/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

/jp/, please help me, you are the only ones who can save me now.

So today I woke up earlier to read a bit more of Sumaga before going to work, when at the same time of usual, my mother and brother wake up and go to work/school. All fine and dandy. Shitman dies again, I get a bit tired and decide to go up for breakfast.
That's when I notice that the lights on my bro's room are all off, and there's some strange aura coming from there. Without suspecting anything, I open up the door, only to find some weird things sticking out from the bed. I enter the room and look closer, only to find out that those things were actually the bare legs of some girl I had no idea was here.
I have to bust out for work in exactly one hour, and that bitch isn't showing any signals of waking up, and I can't fucking leave her alone inside my house. Please /jp/, you guys are my only friends and I don't have a clue on what to do.

Picture related for it was my exact face when realizing what was lying there.

[Anonymous No.]

did you actually try waking her up

[Anonymous No.]

Notify the authorities?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498604
Are you fucking insane? Do you think I have the balls?

[Anonymous No.]

Call your brother.

Or just leave her in the house.

[Anonymous No.]

Your little brother found Gensokyo and became the little girl before you, you should be ashamed.

[Anonymous No.]

did you try cleansing his room of the warp-beast with fire?
if impractical just make loud whooping noises and wave your arms, that should spook em out

[ロリあき No.]

so your brother left his one-night-stand in bed?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498622
That's probably it.

Wait, do you mean the legs are sticking out from under the covers, or under the bed? Because under the bed would be really weird.

[Anonymous No.]

Call your bother and ask him what the fuck is happening and to come back to the house now, also try to wake up the girl but not before arming yourself with a weapon

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498625
ITS A DEAD HOOKER!
take that shit to the dumpster now

[Anonymous No.]

Call the police.

Or call your brother and tell him if he doesn't take care of his shit you'll ask the police to take care of it. I assume he wouldn't want to sour his relationship with that object of 3D lust.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498617
I can't call my bro because his phone is off, and I can't leave her in the house either, she has no keys to get out, which means I'll have to leave my house all open when I leave.

>>6498618
FUCK

>>6498622
Probably.

>>6498625
Sticking from under the covers. I saw a bit of her ass and then made OP's face when I realized.

>>6498629
I don't even have the nerves to wake her up, what of hit her with something.

>>6498634
Dude, no way I can do that either. If I call the police on a chick my bro will never talk to me again, and think I'm even more socially retarded than before.

[Anonymous No.]

Wait for her to wake up then kindly escort her out of the house.

[Anonymous No.]

Set off the smoke detector. Then leave or hide.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498653
That's the current plan, but I have to leave for work in a hour, if she doesn't wakes up until there I'm fucked.

>>6498660
Hahahaha, that would be hilarious but unfortunately I don't have one installed.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498642
OK, then how about calling your mother? Say that there is some nameless slut, probably related to your brother and you aren't sure how to proceed.

[Anonymous No.]

Wake her up and introduce her to Touhou.

[ロリあき No.]

Grind some coffee beans, the noise will wake her

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498642
Do you have a door that can be locked while open, and then closed? If you can, just write a note on a piece of paper telling her to lock the door and put it in a place where she will see it.

[Anonymous No.]

Just fucking enter the say "who the fuck are you ?" she explains the situation, you offer her breakfast and then when you leave take her with you, how fucking hard it can be ?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498668
She can't answer her phone at work either, damnit.

>>6498670
Should I start with IN or PoFV, so we can play together?

>>6498672
Great idea. I think I'll try to get some or make some "normal" noise to wake that bitch up.OH FUCK I THINK SOMETHING JUST MOVED ON HIS ROOM BVEB CHECKNIG

[Anonymous No.]

Walk past your brother's room coughing loudly.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498685
Just pick some normalfag songs and play them loudly or something.

[Anonymous No.]

Bang on the door loudly then hide.

[Anonymous No.]

Blast Mou Ikkai, that never fails

[Anonymous No.]

>She wants to fuck

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498688
Suggestions? I only have weeaboo songs, sorry.

>>6498692
No way I can do that.

