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/jp/ - Otaku Culture

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6505281 No.6505281 [Reply] [Original]

If Lady Yukari was real how would you approach her?

>> No.6505292

The same way I do with all women. With my penis.

>> No.6505289

In a gentlemanly fashion, of course.

>> No.6505303

She wouldn't let you approach her unless you have a bag over your head.

>> No.6505314
File: 172 KB, 512x512, 1289385843655.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I would ask what a 17 year old young girl is doing here.

Instant gratification.

>> No.6505318

Jokes aside.

Yukari does look like she's in her early 20's

>> No.6505323

Take her ballroom dancing.

>> No.6505325

With my hat and frilly dress.

>> No.6505331

you mean early 30's, she acts like a old hag and her body is way too developed for a 20y old, early bloomer exceptions not withstanding.

>> No.6505333

Ask her 'do you need help to cross the street, granny?'

>> No.6505345
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>> No.6505344


Way too developed for a 20 year old? What?

>> No.6505342

Old hags aren't don't show fake impulsiveness or do they troll people for no apparent reason, neither are they puppet masters.

So, no, she acts more like a villain than anything.

>> No.6505351

He's saying that her body is more like that of a mature woman than a young adult.

>> No.6505352
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“Why you…” the blonde lady snarls while slowly standing up. All manner of elegance and grace gone from her figure, only to be replaced by a deadly aura.
However, you completely remove that deadly aura with another surprise attack! Once again, quick as a flash, you move into that deadly aura grab the back of her head with one hand, and force your lips to hers as your tongue begins dancing inside her mouth. Your other hand, of course, reaches around and cops a major feel on her shapely arse.

“Mmmmph…?!” Your victim can only moan as she is completely and absolutely surprised by this sudden violation of personal space and is unable to fight back. Her deadly aura quickly dissolves into shock and horror. The onlookers at the bar only stare at how ballsy you are and continue watching with interest, hoping something more would happen.


>> No.6505359

Enjoy your eternal dick train gap rape

>> No.6505365

This thread is boring. Have some pasta:

I got dominated by Yukari in my Touhou dream...

For some reason she was sitting in my room next to me, eating a popsicle. Out of nowhere she jabbed me in the shoulder gently and said "Hey, turn on the a/c. It's too hot in here." I didn't feel like it, so I protested. I turned around to face her- and saying nothing, she started sucking on her popsicle in an extremely suggestive manner, staring at me unflinchingly. I immediately became aroused and, foolishly, let my raging hard on get the best of me. I said something to her along the lines of how the a/c would get turned on a lot faster if she'd suck on something other than her popsicle.

She slapped me. Hard. It stung like mad, and tears welled up in my eyes. All of a sudden I just felt so violated, so dirty. "Don't talk to a lady like that." she said gruffly, and shoved the popsicle that was slick with her spit into my mouth. Suddenly instead of humiliation, all I felt was an overwhelming sense of desperation for her approval. I guess she was toying with borders somehow to do this. She got up and opened a gap and told me she would leave me for good. Teary eyed, I blubbered that I would turn the a/c on for her. She turned around and grinned at me smugly.

"There's my boy." she said warmly, and I obediently set the thermostat lower. She brushed her hair aside and approached me, embracing me. "See," she whispered in my ear, "It's so much nicer when you listen to me." She pulled back and looked deep into my eyes with a mischievous grin.

I woke up cumming in my bed. I've been made into her bitch. ;_;

>> No.6505372
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Now, you love copping a feel and everything, but the main goal of your other hand was to reach into her back pocket and fish for a quarter. Of course, due to the laws of awesome, you manage to find one (and you couldn’t resist copping one more feel) and after untangling your tongue from the shocked blonde lady‘s, you slowly turn towards the side of the room with a jukebox about a good 45 feet away. Every eye in the bar is locked on you (including the lady you just violated) as they eagerly anticipate what you’ll do next. You place the quarter in between your thumb and index finger and, in one quick, fluent motion, you flick the quarter towards the jukebox. All the eyes in the bar are now on the quarter as it slowly soars across the bar towards its destination. What normally takes about a second to happen, elongates to 10 seconds, as if time itself stopped to watch what will happen. The silence of the bar is broken by the small *chink* of the quarter sliding into the slot perfectly.

