/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

Let's play a game, /jp/.

Yukari has kidnapped you. She makes the following offer to you:

She will gap a Touhou of your choice into the room. If you can 'satisfy' her (as in voluntary satisfaction, orgasm is not enough), she will become your sex slave for life, and you are free to go.

However, if she is unsatisfied, Yukari forces Hourai Elixir down your throat, chians you and you become a free-for-use fuckhole by all of the characters. Including Rinnosuke.

So /jp/, which Touhou do you choose?

EASY MODO: Tenshi
Normal: Stage 1-2 boss
Hard: Stage 3-5 boss/playable character
Lunatic: Stage 6/EX boss.

[Anonymous No.]

You have failed to state the result of declining the offer.

[Anonymous No.]

Are you implying my waifu is easy?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793389
Nothing happens. You are free to go.

[Anonymous No.]

Cirno's theme, of course.

[Anonymous No.]

Feign surprise in front of Kogasa

[Anonymous No.]

I donate for Raymoo

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793383

I'll played having a seizure, while Yukari is still shocked, I'll grab and aimed loaded the most powerful handgun in the world (according to Harry Callahan) and pull the trigger while screaming 'YIPPIE KI YAY!! MOTHERFUCKER!!"

[Anonymous No.]

i mean more 'lol u doing it wrong'

[Anonymous No.]

how many "yukari game" are we going to play on /jp/ ? i'm getting sick of it

[Anonymous No.]

My job is cook. i can do it!

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793434
/k/ fag here, there are far more powerful handguns. Also Yukari can dodge bullets, you're fucked.

Also, the best way to defeat yukari is to show that borders are essentially human defined. For example, where is the border between the sky and the ground? The answer is there is none, it's simply something humans have defined. After all, Earth's atmosphere gradually tapers off, there is no definite border between earth's atmosphere and space(essentially the sky). There simply isn't a border between there being air then no air.

Science: 1
Yukari: 0

[Anonymous No.]

i havent been here in awhile.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793470

>Yuyuko
>Cook

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793539
Hi there, John Ritter.

[Anonymous No.]

2624

[Anonymous No.]

ＤＵＬＣＥ・ＥＴ・ＤＥＣＯＲＵＭ・ＥＳＴ
ＰＲＯ・ＰＡＴＲＩＡ・ＭＲＯＩ

[Anonymous No.]

Kaguya.

Provide her with the ultimate means of satisfaction for a NEET.

Approval and care.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793539
Are you a wizard?

[Anonymous No.]

>chians you and you become a free-for-use fuckhole

Lunatic mode is the only option
Also gb2poolshit

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793434

Shame youkai are immune to normal weapons.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793637
>>5793637
Reisen's gun is a normal weapon.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793669
What gun?

She uses her finger.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793637
No they aren't.

[Anonymous No.]

Bump

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793682
what about nitori's missiles?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793751

Unless this thing shot enchanted silver bullets engraved with holy runes and blessed by pope you will get eaten even by Rumia. Or raped if you are lucky.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793637
Tell that to the poor youkai moon rabbits who were blasted away by 1960 American firepower.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793795

Magical explosives.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793803
And 1945 German firepower

>>5793796
No, but it fires standard .600 NE bullets, which are a nice replacement for faith.
Or there's the faith that says if I shoot at something with it, that something will have its shit fucked up. Youkai or not.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793803

If an "army" of less than two dozens of moon rabbits repelled the invasion US weapons weren't very effective.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793816
She's an engineering nut, she'd probably opt for conventional explosives that explode using SCIENCE!

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793803

No dead rabbits were ever confirmed. And LDC defeated the USA.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793836
Nazis have magical occult powers. How else could they conquer the Jewish sorcerers?

[Anonymous !4changtcqk No.]

Phantasm mode : Alice
Seriously, how can one possible please her?
I'd like to try it but meh...
Guess I'll play normal mode with Wriggle.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793888
cool triples bro

[Anonymous No.]

I'd pick Yukari, just to throw her off. If she asks why I'll say its because I wanted someone young and healthy.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793848
We don't know how the lunar war ended, but the fact that many of them died kind of amperes the whole "youkai are immune to normal weapons" argument. Unless you think NASA had some killer magic spells or something.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793863
Ahem:
Houston: Among the large headlines concerning Apollo this morning there's one asking that you watch for a lovely girl with a big rabbit. An ancient legend says a beautiful Chinese girl called Chang-o has been living there for 4000 years. It seems she was banished to the moon because she stole the pill for immortality from her husband. You might also look for her companion, a large Chinese rabbit, who is easy to spot since he is only standing on his hind feet in the shade of a cinnamon tree. The name of the rabbit is not recorded.

Collins: Okay, we'll keep a close eye for the bunny girl.

MOON CONSPIRACY EXPOSED!

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793539
Yukari's power is conceptional, so no.

[Anonymous No.]