>>6498693
If I can come out of this as a "normal person" for the sake of my brother, that'll be better.

[Anonymous No.]

Piece of paper:

Note: Please lock the door and slip the key under the door on the way out

Then tape on a a spare key

The end.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498697
A radio station will do.

http://www.sky.fm/tophits/

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498685
>Should I start with IN or PoFV, so we can play together?

Show her your Touhou plush doll. Girls like dolls, right? So she will find you cute. 100% success!

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498677

Thread should have ended here, what the fuck are you waiting for OP ?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498697
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_iaZSGfQyA
Blast this song!

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498700
Do you really think I would entrust the key of my house to someone I don't even know? Besides, I don't have a spare key.

[ロリあき No.]

>>6498697
this is where the sandpaper touches the scrotum.
Are you gonna man up and appear normal to wake her, or are you going to hide?

[Anonymous No.]

I got it! Turn your house phone volume all the way up. Then call it. She'll wake, leave, and best of all never know it was you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498707
I want a Marisa plush that big.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498677
>>6498711
Dude, I'm just your average skinny quiet /jp/ user. I have no problems with talking with a girl normally, but for all I know she's all naked and shit.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498721

[Anonymous No.]

Find some horror movie scream and loop it very loudly. Also dead hooker.

[Anonymous No.]

Place an alarm clock next to her and rig it to ring in 2 minutes.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498717
>average /jp/ user
>no problems talking with a girl

[Anonymous No.]

You could always call in sick to work and wait for her to wake up.

[Anonymous No.]

FUCK THIS SHIT

I'M GOING TO WAKE THAT BITCH UP RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

URGH URGH

WISH ME THE LUCK /jp/

I'M GOING IN

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498717

And what the fuck would you think she will do when you call for her ? stay naked ? she will cover herself with something,

[ロリあき No.]

>>6498721
Hooo-rah!
That's the ticket.

[Anonymous No.]

AHHHH FUCK IT I CANT DO THISSSSSSS

WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR TURNS OUT HER ASS WAS LIKE STARING ME SAYING "ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH"

DUDE IT WAS ONE HELL OF A HUGE ASS HOLY SHIT

/jp/ I'M NOT MAN ENOUGH FOR THIS SORRY

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498721
Do it, Densha Otoko!

[Anonymous No.]

Shit, now I can hear her alarm clock going off. Bracing for impact.

[Anonymous No.]

Reported for CYOA in disguise.

[ロリあき No.]

>>6498732
Get your candy ass in action, boy!
OR ARE YOU A MAN?

[Anonymous No.]

Take a picture, or we can't help you.

[Anonymous No.]

Don't worry OP, I'm here to help you!
Choose one:

Ignore it, go to work and ask people around your house about it after work.

Ignore it and pretend you didn't see her. It's probably your brother's. Wonder why he is such an alpha male while you aren't.

Wake her up and tell her to get the fuck out of your house.

Assume she is a trespasser. Kill her and dispose of the body through cannibalism.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498750
You have no idea on how tempted to do this I am. However the camera is guess where? My bro's room.

>>6498754
Case a) She gets locked inside, everyone gets pissed with me.
Case b) I wonder that every day.
Case c) I'm trying to muster the courage to do that.
Case d) /r/ing good body dissolvers. And no, I don't have a bathtub.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498750
3D lover spotted!

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498757

CASE C MOTHERFUCKER DO IT FUCKING FAGGOT THERE IS A TIME EVERY FUKING PERSON MUST MAN UP TO DO SOMETHING, NOW IS YOUR TIME

[ロリあき No.]

>>6498754
I can show you how to make a good soup from the bones.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498757
Just play the music loudly and pretend you didn't know she was there.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498757
>everyone gets pissed with me
Because everyone expects you to know about your brother's leftover one night stand?
Just lock that bitch up.

[Anonymous No.]

A hour has passed and OP didnt do shit....

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498760
Haters gonna hate.

[Anonymous No.]

Her alarm is constantly going off, yet she refuses to wake the fuck up, damn. I'm going to dress up for work nicely, put up my best suit and look good so she won't freak out. Then casually ask her what she's going to do as I have to get out.

