupled with my crippling social awkwardness and the fact that people all over were staring at me like some kind of freak caused me to run home, totally defeated, clutching my tummy.

That night I considered suicide. My parents aren't home until next week and I felt an aching loneliness. I never went through with it, but have been left crippled emotionally. I havn't gone to school either today or yesterday. My parents will kill me when they get home. I'm a fucking failure of a human being.

[Anonymous No.]

Because you're a normalfag.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946716
literally mad because he can't troll the big boys

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946739
>Yesterday, a little girl smiled at me cutely and that is as close as I can get to a girlfriend in real life.
fixed

[Anonymous No.]

Hello! I posted about this problem of mine last night. Unfortunately, most of what I got were troll comments or people getting angry over silly things.

Anyway, here's my dilemma...I'm a hardcore gamer. I love videogames. They're important to me. If I'm not working, then I'm probably playing videogames. So, it's only natural that this would be a real selling point for any potential relationship interest.

My boyfriend is a horrible casual gamer. He owns no HD consoles and refuses to play anything that isn't old-as-dirt, horribly gimmicky, or just retro/hipster/kiddy garbage. He has a Wii, a PS2, a Nintendo DS, and a heaping mountain of old stuff he's packratted from the 80's and 90's....or, he DID have those things.

I finally followed my own advice. He's been off visiting his family because of some accident his sister had for the past few days and he's due home tonight. While he's been away, I've taken the liberty of selling a ton of the stuff he could never bring himself to part with and buying him something actually worth his time.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946746
I'm the other guy, man. It's just that I find that image ironic, since you people believe posters here masturbate in pantyhose or spend thousands of $$$ on dolls.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946750
I was quick to find a buyer. A local pawn shop eats things like this up, so they were happy to have me as a seller. Here's what my transactions have been like.

I sold: An NES + all of his NES cartridges, SNES + cartridges, Genesis + Cartridges, Genesis + games, Dreamcast (Didn't sell the games though. They were all burned onto disc, so they wouldn't take them), Virtual Boy + single game (Wario), PS2 + a fucking MOUNTAIN of old PS2 and PS1 games, and his Wii + all Wii and Gamecube titles. I didn't sell the DS...but that's only because he took it on the trip with him. All in all, the consoles + over 100 combined games netted me about 500 dollars.

As a surprise when he gets back, I bought him a new 250 GB PS3! Yeah yeah, 'nogaems'...but it makes sense. I own a 360, after all...so now we can share everything, since he finally has something worthwhile.

I was planning to get him FFXIII and Modern Warfare 2...but since I have those already, I decided to stick to exclusives or things I don't already own. Before he left, I subtly asked him if he'd ever play any PS3 games at all. He said he was actually interested in 3D Dot Game Heroes, so I got him that. Seems kinda 'hipster-y', but it's a start. On top of that, I also got him MAG. He doesn't seem to like FPS games, but he'll get used to them.

Anyway, I set everything up in the living room. He should be back within the hour. You think he'll like it and finally start to appreciate gaming as a modern form of entertainment?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946753
Are you some kind of idiot? People here honestly do those sorts of things. Did you miss the big thread where that CEO guy bought a 10k fuckdoll and posted pictures for everyone?

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946753
Are you jealous because your pocket money isn't enough to get that stuff?
no wonder you are a virgin nerd

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946745
Hahaha, wow I go on dates here in Japan all the time.
And I don't really care about otaku shit that much, I'm here for work.

>mfw I don't fuck them up

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946750
>>6946754
That one actually hurt.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946749
I could have kidnapped her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946756
dam seriously? was that thread archived
i will consider one of the dolls if its not expensive.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946756
Remind me, were you in that NHK 8-million-shintogods-shitstorm as well?

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit fag­got.

[Anonymous No.]

Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG developed by a bunch of monkeys.

Right away you'll notice Chess has no storyline. Instead, all you notice is the the White army and the Black army are fighting each other over a battlefield. Note the "a battlefield," because Chess only has one story map.

As for the actual combat, it's extremely dull. Each unit can kill another with only one hit. This means units with a real good movement ability dominate the field (more on that bellow). There aren't even any combat animations or anything that happens in combat. One unit moves on it's space and "captures" it, and the piece is removed from the game with no form of action or special effects.

Yawn.