The record inside the jukebox lifts and is slowly replaced by a much more recognizable song. The needle on the track begins to lower and there is nary a sound as the needle is placed upon the record.

>> No.6505375
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“OW!” screams the jukebox as the entire bar erupts in movement. Smooth Criminal begins playing and everyone begins to dance and move in an entirely choreographed way. Of course, you play the role as the King of Pop so you tilt the frilly hat on your head and proceed to dance the FUCK out of this bar, broken hips be damned. You and the entire bar (except for the blonde lady of course) reenact the ENTIRE scene from moonwalker perfectly, almost as if all the patrons were waiting for someone to come along and initiate the whole thing. Near the end, the police bust on in and try to apprehend you. Yeah, turns out that somebody saw you trying to toss something off the roof of your apartment and drive off in a very reckless manner with a child in tow that you were previously unaffiliated with and then somehow manage to connect the exploding car in the middle of the highway with your car. How very inconvenient. Luckily, the patrons of the bar manage to smuggle you out the back (because damn it wouldn’t you save someone who can dance like Michael from Moonwalker?) and now you’re back on the streets again, but this time the sidewalks and streets are populated by many people.

>> No.6505381


This is the stupidest copypasta ever, it's trying too hard to be "awsum"

>> No.6505386
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>> No.6505390

I'd turn 360 degrees and walk away

1) she's a complete and utter bitch
2) she's both malevolent and menacing for no apparent reason
3) she's fucking ugly because her tits are fucking too large

>> No.6505402

You slowly pull Yukari towards you until her face is level with yours. With a tenderness completely alien to this situation you wrap your left arm around her head, and grip her chin with your fingers, then you swiftly release your grip of her throat and slide your right hand down to hold her shoulder and pull her tightly to you. For a fleeting moment your eyes meet and you feel the sensation of her bare skin pressed against yours. For a fleeting moment you embrace her like a lover, then you strain your muscles and with a savage tug pull her head around. There is a sickening crack as her neck breaks, then her body goes limp in your arms.

A strange sense of serenity embraces you as you watch the broken thing you're holding. No longer a being of power, no longer an object for your vengeance. Like a hollow shell of her former self, yet somehow she is still majestic even in death.

>> No.6505407

I wouldn't.

>> No.6505411

If youkai were boogers, I wouldn't pick you at all, because you are far from the top of my list of awesome youkai.

>> No.6505482

>hey, hey old lady?
>Do you need help carrying that parasol?

>> No.6505509

Are you fucking kidding? I'd avoid here whenever possible.

>> No.6505527

I wouldn't because youkai smell bad and lie to policeman.

>> No.6505945

1. she is real.
2. when you will be in gensokyo you will meet her a lot if you will be at least 1 level boss..
3. Yukari.

>> No.6505954

Terrible pick up line. Something like.

Girl are your parent retarded? Cause you're special.

>> No.6505963

Yukari is so classy. I'd try to get along with her as best as I could, but it would be intimidating.

>> No.6505967

I'd enter her gap.
If you know what I mean.

>> No.6505989

I would ask if I can be her servant.
I'd help and serve her each day. Make her some tea, listen to her stories and make sure she would be relaxed at all times.

>> No.6505990

It would be a rainy afternoon. I'd pull up in my Jaguar, step out of the car, looking sleek in my Armani suit. Then I would walk towards her, not breaking my gaze for a moment. I would stop and give her a bit of a smile to give her a chance to appreciate the expensive cologne that I have on and say "That's a nice looking silly hat, but I think it would look better on my floor."

>> No.6506025
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I'd hide behind some bushes and run away as soon as I think she's not looking.

>> No.6506041

I'd ask her if she could introduce me to Alice

>> No.6506042

If you run away she'll smell your fear and come after you. You be better off climb a tree, Yukari can't climb trees without getting her frills dirty.

>> No.6506045
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There are Quite a lot of CYOA's on THP which depict what happens when someone meets or is sent into gensokyo by Yukari.

50% chance of it being bad for the person involved
45% chance of it being Extremely bad for Yukari.

Just look at Gensokyoland.

Bitch got Choked

>> No.6506086

I would jump out of the bushes with my fuzzy housepants partially removed while yelling "GOBBADEEGOO!" If I surprised her, its rape, if not, I'm dead.

>> No.6506684