I think they are cute.
Not no this 3DPG bitch, of course.
But clumped eyelashes in anime.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793904
I cannot conceive of how Yukari can create gaps, it should totally require more energy than takes to blow up Jupiter. Also, if Yukari can make an object travel at infinite speed the universe should no longer exist and we should all be dead.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793863
No dead astronauts either. The Challenger doesn't count.
Also, an army of a lot of rabbits versus three or four dudes that, while trained, didn't have direct combat experience in a tactical infantry engagement, in an environment where even a slight suit breach meant explosive decompression had 0 casualties on both sides speaks more about the LDC's uselessness (and possible sex appeal) than the USA's

[Anonymous !4changtcqk No.]

>>5793952
Portals
Don't think about it. Just. Do. It.

[Anonymous No.]

Reported.

[Anonymous No.]

Is it possible for me to get the Hourai Elixir without taking the sex-slave?
Id pick a human from the village offer a share of the immortal juice so we can each live without fear of old age the villager would be "satisfied" and I head back to the human world to await the singularity

What do I win?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794026

So, are you will to live forever as a NEET or lonely girl-who-get-raped-by-horny-half-beast-everyday?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794026
You win: true horror after the only power source in the universe becomes immortals like you.

Also the laws of probability say that you will eventually become a furry if you are truly immortal.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794026

You win eternal freezing pain when the universe enters it's heat death phase one hundred trillion years from now.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794120
It won't be freezing pain, eventually robots will harness the heat your body generates to power themselves, it's likely they will fight over you. Also, if immortality comes with the "regenerate body ability" things won't be pretty come when protonic decay starts occuring.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5793383
>However, if she is unsatisfied, Yukari forces Hourai Elixir down your throat, chains you and you become a free-for-use fuckhole by all of the characters. Including Rinnosuke.
I'm OK with this!

[Anonymous No.]

>Also, if immortality comes with the "regenerate body ability" things won't be pretty come when protonic decay starts occuring.
If it does come with "regenerate body" abilities, you can stave off the heat death of the universe forever by chopping bits of your body off and using them as fuel.

[Anonymous No.]

Immortality brings insanity. No one can live for 1000 years and not get bored of everything and everyone. Never mind 1 million years.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794058
I am not a female, Through NEET life forever would be fantastic

>>5794120
If I am around at the time, Heat death would be impossible due to me existing

>>5794078
I wouldn't mind learning how to create fire after a few thousand years

In fact you need three drinks from the Hourai Elixir to get the regenerate ability, Through how big is a third drink is unsaid. That being sharing with the villager there may not be enough for the regenerate but still enough for the immortal long age which I will use to survive without having to spend money on things like food and can instead spend on things like virtual reality where I won't grow bored.

Again, I win.

[Maple !storyRpJp6 No.]

>Yukari forces Hourai Elixir down your throat, chians you and you become a free-for-use fuckhole by all of the characters.
that's a good definition of heaven.
>Including Rinnosuke.
（゜д゜）

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794189

That's why old vampires sleep for centuries. When they wake up world is completely different.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794189
I would imagine being raped would bring insanity, not immortality.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794232
>If I am around at the time, Heat death would be impossible due to me existing

Heat death merely means that stars cease to exist, and that there is no heat source left in the universe. Without outside heat, there will be no food.

Your body will have no source to create heat from, and you too will join the freezing universe. You'll only be left alive because the hourai elixir will keep your brain functioning despite all the blood in your body being frozen.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794239
>that's a good definition of heaven.
>Implying you'd enjoy the hags
>Implying that they'd want to use you
>Implying that it wouldn't suck
>Implying that Rinnosuke wouldn't be the best part

[Anonymous No.]

I would ask for Nitori, and have a nice conversation about modern technology with her. This would obviously be incredibly satisfying to the girl, due to her obsession with both humans and their gadgets. Yukari's loose wording would be her own downfall.

Sex later, I guess.

[Anonymous No.]

Given R7's "at least 3 new characters per episode" rule, and with two already accounted for, who did you think will be the third in EP 7? Will it be someone already mentioned but not shown (Maria's fathre) or someone completely unknown (a la Erika)?

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794277
Thousand Yen...I gave you a Thousand Yen..didn't I?

[thoughtless celestial !!Mw3JLMISabd No.]

what difficulty is alice, op?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794272
Id imagine NOT DYING includes the need to say fuck you too food.

and magic.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794189

Immortal insanity is such a bullshit conception. Theoretically, Immortality would keep one's mind healthy. All one needs beyond that is engagement.

Take for example, centennials. There's been quite a lot of them in human history. The only ones that are particularly crazy are those suffering from brain degeneration. Those who's minds who have remained healthy usually remain happy right up until the day they die.

A thousand years? Bullshit.
The only thing an immortal would have to worry about is the end of the universe. If it ends by entropy, it'll be painful as fuck for eternity. If it ends by a big crunch, it'll be painful as fuck for eternity. If it ends by matter tearing, it'll be painful as fuck for eternity.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794272
You forget that if Yukari and ALL the touhous exist so does Fujiwara no Mokou, Who lets not skip can create fire from NOTHING and its a learned skill. Hence she can teach it too me and we can make sure that there is heat after the stars go out.

Assuming humanity doesn't ascend into a plane of light first.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794381
Samefag

Could Yukari also just extend the boundaries on how long the universe will survive?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794375
Insanity can be caused by things other than degradation, you know. Thousands upon thousands of years of sadness can't be fixed by even the strongest of brain matter.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794357

Food is what keeps your metabolism going. It doesn't keep you alive.