Chess has shitty class balance. The Queen is flat out overpowered while your actual front line units, the Pawns. can't do shit. I think the developers were afraid that no one would use the female character so they buffed up her abilities really high but now theres no point in using any other unit.

The rest of the units suck. Rooks can only move in 4 directions, same with Bishops. Boring. Also, whats up with the Knight? It has the most bizzare combat abilities of all the units. They're retardly hard to use cause they jump around like retards to move and attack. The devs should have named this unit Ninja, since Knights didn't jump around like that in real life.

Worst part, is the king. You see, the devs decided that if your king gets captured, you instantly lose the game. W-T-F? This wouldn't be a problem, except that he can't move for crap. Seriously, the most important unit in the game can only move 1 space a turn? Good luck keeping him alive while every other unit in the game dances around him.

Unbalanced classes, lackluster gameplay, and not to mention repetitive 1 hour+ games. Chess is not worth the time or your money. Buy Final Fantasy Tactics or Disgaea instead.

3 out of 10.

[Anonymous No.]

MOD

FUCKING MOD

YOU'RE DELETING OTHER SHIT

DELETE THIS

FUCK

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spi­rit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946771
unlike you, mod must have a girl

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946767
No. Unfortunately, I don't have time to be here all day.

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon) 1d12 Damage 19-20 x4 Crit +2 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon) 2d10 Damage 17-20 x4 Crit +5 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and tw­enty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

why don't you have a gf /jp/?

60 posts and 12 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946771
Mods work for /b/ now

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lu­ngs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

My goodness, hello! My name is Ai-san, and I positively ADORE Japanese animation. My personal favorite is Naruto. At any rate, allow me to regale you with the finest day of my existence to date, when I first laid eyes upon my delicious significant other, Sasuke. There are no words to express how adorable he was in person! Incredibly, unendingly cute!

It was when I walked onto a Tokyo street that I looked up and saw Sasuke. "GOOD GRACIOUS, GOOD AFTERNOON, MY FINE, ATTRACTIVE SASUKE-SAMA!" I exclaimed. And then he briefly became child-like, and then reverted to normal!

He looked upon me, and saw my own attractiveness, then grabbed my hand and winked. He whisked me behind a confection shoppe, and began to lay kisses most sweet upon my lips! (In actuality, they tasted rather like ramen! I jest not!) Then, I saw some foolish fat trollop observing us, and I could easily see that she was mentally picturing him sans attire (I assure you, I was disbelieving and angry myself). So I yelled, "YOU UNINTELLIGENT FELINE, THIS IS MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER! YOU ARE MORE FIT FOR NARUTO, BECAUSE SASUKE-SAMA IS SMITTEN WITH MYSELF!" At that point, Sasuke held me close to his bosom, and stated that his heart would always belong to myself alone... and then laid the most tender kiss upon my lips once more! Afterward, we returned to his apartment and made sweet, passionate love all eve, from which union forty-two children came - all of whom became shinobi in their own right! Meow!

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twe­nty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946784
>>6946781
You're repeating yourself, dumbass

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundr­ed and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

haha OP is probably chocking with mad right now

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946786
he actually repreated himself 6 times, dumdum

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps i­nto my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

Unsure of whether I was losing my mind, or tha i've already lost it, I meanwhile formed a conjecture that I had actually found a portal to another dimension. The origin of the compulsions which led me to enter this brothel mystified me, but nonetheless I find myself here. The reasons are irrelevant.

A woman who I assume to be the Madam of the place directed me to enter a waiting room. The forcefulness with which her red-glossed talon pointed at the door gave me a shocking compulsion jolting my legs to move. Before I knew it, I found myself in this tiny cubicle. Theres hardly any space, I can't even sit down. 555...

My mind swarmed with questions, such as what compulsion led me to enter this dingy, horse-breath cubicle. Before I knew it, there was one other man standing beside me. I subterfugously slide my eyes to the side, drawing in the detail of this man from the edge of my vision.

He was wearing a weather-worn leather trenchcoat. His hair was a matt black, untidy like bed hair, while his face was honest and sanguine, covered in stubble. His eyes squinted against a non-existent rain, and behind them stared two dark pupils.

I must have been completely engorged with drawing in his image, because I realise I had turned to face him directly. When he had noticed, he startled for a moment, then with lightning speed, dashed off to my side on the edge of my vision.

