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/jp/ - Otaku Culture

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6898951 No.6898951 [Reply] [Original]

what the fuck are these things
why do they exist
apparently they are related to monkeys
but when was the last time you saw a monkey
with a concave skull
such that it could hold water in the top
and not just any water mind you
MAGICAL water
that must NEVER BE SPILLED

>> No.6898956
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6898956

oh yeah also they are yellowish green
have scales
live in the swamp
AND DRINK BLOOD
pretty straightforward, right?
WRONG
because guess how they drink blood guys

>> No.6898960
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6898960

THEY DRINK IT OUT YOUR ASS
YESSIR
These are creatures
that subsist
ON ASSBLOOD
in fact according to tradition
whenever the japanese found some dude in the swamp
drowned to death with a distended rectum
they'd just be like welp i guess a kappa did that

>> No.6898966
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6898966

GUYS
I DON'T SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN SWAMPS
BUT WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW A GUY
WHO HAD DROWNED TO DEATH WITH A DISTENDED RECTUM
WHY WAS THIS SUCH A COMMON OCCURRENCE IN JAPAN
THAT THEY NEEDED TO MAKE UP A REASON FOR IT?

>> No.6898971

I'm sure most of /jp/ knows this already.

>> No.6898973
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6898973

anyway so one time
this kappa is skulking about
looking for some tasty assblood to guzzle
when he sees a cow
and he is like awesome
I'll FIST IT

>> No.6898975

Kappa will fuck you up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6UyRTCaAAY

>> No.6898980
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6898980

so he starts fisting this cow, right
presumably in preparation for assvampirism
but the cow freaks out
like you do when someone shoves their fist up your ass
and breaks off the kappa's arm at the shoulder
at which point i guess he decides to cut his losses
and just get the fuck out of there

>> No.6898989
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6898989

but he's not about to just leave his arm in some cow's ass
so the next day
he goes and hits up the farmer who owns the cow
like hey
HEY
gimme back my arm
and the farmer is like make me

>> No.6899007
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6899007

and the kappa is like I would but i seem to be missing my murdering arm
and the farmer is like well guess you're shit out of luck
unless you promise to stop fisting everyone's cows all the time
also children maybe
and the kappa is like fuck fine
and leaves everyone alone forever
in fact he actually PROTECTS everyone from the other less civilized kappas

>> No.6899012 [SPOILER] 
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6899012

so the moral of the story is
stay the fuck out of japan
unless you want to die of a combination of drowning
and anal blood loss

the end.

Also, Nitori thread

>> No.6899030

>to die of a combination of drowning
>and anal blood loss

I think I just found my ideal way to get into Gensokyo. Too bad I won't have balls to do that, it would be hilarious watching news about it.

>> No.6899031

wat

>> No.6899046
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6899046

>anal blood loss
Yeah... I don't believe that

>> No.6899049

Fucking kappa, man.You gotta watch out for that shit.

>> No.6899082
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6899082

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJ5cNqXgKUo

>> No.6899095
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6899095

Damn kappa.

>> No.6899113
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6899113

>>6899030
you don't need balls
all you need is an anus
and a cute kappa loli that wants to give you a rimjob
how many times have you refused a rimjob from anyone
let alone a very eager little girl
think about it

probably none because it's a very specific situation
but that's not the point
the point is that it's not likely to come up very much
can you really say no to this face

>> No.6900052
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6900052

what the fuck guys
do you not like folklore
is there something wrong with cucumbers
THIS THREAD NEEDS SOME MORE NITORI

look
i don't even care how
just make it happen
thanks

>> No.6900073

Contributing, cause you posted the best Nitori pic I've ever seen.

>> No.6900082
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6900082

>>6900073
Silly me, I've forgotten my pic.

>> No.6900085
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>> No.6900096
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>> No.6900107
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>> No.6900121
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>> No.6900158
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>> No.6900181
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>> No.6900183
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>> No.6900188 [SPOILER] 
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>> No.6900194
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>> No.6900205
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>> No.6900214
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>> No.6900216
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6900216

So.. Nitori thread?

>> No.6900218
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6900218

>>6899030
You will not go to Gensokyo.
When you die you become a corpse.

>> No.6900225
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6900225

HEY, OP!
Nitori is my candid waifu. so don't you dare bad-mouthing her or I'll slap your shit so hard you'll crack open another rectum for kappas to eat from.
jerk

>> No.6900235
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6900235

Oh hey, Myths Retold. Never would have expected to see that here.

>> No.6900422 [SPOILER] 
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6900422

>>6900218
Hey man, no reason to crush his dreams. Maybe in his last moments he can at least dream ;_;

>>6900235
I was pretty excited for an excuse to make a Nitori thread, the writing has this finesse that is priceless.

>>
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