/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

What touhou could you beat in a fist fight?

[Anonymous No.]

cinro

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

Yuugi.

Yes, bring it.

[Necrobrotent No.]

I don't hit women. Strategic takedowns only.

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

Certainly not Keine.

[proREMIRIAt Elite Force Commander !rSDMROXTB. No.]

Unzan

[Anonymous No.]

shanghai

[Anonymous No.]

All of them, no problem.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408354

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>6408354

Have fun in Valhalla.
Tell Quorthon I said hi.

[Anonymous No.]

The three faeries and possibly Akyu.

[Prof. Anonymous !JVVFLaNdrE No.]

I'd Reisen.

After I beat her, we will have consensual sex in the missionary position, with the sole purpose of procreation.

[Anonymous No.]

Meiling's tai-chi is no match for my flailing arm style!

[Anonymous No.]

An anemic Patchouli, I guess. Still, I'm skinny/weak as fuck and even girls where able to beat me up back in High School so I'm not sure.

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6408382

BUT IN TRUTH, you would be hallucinating of having sex with her while dry humping a rock.

[Prof. Anonymous !JVVFLaNdrE No.]

>>6408390
Blindfold. Easy enough.

[Necrobrotent No.]

>>6408374
>thinks you can get into valhalla by fighting women who aren't frost giants.

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6408399

I don't think you'd have a chance of actually putting the blindfold on her, on a fair fight.

We're talking about fighting fair, right? Right?

[Prof. Anonymous !JVVFLaNdrE No.]

>>6408416
Well, yeah. But then again, OP didn't say any rule.
Seems like rape is the only viable option.

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>6408402

You can get in Valhalla by dying in any battle, anywhere.
You can also get into Valhalla dying in single combat.
You can also get into Valhalla just being murdered if you only put up enough of a fight.
You get into Valhalla by default if you're a bard, which by modern standards may mean bad fanfiction gets you into Valhalla.
You can get into Valhalla for being stabbed to death in your home by burglars, if you stab the burglar back.
Apparently suicide attacks earn you a place in Valhalla as well, at least according to the occasional aviator who was but should never have been in the Luftwaffe.

It's easy as hell getting into Valhalla.
That is why there are valkyries to sort out the most dedicated and exceptional warriors to be admitted. And certainly going down fighting a Japanese beer troll is a most exceptional death.

[Necrobrotent No.]

>>6408507
Believe whatever you want but when Hel's gently caressing your disgraced skeleton before she tosses it on the wall I don't wanna hear it.

[Prof. Anonymous !JVVFLaNdrE No.]

>>6408507
>You get into Valhalla by default if you're a bard, which by modern standards may mean bad fanfiction gets you into Valhalla.

Awesome. I'll tell Odin I said hi, Helen.

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6408536

>he's a bard

My respect for you has grown, sir.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408382
Reisen is a trained soldier. She's kick your ass.

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>6408530

I'm a woman. I'm going to Hel anyway.

[Prof. Anonymous !JVVFLaNdrE No.]

>>6408546
I know Reisen trained at the Lunar Defense Corps. but is she ready for my dick?

[Anonymous No.]

None because I don't hit girls. Cute ones at least.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408507
But if you fail to fulfill any oaths, it's still Náströnd with the Nidhoggr gnawy fun time for you.

Speaking of the corpse shores, I want to see an interpretation of Nidhogg as a cute girl who feels bad for the dead, doomed oathbreakers and tries to cheer them up by giving them blowjobs, hence "sucking the corpses of the dead. "

A pure and well-mannered girl who allows herself to be defiled to help the unfortunate is my fetish.

[Necrobrotent No.]

>>6408552
Then you should probably pick up another faith. Asgardian Neopaganism is a total boy's club.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408374
Ohhhhhhh!!! Bathory plays live in valhalla!

[Anonymous No.]

Even if she beats the shit out of my my purpose is complete.
Which is just that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408561
You'd have to beat her first before you can use your dick, anonymous. If you just walked up to her and started unzipping your pants, you'd be on your back before you know it.

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6408608

I don't get the whole purpose fulfilling after being beaten up by your waifu thing.

Even if you're getting satisfaction out of it, it sounds more painful than fulfilling.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408616
What if he taped a sword to his dick?

I bet Lunar Defense Corps didn't train for such an assault. But then it wouldn't exactly be a fistfight.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408561
>>6408546
Are touhou's even trained for landbound Hand to Hand?

I mean I know you can run out of spellcards and stuff but you can still fly which would make for a very different fighting experience.