He cleared his through. "Ahem. Chances are you probably know why I am here. Im here to relay to you a very important message."

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946790
Stop shitposting

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Sp­ace Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946793
I turned to face him so I could say "No, I don't, just who're you?" but before I could, he again sidestepped to the periphery of my vision.

"Somewhere in an alternate universe your waifu dreams about you, her husbando. "
Those words struck me with a certain heaviness, like they were truly profound words of meaning. For a split second I was taken aback my the sheer power of them. But then questions intruded my thought. Who was this guy? And more importantly, how did he know my lifestyle? Why was he talking like a 4chan otaku?

I moved my hand out to hold him on the shoulder, so he would stay in place. Moments before my hand touched his coat, he swooped downwards, slid between my legs and reappeared behind me. His face touched mine, his stubble bristling against my ear, I could feel a greasy warmth from his skin. Rattling a string of words like a machine gun, he said "She frequents a board very much like this one and she posts pictures of you, In this dimension you are a star of your very own slice of life anime.
She has a folder on her computer dedicated to you, it is over 10 GB big and has every conceivable fan art, rule 34, and picture related to you, She sleeps with a tear stained body pillow with your image on it, She is madly in love with you and only you."

Already he had scuttled out of the cubicle and left. I futilely cried out "Who are you! Why are you telling me this!". It was useless.

But then, from behind the door, a voice. That man, as a departing remark, opined "You are loved, mai.". And then, his head comically popped from the side of door and smiled at me. I hadn't noticed it before, but his lips were curved oddly, in the shape of a three. It was kind of funny, but also genuinely well-meaning. A contortionist perhaps? Or a congenital defect such as cleft lip?

To this day, these strange events that occured the night I entered that brothel have never left me.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946790
haha, yeah! i love how us otakus deal with trolls. so much better than /v/ or other boards. because we copy our japanese counterparts and their ways of dealing with trolls dates back to about 1980s when that guy made 2ch. so we know how to deal with them back!!!

good job guys posting pasta!! i bet the trolls are crying now :D

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slo­wly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

Seriously guys. I need some more Aikido here. I only have the two most common ones.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eye­s and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are pe­rmeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and na­sal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

i ma see this shit gets 100 post

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946803
Your mad is showing
Since you even bothered to reply, "ironically

[Anonymous No.]

You have to take a bath.
You have to take a bath.
Can't you feel it? During the night, while you slept, it came upon you. Grease. Grease, on every centimeter of your skin, from your fingertips to your face. Touch your cheek, quickly now?quickly! Surely you feel it now, how slippery, how utterly vile it has become. Everywhere. Everywhere.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three ­hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale ­three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

Picture yourself, in every moment of your life, passing from place to place and time to time. Picture those places and times and picture what happened to them. Has the past gone away when you left it? Is this true, can you not go back? If so, surely this can be the same way for places as it is for time. Imagine that when you leave a room, or simply turn away, a multitude of tiny organisms deconstruct the reality you can't see, and it ceases to exist. At the same time, the organisms weave together a new world wherever you go and for whatever you look at out of the material of that dead reality. This of course implies the back of your head does not exist either. So how does it seem familiar? Because when the back of your head does not exist, these organisms may restructure your brain directly in order to create the feeling of familiarity and of memory.
They do all this, without ever ceasing, out of knowledge passed down by instinct that when you cease to acknowledge reality, they as a whole will cease to exist, because reality is the knowing and they are the unknowing, both in mutual interdependence. In time they may attempt to rewire your brain or body to ensure this does not happen, but it is far more likely just one of them will realize that your brain is just a construct of your thought... and since thought is a product of your brain, that single organism, one of an infinite number of organisms will know it's true purpose is not in line with it's kind.

It's purpose is tanasinn.

[Anonymous No.]

Imagine you are having terrible nightmare. It's terrible, but it's terrible only to you and no other. It's a horror custom made for you by your own mind. The content is not important, but the fear is. When you wake, you wake in a room on a bed. It is your bed, but it is not your bed. It is your room, but it is not your room. With effort, you realize you have not awoken at all, but are still asleep and have dreamed of an awakening. The question remains if you are to wake and be greeted with reality, should you get out of bed or go back to sleep. You decide to do both, and you fall backward through the bed as the sheets envelop your body. It's dark, but it's not dark. You're awake, but you're not awake. You are dead and being cremated. As flames disintegrate your flesh, a scream echos through your mind but not does not escape your lips which, even if you could speak, have been glued shut. You black out once more, and awaken at dawn. As the mingled ashes of bone and oak are scattered on a beach by the one you've left behind, you finally understand:

You are not the ashes of the man, you are the ashes of coffin. You were not a man dreaming of life, but a tree dreaming you were a man.