>>6498764
ARUUUGHHHHHHHHH I WILL DO IT THIS TIMEEE

>>6498765
That would be nice. She has a pretty long hair, can I make anything /jp/ related out of that?

>>6498766
Not even her alarm is enough to wake her up. Goddam that bitch is probably wasted as hell.

>>6498769
Can't man. ;_;

>>6498770
I WILL DO IT NOW, BRB GETTING RADY FOR WORK.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498770
technically it's only been about 45 minutes since the thread was started

but this thread be trolling so who cares

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498775
Ewww...

[Anonymous No.]

Problem solved, but I gotta go to work now. See you guys later.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498801
>he goes to work

[Anonymous No.]

Does ejaculating on a naked girl while she is asleep count as sexual assault?

[Unnamed Anonymous Youkai No.]

>>6498886
No, but holding your finger in her belly button for more than 30 seconds without her consent qualifies as rape.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498891
Looks like I have some navel raping to do.

[IN elite !EienteiYsU No.]

>>6498886
If you do anything to a women (literally anything) you get in trouble if she decides, even after the fact, that you did something bad to her. They will interpret anything a man does as sexual.
To answer your question only it is only hot when it is sibling on sibling, otherwise it is just creepy.

[Anonymous No.]

Alright, OP here. Turns out the story didn't end with a pretty big twist.

You see, the girl wasn't an one night stand at all. When I entered the room, she had turned her face to the door, allowing me to recognize her. Now catch a load of this /jp/. Turns out it was a girl I used to know at high school, not really a friend but we could have a conversation. She's a friend of my bro's girlfriend, and on top of that, she's a fucking LESBIAN. When I realized that, I figured she wouldn't give much of a fuck, since it was me. So it went something like this:

Me: Uhh, Anonymette?
Anonymette: Ugh...oh, Anonymous.
Me: I gotta go to work, what are you going to do?
Anonymette: I'm going to stay and cook dinner for you guys.
>WHAT THE FUCK
Me(poker face to the extreme): Oh, ok.
(now I know this sounds like one hell of a lie, but I swear it was true)
Anonymette: Were you watching me sleep?
>she wants to fuck
Me: Yeah, I've been here for almost 45 minutes already.
(she laughed)
Anonymette: Dumbass.

After that I managed to keep cool, went to work and left her there.

It felt anti-climatic. Thanks for the help, /jp/.

[Anonymous No.]

>>Not a friend but someone you are a acquaintaince with
>>Don't ask her how she got in or why she's in your brother's bed
>>Mad trolling bro
>>Comes home to an empty house

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498945
Can't wait for the "Help /jp/, I've been robbed" thread later.

[ロリあき No.]

>>6498945
Tell us what she's making for dinner hen you get off work

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498900
Of course, there's a small chance that you'll be lucky. Around 1.7%.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498947
>>6498951
Don't think that's likely, I know where she lives and the kind of person she is. Hopefully.

>>6498956
I'm not going home today, probably going to eat something at a nearby cafe. I mean, she's a lesbian AND a fucking vegetarian. Can you imagine what kind of food she'll make?

Also, I forgot to mention, but she also said "Have a nice day at work" when I was leaving. It was the first and probably the last time I'll hear that from a girl. ;_;

[ロリあき No.]

>>6498977
But it's food made by a GIRL.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6498979
Fuck that noise, I'd rather keep 3D not too close.

[ロリあき No.]

>>6498985
But it's food....
I can sit and eat with 3d across the table, can't you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6499004
Won't you lose your appetite?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6499004
I'd rather not.

[ロリあき No.]

>>6499011
Frankly, I don't find 3d disgusting enough to put me off a meal.
Nothing can put me off a meal.
And yet still so thin and svelte...

[Anonymous No.]

>>went to work
>>still posting

[Anonymous No.]

>>6499069
Pfft, I play IN and Recettear here all the time, posting in 4chan is small time. Fuck the police, etc.

[ロリあき No.]

>>6499079
Indeed. I used to post from work when I had a job....
I don't work anymore.