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>6408569

Casual sometime Inari follower here. Hel is just one of many afterlives I'm going to have to go through.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408627
You're right, they didn't. Because that's an absurd and totally ineffective means of fighting.

[Prof. Anonymous !JVVFLaNdrE No.]

>>6408630
Good point.

Midair dickings, anyone?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408566
>I want to see an interpretation of Nidhogg as a cute girl
Aspect ratio'd, but I couldn't find the actual image thing so I went with a screenshot of the title screen. Too lazy to disable ROext, too.

[Anonymous No.]

Akyu. Definitely Akyu. Unless she decided to spend a reincarnation cycle learning how to kick ass and take names.

Fuck, she probably did, didn't she?

[Necrobrotent No.]

>>6408640
People find it enjoyable when I describe the Asgardian ways to them and thats whats made it a dominant faith in my little belief system, but I went through that whole spiritually discovery thing along time ago and couldn't really decide.

Also the whole everything ends for good thing, has always really appealed to me for some reason.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408652
Thank you. I can fap to this.

>>6408640
The only cool guys in the Eight Million are Ebisu, Sukunabikona and Hitokotonushi. Especially Sukunabikona, he an archetypal "bro" character despite being a tiny moth-deity.

[Anonymous No.]

Rumia.
She can't even see through her own cloud of darkness for fuck sake.

ZUN himself said she's harmless to anyone but a child.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408652
Thank you. I can fap to this.

>>6408640
The only cool guys in the Eight Million are Ebisu, Sukunabikona and Hitokotonushi. Especially Sukunabikona, he was an archetypal "bro" character despite being a tiny moth-deity.

[Necrobrotent No.]

>>6408648
>>6408627
Only in the hands of a novice.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408652
her horns are on batwings and are also drills.

Holy fuck.

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6408681

>pistoldick

Oh my god

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408674
You misinterpreted ZUN. Rumia is harmless, but only because she's so kind she wouldn't hurt a fly intentionally. The only reason children need to fear her is that she doesn't know her own strength as well as she should.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408681
>From Dusk 'till Dawn

This is what High School of the Dead should've been, with zombies instead of vampires.

[Necrobrotent No.]

>>6408689
If you've never seen the movie from Dusk till Dawn I highly recommend it.
http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/4564278/From.Dusk.Till.Dawn[1996]DvDrip[Eng]-AXG

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408652
Actually, fuck that ugly shit. Viva science. Somehow found all the pieces of the image and put it all together, so enjoy your corean Nidhogg-tan, now in non-fat version.

[Anonymous No.]

If it's purely a fistfight, with no magic or familiars involved, then probably Mokou. Since most of her offenses are of magic and fire, and things like food/water/starvation/exercise have no effect on her body, she's as weak as the day she tasted the elixir.
In all truth, she's not the type to learn kung-fu either.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408507
Would you happen to be of Nordic ethnicity?

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6408704

I am downloading, good sir.

For the dickpistol.

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>6408680

Rice is good student food, tofu is cheaper than meat and the foxes are everywhere.

Perhaps less of a follower and more just happening to be in association.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408662
>Also the whole everything ends for good thing, has always really appealed to me for some reason.

Did you miss the tea party aftermath with Baldr?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408713
>things like food/water/starvation/exercise have no effect on her body
What makes you say that?

[Anonymous No.]

There's no way anyone could lose a fistfight to someone wearing strawberry pantsu.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408736
If I recall, CiLR mentions something to that effect.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408737
You know Tokiko's fond of sucker punches, right? Reimu has a bit of experience with her underhanded tactics...

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6408737

Tokiko's pure fanon, right? I don't believe a fistfight is possible with something that DOES NOT EXIST

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>6408731

It does end.
Ragnarök is often translated as "twilight of the gods", but if I don't remember wrong it's closer to "cohesion of the gods" or something to that effect. Basically Ragnarök is the climax of the chain of events the gods set into motion by first creating the world. It's not so much that the world is destroyed, as that the process of the world is completed and wrapped up. There's got to be an end to the story before another can begin.

>>6408716

Straight out of the darkest of Sweden.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408775
Failed your Canon Knowledge check, brah.

[S BENZ No.]

Reimu is a possibility if she adheres to Queensberry Rules

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408782
>darkest of Sweden.
Boden?

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6408796

Oh well. Disregard my post and stupidity then.

[Necrobrotent No.]

>>6408782
>>6408736
there is some new beginning stuff (new world after man and the gods etc) that was basically mythological fanfiction at the time, but no one takes it seriously because the scripture it was found on was alot younger than any of the other beliefs.