This awakening, this epiphany... this is tanasinn.

[Anonymous No.]

­thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps i­nto my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG developed by a bunch of monkeys.

Right away you'll notice Chess has no storyline. Instead, all you notice is the the White army and the Black army are fighting each other over a battlefield. Note the "a battlefield," because Chess only has one story map.

As for the actual combat, it's extremely dull. Each unit can kill another with only one hit. This means units with a real good movement ability dominate the field (more on that bellow). There aren't even any combat animations or anything that happens in combat. One unit moves on it's space and "captures" it, and the piece is removed from the game with no form of action or special effects.

Yawn.

Chess has shitty class balance. The Queen is flat out overpowered while your actual front line units, the Pawns. can't do shit. I think the developers were afraid that no one would use the female character so they buffed up her abilities really high but now theres no point in using any other unit.

The rest of the units suck. Rooks can only move in 4 directions, same with Bishops. Boring. Also, whats up with the Knight? It has the most bizzare combat abilities of all the units. They're retardly hard to use cause they jump around like retards to move and attack. The devs should have named this unit Ninja, since Knights didn't jump around like that in real life.

Worst part, is the king. You see, the devs decided that if your king gets captured, you instantly lose the game. W-T-F? This wouldn't be a problem, except that he can't move for crap. Seriously, the most important unit in the game can only move 1 space a turn? Good luck keeping him alive while every other unit in the game dances around him.

Unbalanced classes, lackluster gameplay, and not to mention repetitive 1 hour+ games. Chess is not worth the time or your money. Buy Final Fantasy Tactics or Disgaea instead.

3 out of 10.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is vi­olently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

Imagine you are having terrible nightmare. It's terrible, but it's terrible only to you and no other. It's a horror custom made for you by your own mind. The content is not important, but the fear is. When you wake, you wake in a room on a bed. It is your bed, but it is not your bed. It is your room, but it is not your room. With effort, you realize you have not awoken at all, but are still asleep and have dreamed of an awakening. The question remains if you are to wake and be greeted with reality, should you get out of bed or go back to sleep. You decide to do both, and you fall backward through the bed as the sheets envelop your body. It's dark, but it's not dark. You're awake, but you're not awake. You are dead and being cremated. As flames disintegrate your flesh, a scream echos through your mind but not does not escape your lips which, even if you could speak, have been glued shut. You black out once more, and awaken at dawn. As the mingled ashes of bone and oak are scattered on a beach by the one you've left behind, you finally understand:

You are not the ashes of the man, you are the ashes of coffin. You were not a man dreaming of life, but a tree dreaming you were a man.

This awakening, this epiphany... this is tanasinn.

[Anonymous No.]

Everyday I look at /fit/ and laugh. They are so pathetic, wasting there time in a hot stinky gym lifting weights.

I just do Aikido and I look twice as aesthetic as the best looking /fit/ poster. I'm probably twice as strong too, strong enough to compete competitively as a strongman or Olympic lifter.

But I can actually use my strength to defend myself, I can probably take on four Brock Lesnars.

At once.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946822
>steal a reply from another poster
Hey dipshit, if you didn't get dubs, I'd sue you

[Anonymous No.]

These people spamming don't think they are better than shit like the OP, do they?

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i ­pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

