/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

You are a proud wanker in East Coast America, surfing a most fantastic and populous image board by the name of Anonymous. In night-shift /jp/’s glorious period of PROMOTIONS, you jerk off with the might and energy of a hundred ronery men. After the most punitive of hand-induced orgasms, you see a strange distortion of space, where two oddly clothed women, one who somehow appears to be Ran and another Yukari, are stealing pirated hentai games. You, knowing no shame, charge towards the women while full of cum. However you misjudge the distortion, falling through time and space.

When you finally gather your wits, you find yourself in a strange world, one you gather must be tales of the land far to the reaches beyond the 3-D world. You find you have landed in a place called “Forest of Magic”, and that the lady in front is a witch by the name of Marisa. She’s rather annoyed by your more than unpleasant smell and tendency to grab your penis under any minute. Worse yet, you don’t have any of this “precious thing” stuff she keeps going on about. She mutters under her breath how you must be another “lonely man”.

Upon those words, a young girl with a grimoire surrounded by animated dolls leaps at you and pins you to the ground. “Another loner!” she *squeeze*s with delight. The two of you seem sure to get along well together

[Anonymous No.]

As time passes, you enjoy the company of this young girl by the name of Alice. Even your remarkable loneliness is easily matched by this girl, and her intolerance for faggotry outdoes even your own. She loves companionship, and you find yourself exhausted, bruised, with many hangovers, and with a very sore pelvis (Although you agree that you'll last longer next time.), and you couldn't imagine a greater reward for a pervert who must have been killed in your own filth and granted the delights of the heavens.

[Anonymous No.]

One hot summer's day, you mention to Alice that happiness is a terrible thing, far too enjoyable and far too irritating. She agrees, and insists you two mutilate dolls in order to cool down. Her answer for everything, and not a bad one at that. After what seems to be an endless amounts of mutilating this doll she calls "Marisa", you get a brilliant idea. "I should destroy the concept of happiness!" you exclaim. Alice agrees emphatically. However, you sadly remember that you aren't Shiki, and you just can't pull off your glasses to see it's concept, even though you try for a full hour. Alice then has a brilliant idea of her own. She will use her awesome magic to allow you to see the concept of happiness, so you can kill it.
You pull off your glasses so fast, you are shocked to find that seeing those lines really does hurt, everything is black with a bunch of tiny spots of red. It doesn't seem like you can feel air anymore... However, the woman you saw on that fateful day peeks her head at you, somehow traveling at the same speed you are, and explains briefly "Anonymous is like Batman. Everyone who loved him is dead." What this means, you never manage to find out. As you see happiness, you stab it with all your might. Or rather, you fly into it with your knife stretched out. Even the mighty Anonymous cannot quite make it, and fries his brain before completing his task.
Alice has realized this, far too late. She's sad that her new friend is gone. However, the freak occurrence of a seven day downpour shortly after warms her heart. You kind of did make everyone miserable afterall.

[Anonymous No.]

Not very good, but considering the source material...You get an A for effort.

[Anonymous No.]

>>665831
Is this a good end?

[Anonymous No.]

Fuck bad ends.

[Anonymous No.]

>>665837
agreeed, A for effort, but the mongol was sorta higher quality.

[Anonymous No.]

Not a whole lot of pasta can lay claim to having been written by two people.

[Anonymous No.]

>>665847
The original is always better than the parody.

[Anonymous No.]

>>665837
>>665847
English is not my first language, and yeah I admit I suck at this.

[Anonymous No.]

I liked it; but what the hell is a wanker?

[Anonymous No.]

>>665875

DURR HURR
I MAED THIS

http://archive.doesntexist.org/jp/cgi-board.pl/thread/570387

[Anonymous No.]

>>665876
Masturbator, duh.

[Anonymous No.]

Needs a wee bit more tweaking.