[Prof. Anonymous !JVVFLaNdrE No.]

>>6408737
Believe me, she'll lose.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408782
It doesn't end for good though, Baldr somehow patches himself up, two human survive the entire fight by hiding within a tree (and thus having first class seats to pretty much the most spectacular fight ever) and repopulate the world and everyone's generally alright. Except the einherjars, shit still sucks for them even after dying at least twice. Enjoy eating the same boar every single day for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>6408799

Okay, not quite that dark.
Boden is an exception since that's dark enough to have its own event horizon. Never been there, never going there if I can avoid it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408737
You wouldn't lose, but you wouldn't win.
You'd punch her, she'd fall down and start crying and trembling and whatnot, you'd feel guilty/awkward and walk away. Tokiko is to cute to hurt.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408736
>CiaLR:4 It wouldn't have any effect on my body at all, whether I slept until I was completely satisfied, or whether I kept waking up until I finally succumbed to drowsiness.
>impression that no physical activity would change anything

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>6408811
>>6408821

Still preferable to Yomi, I guess. Thunder gods in the genitals for everyone!

[Anonymous No.]

How many /jp/'s do you need to beat eirin?
Your reward: consenual sex with udonge after marriage

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6408850

....twooooo.... and a half?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408850
If it means freeing Reisen from her living hell and gaining her hand in loving marriage...just one.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408850
About 0.01 with Tewi's cooperation. Actually, fuck saving Reisen, I just want Tewi.

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>6408850

Just one.
One unlucky bastard who will spend the rest of his life wondering if she just let him win.

[Anonymous No.]

All of them, because I have the God Hand

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408874
With Reisen as your loving wife, who would care about something trivial like that?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408507
>It's easy as hell getting into Valhalla.
Hah. If you really think so, then you won't have any problem fulfilling this request.
Promise that you will die in a fight. Promise to /jp/, your waifu, the Internet, whatever may be important to you. Promise that you will not die in bed or by suicide. You don't have to promise to die in a great battle, or that you even kill any of your foes before death. Just promise that when you feel your time has come, you won't wait or give up, you'll die fighting.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408861
>freeing Reisen from her living hell
Bullshit!

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>6408886

You can beat Eirin in a fight, but you can't win.

[Prof. Anonymous !JVVFLaNdrE No.]

>>6408536
'you said hi' selffix. I can't seem to put myself together these days.

[Anonymous No.]

I'm pretty sure deep down inside Reisen really likes her job.

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6408906

You are now imagining tsuntsun Reisen.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408900
That means reisen slaps you and goes to heal her master? ;_;

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408906
I'd probably defer to Eirin too. She lived really fucking long without losing her humanity, she's worth the respect. Same with Kaguya, who combines unearthly wisdom with a ditzy, carefree attitude.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408906
Ah, the "they secretly like it" argument used for something other than rape? Nice.

[Anonymous No.]

Why we are having this same thread every week anyways?

It always has the same responses.

[Prof. Anonymous !JVVFLaNdrE No.]

>>6408943
Because we get different outcomes and new questions to be answered?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408943
It's time for you to leave.

[Anonymous No.]

reisen would just leave you for another abusive master

[Manfred !!UiOrmYiMsJQ No.]

I don't think I can fight flying magical beings.

I'll just end up getting raped or bitten.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408991
Mokou isn't abusive anymore.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6409030
Someone bitten by a Satori becomes a Satori.

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6409030

Actually, I believe getting bitten is an inevitable part of rape so both things happen simultaneously.

This does not change anything but I just thought I'd point it out.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6409055
What. I've seen a lot of Touhou rape doujins and very few of them involve biting.

[Manfred !!UiOrmYiMsJQ No.]

>>6409055
Well, I'm okay with that.

Unless it's one of the Scarlets which I would probably be okay with, too.

Yuka or Byakuren I'd prefer.

[Anonymous No.]

All of them.

Come at me bro.

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6409064

They cut off the biting because it's guro.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6408964
Actually no. The questions are always the same with little difference between every week. Well, don't mind me anyways.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6409073
Oh, if you're talking about 3D rape, that's irrelevant and vulgar.

[OSad !YffGWo6BrM No.]

>>6409082

No, I would never-

[Manfred !!UiOrmYiMsJQ No.]

>>6409093
>>6409082
What, you can't like both?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6409104
Only uncultured swine like 3D, rape or otherwise.

[Manfred !!UiOrmYiMsJQ No.]

>>6409120
Well, aren't you 3D?

Do you not like getting raped?