Hey, listen to me for a moment, a'ight? I don't care if it's not related to this thread. Just listen!
Yesterday, I went over to Yoshinoya for a simple meal. Yes, THAT beef bowl house, Yoshinoya.
But the whole restaurant was so crowded, I couldn't even find a seat for hours!
Then I saw a poster that said "Special offer! 150 yen discount".
I thought to myself... geez, that's so fucking amazing. You guys don't even normally visit Yoshinoya.
All you bastards came here just for that stupid-assed 150 yen discount.
Just for that 150 yen. ONE FREAKIN' FIFTY YEN!!
Then I saw some parents & children. A family of four eating out at Yoshinoya. Damn, so much for that bitch's home-cooked family feast.
Then one of the little brats said "Daddy's gonna order a large beef bowl".
I couldn't believe it! Uuuuuggh, are you out of your fucking mind!?
Shiiit, i'll pay you 150 yen just to move your stanky fat-ass out of a seat.
Dude, you just don't go to Yoshinoya for that lala-oh-i'm-so-happy dinner bullshit.
It's where you pick a fist-fight with the fucking guy sitting across 'yah in that U-shaped table.
Kill or be killed. Heh... now that's the kinda shit I like.
Ladies, kids, stand back... 'cuz everything's gonna get FUCKED UP NOW.
After waiting for ages, I finally found an empty seat. But then, the guy next to me ordered by saying "A large beef bowl with a LOTTA' gravy".
Dude, that just pissed me off even more. Shit, you just don't say "lotta' gravy" nowadays, ya' freaking bastard.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946853
They are better. Let them spam.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a you­ng girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

How the fuck can you say "lotta' gravy" with that "oh, i'm so fucking cool, hur-hur-hur..." look!?!?
Damn, I was THIS CLOSE to standing in front of his face and yelling "DO YOU EVEN LIKE EATING THAT MUCH FUCKIN' GRAVY!?"
For a freaking hour, I was THIS CLOSE to doing that.
Shit, I bet you just wanted to use the words "lotta' gravy" out loud. Wow, you're so clever.
Dude, you gotta be like ME. See, now I know what's "all that" in Yoshinoya.
What's cool right now to say is "Negi-daku". That's it!
You see now, a large beef bowl with a lotta onions & an egg is what the hardcore Yoshinoya freaks eat. Like ME.
Saying "Negi-daku" means that you get less meat, but they put a WHOLE MESS of onions.
Mmmmm... a large beef bowl with onions & an egg, now THAT'S what I call a meal.
But anywhoo... ordering that is kinda' like a double-edged sword. Cuz' then the waiters might notice you the next time you come by.
So yeah, I can't reccomend this to noobs.
For you, just go order a beef and salmon combo. That's as far as you can go, you know what i'm sayin'?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946839
>>6946837
I like tanasinn.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946821
why don't you have a gf /jp/?
101 posts and 18 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space tow­ard a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

Nineteen-seventy-one was the Year of Spaghetti.

In 1971, I cooked spaghetti to live, and lived to cook spaghetti. Steam rising from the pot was my pride and joy, tomato sauce bubbling up in the saucepan my one great hope in life.

I went to a cooking specialty store and bought a kitchen timer and a huge aluminum pot, big enough to bathe a German shepherd in, then went around to all the supermarkets that catered to foreigners, gathering an assortment of odd-sounding spices. I picked up a pasta cookbook at the bookstore, and bought tomatoes by the dozen. I purchased every brand of spaghetti I could lay my hands on, simmered every sauce known to man. Fine particles of garlic, onion, and olive oil swirled in the air, forming a harmonious cloud that penetrated every corner of my tiny apartment, permeating the floor and the ceiling and the walls, my clothes, my books, my records, my tennis racquet, my bundles of old letters. It was a fragrance one might have smelled on ancient Roman aqueducts.

This is a story from the Year of Spaghetti, 1971 A.D.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly lar­ger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

But i do...
Just cause you dont believe in her doesnt meen she desnt exist in my heart

[Anonymous No.]

You ask for a hamburger. All the molecules in the universe have shifted one inch to the left. The hamburger asks for you. Somehow you have appeared in soviet Russia. You start awake sweating in your own bed. I give you a hamburger. Shrieking, you stagger into the road in a daze. You ask for a hamburger. The ambulance does not arrive in time. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger. As you take a bite you notice ants all over your skin. You ask for a hamburger. The children cry over their father's dead body. You ask for a hamburger. You are blind, but you can feel the worms writhing in your stomach. I am your father. I give you a hamburger. You giggle as I stumble. I ask for a hamburger, you give me a hamburger. You awake with a start in your own bed.

I give you a hamburger. The wizened meat explodes to dust and you realise eons have passed and you are alone in a desolate waste. You awake screaming.

I give you a hamburger.

You take the hamburger with trembling hands. Your eye twitches involuntarily. As you take a bite the ants crawl into your mouth. You look at me desperately. I give you a hamburger. You awake in the corner of your wardrobe in tears. I give you a hamburger. You notice the semitrailer bearing down on you. You try to take a bite but your jaws refuse to open. I give you a hamburger. Your children stop giggling as they hear the sickening crack of your skull meeting the pavement. I give you a hamburger. Collapsing, you vomit uncontrollably. You take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily.

I give you a hamburger.

I give you a hamburger.

[Anonymous No.]

As a rule, I cooked spaghetti, and ate it, by myself. I was convinced that spaghetti was a dish best enjoyed alone. I can't really explain why I felt that way, but there it is.

I always drank tea with my spaghetti and ate a simple lettuce-and-cucumber salad. Id make sure I had plenty of both. I laid everything out neatly on the table and enjoyed a leisurely meal, glancing at the paper as I ate. From Sunday to Saturday, one Spaghetti Day followed another. And each new Sunday started a brand-new Spaghetti Week.

Every time I sat down to a plate of spaghetti (especially on a rainy afternoon) I had the distinct feeling that somebody was about to knock on my door. The person who I imagined was about to visit me was different each time. Sometimes it was a stranger, sometimes someone I knew. Once, it was a girl with slim legs whom I'd dated in high school, and once it was myself, from a few years back, come to pay a visit. Another time, it was William Holden, with Jennifer Jones on his arm.

William Holden?

Not one of these people, however, actually ventured into my apartment. They hovered just outside the door, without knocking, like fragments of memory, and then slipped away.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimle­ssly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only children’s laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger.

[Anonymous No.]

Spring, summer, and fall, I cooked and cooked, as if cooking spaghetti were an act of revenge. Like a lonely, jilted girl throwing old love letters into the fireplace, I tossed one handful of spaghetti after another into the pot.

I'd gather up the trampled-down shadows of time, knead them into the shape of a German shepherd, toss them into the roiling water, and sprinkle them with salt. Then I'd hover over the pot, oversized chopsticks in hand, until the timer dinged its plaintive note.

Spaghetti strands are a crafty bunch, and I couldn't let them out of my sight. If I were to turn my back, they might well slip over the edge of the pot and vanish into the night. The night lay in silent ambush, hoping to waylay the prodigal strands.

Spaghetti alla parmigiana

Spaghetti alla napoletana

Spaghetti al cartoccio

Spaghetti aglio e olio

Spaghetti alla carbonara

Spaghetti della pina

And then there was the pitiful, nameless leftover spaghetti carelessly tossed into the fridge.

Born in heat, the strands of spaghetti washed down the river of 1971 and vanished.

I mourn them all -- all the spaghetti of the year 1971.

[Anonymous No.]

op here, i posted this 1 hr ago
i came back see this-->
first page, top of board. 110 post ommited
oh /jp/ u earned my sympathy

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bit­ch in porn, i c­um so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

what does having a girlfriend have to do with /jp/?
threads like these are annoying.
fucking normalfags and their superficial standards of judgment.

[Anonymous No.]

When the phone rang at 3:20 p.m. I was sprawled out on the tatami, staring at the ceiling. A pool of winter sunlight had formed in the place where I lay. Like a dead fly I lay there, vacant, in a December spotlight.

At first, I didn't recognize the sound as the phone ringing. It was more like an unfamiliar memory that had hesitantly slipped in between the layers of air. Finally, though, it began to take shape, and, in the end, a ringing phone was unmistakably what it was. It was one hundred per cent a phone ring in one-hundred-per-cent real air. Still sprawled out, I reached over and picked up the receiver.

On the other end was a girl, a girl so indistinct that, by four-thirty, she might very well have disappeared altogether. She was the ex-girlfriend of a friend of mine. Something had brought them together, this guy and this indistinct girl, and something had led them to break up. I had, I admit, reluctantly played a role in getting them together in the first place.

Sorry to bother you, she said, but do you know where he is now?

I looked at the phone, running my eyes along the length of the cord. The cord was, sure enough, attached to the phone. I managed a vague reply. There was something ominous in the girls voice, and whatever trouble was brewing I knew that I didn't want to get involved.

Nobody will tell me where he is, she said in a chilly tone. Everybody's pretending they don't know. But there's something important I have to tell him, so please tell me where he is. I promise I won't drag you into this. Where is he?

I honestly don't know, I told her. I haven't seen him in a long time. My voice didn't sound like my own. I was telling the truth about not having seen him for a long time, but not about the other part (I did know his address and phone number). Whenever I tell a lie, something weird happens to my voice.

No comment from her.

[Anonymous No.]

th­anks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of b­eautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hu­­ndred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, sp­irit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

The phone was like a pillar of ice.

Then all the objects around me turned into pillars of ice, as if I were in a J. G. Ballard science-fiction story.

I really don't know, I repeated. He went away a long time ago, without saying a word.

The girl laughed. Give me a break. He's not that clever. We're talking about a guy who has to make a lot of noise no matter what he does.

She was right. The guy really was a bit of a dim bulb.

But I wasn't about to tell her where he was. Do that, and next I'd have him on the phone, giving me an earful. I was through with getting caught up in other peoples messes. I'd already dug a hole in the back yard and buried everything that needed to be buried in it. Nobody could ever dig it up again.

I'm sorry, I said.

You don't like me, do you? she said suddenly.

I had no idea what to say. I didn't particularly dislike her. I had no real impression of her at all. It's hard to have a bad impression of somebody you have no impression of.

I'm sorry, I said again. But I'm cooking spaghetti right now.

I'm sorry?

I said I'm cooking spaghetti, I lied. I had no idea why I said that. But the lie had already become a part of me -- so much so that, at that moment at least, it didn't feel like a lie at all.

I went ahead and filled an imaginary pot with imaginary water, lit an imaginary stove with an imaginary match.

So? she asked.

I sprinkled imaginary salt into the boiling water, gently lowered a handful of imaginary spaghetti into the imaginary pot, set the imaginary kitchen timer for eight minutes.

So I can't talk. The spaghetti will be ruined.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946875

Carbonara-

E una Coca Cola

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical t­urds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimle­ssly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

She didn't say anything.

I'm really sorry, but cooking spaghetti is a delicate operation.

The girl was silent. The phone in my hand began to freeze again.

So could you call me back? I added hurriedly.

Because youre in the middle of making spaghetti? she asked.

Yeah.

Are you making it for someone, or are you going to eat alone?

I'll eat it by myself, I said.

She held her breath for a long time, then slowly breathed out. Theres no way you could know this, but I'm really in trouble. I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry I can't help you, I said.

There's some money involved, too.

I see.

He owes me money, she said. I lent him some money. I shouldn't have, but I had to.

I was quiet for a minute, my thoughts drifting toward spaghetti. Im sorry, I said. But I've got the spaghetti going, so . . .

She gave a listless laugh. Goodbye, she said. Say hi to your spaghetti for me. I hope it turns out O.K.

Bye, I said.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flacc­id cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the maj­esty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

When I hung up the phone, the circle of light on the floor had shifted an inch or two. I lay down again in that pool of light and resumed staring at the ceiling.

Thinking about spaghetti that boils eternally but is never done is a sad, sad thing.

Now I regret, a little, that I didn't tell the girl anything. Perhaps I should have. I mean, her ex-boyfriend wasn't much to start with -- an empty shell of a guy with artistic pretensions, a great talker whom nobody trusted. She sounded as if she really were strapped for money, and, no matter what the situation, you've got to pay back what you borrow.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the girl -- the thought usually pops into my mind when I'm facing a steaming-hot plate of spaghetti. After she hung up the phone, did she disappear forever, sucked into the 4:30 p.m. shadows? Was I partly to blame?

I want you to understand my position, though. At the time, I didn't want to get involved with anyone. That's why I kept on cooking spaghetti, all by myself. In that huge pot, big enough to hold a German shepherd.

Durum semolina, golden wheat wafting in Italian fields.

Can you imagine how astonished the Italians would be if they knew that what they were exporting in 1971 was really *loneliness*?

[Anonymous No.]

thanks o­p, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head be­fore the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lu­ngs are permeated com­pletely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bi­tch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultim­ate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946893
Beautiful. I'm glad to have added that amazing story to my repertoire.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the traj­ectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang l­ax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i ex­tend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twe­nty four Space Turds; my lungs a­re permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cock­less arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inh­ale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elys­ium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale t­hree hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, sym­metrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's do­cking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hu­ndred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned spa­ce station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Sp­ace Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6946893
Wonderful!

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gen­tly into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my e­yes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gen­tly into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my e­yes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.