The hourai elixir obviously doesn't stop pain. Why would it stop the need for food?
Not eating wouldn't kill you, the hourai elixir would simply keep your organs from failing. It'd just hurt.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794375
I also agree that if you are immortal you can keep yourself occupied for atleast a 1000 years of doing crazy ass shit. Now if you'd have to live in by yourself with no other social contact that would probably turn you crazy.

[Anonymous No.]

mokou, she'd probably want me to do something easy like kick kaguya's ass

[Anonymous No.]

Reimu.

I give her the gold ingot I got years back from my crazy grandpa when he said america was going to fall apart and the dollar was going to be destroyed. He turned a large sum of his cash into gold and gave it to his children and grandchildren in his will.

Reimu, being a greedy bitch, will be satisfied by this donation, leaving me with a new sex slave.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794395
Yukari can't even gap to the moon unless under certain circumstances. I doubt her powers work on a galactic scale such as that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794407
It's just pain.

Remember, it's just pain. It won't kill you, it's only pain.

Pain is your minds reaction to things harming your body, and if you know you aren't actually taking harm, you can safely ignore it.

It's just pain.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794420
Genius!

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794420
But, what is the average exchange rate for gold in Gensokyo?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794401

Sure thing, Freud.
Sorry, Sadness doesn't make you nuts.
What, are you going to try telling me "Oh, seeing everyone you know die will make you sad".
Bullshit, that happens to people while they're alive. Do you not buy pets because they'll just die in ten years?

There's three things that have been proven to bring about mental disorders.
Sensory Deprivation, Severe Duress, and Torture.
As long as one keeps themselves engaged, they don't have to deal with the first. Being immortal, they'll never encounter the second.

>>5794435

Now this is where one's mental health would come into question.

[Anonymous No.]

For something actually no topic.

[Anonymous No.]

underaged b&

[Anonymous !4changtcqk No.]

>>5794344
THIS
>>5793891

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794493
>Now this is where one's mental health would come into question.

What, theres something wrong with using willpower to control the bodys reactions?

[Anonymous No.]

nump

[Anonymous No.]

fuck_otaku_coolface.jpg

[Anonymous No.]

I would buy one of Aya's newspaper articles and tell her she is leaps and bounds above the rest of the tengu in terms of journalistic capability and integrity. Then I will proceed to sex her and attempt to satisfy her if the preceding didn't already.

[Anonymous No.]

Thank you, kind isr.

[Anonymous No.]

No that's nto someone from /jp/.
>http://www.youtube.com/user/possessedbyphoenix
Now this i sfrom a /jp/er.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5794375
I think you are forgetting the part where the universe essentially comes back into exist again out of shear probability. This could be very painful as this might involve infinite energies.

Also if one is truly immortal, one might have the ability to regenerate, this means one could convert the mass of dead skin cells or regenerated parts into energy to keep warm or power a computer or whatever.

[Anonymous No.]

A fucking name would ebn ice, /jp/.

[Anonymous No.]

Not really, I was reading the IRC backlog and found his EPIC TROLL.

[Anonymous No.]

>It triggers a script which causes your machine to go to random threads,s trip the text, and repost with another hta. Happened a week ago as well, except instead of plain images, it hijacked legit pictures as a watermark. What's sad is that dumbshtis fall for it ,which is why it's so successful.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5797399

[Anonymous No.]

I'll be the fuckhole. I can take Rinnosuke fine I bet. I bet a Touhou girl dick is bigger than his anyway.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5797399
heh

[Anonymous No.]

I'm starting to love this bot more and more with every new post.
If it wasn't for the fact it amkes itself recognizable by posting a pic every time, I'd say that Alan Turing's dream has finally bceome reality: automatde responses are indiscernible from human ones.

[Anonymous No.]

If only....

[Anonymous No.]

that is a slutty dress, sanae is a slut

[Anonymous No.]

>>5797449
At least she knows this much.

[Anonymous No.]

want some boiled eggs

[Anonymous No.]

hey /jp/ know of anyplace where i can find archived otuhou doujins?
also inb4 secondaryfag

[Anonymous No.]

ayayaya

[Anonymous No.]

you can loko at the code if yuo want. Just asve it as a windows bitmap and extract the strings.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5797487
Cornelia confirmed for secondary.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5797504
Cornelia wants us to look at her code... oh my...

[Anonymous No.]

I don't know, I feel pretty gay just reading that

[Anonymous No.]

>>5797504
Save you? Sure, I don't know what could possibly go wrong.

[Anonymous No.]

What's wrong with her eyes?

[Anonymous No.]

I don't think my waifu would approve of that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5797579
You have a waifu Cornelia? Who is it?

[Anonymous No.]

Thank you! ヾ(＾∇＾)


If it's wrong, then I don't wanna be right. ( ¯3¯)


Ofa ll things on /jp/, THIS is what makes you sad...
┐(´ー` )┌

[Anonymous of Germany !WvzhzxDiIQ No.]

>>5797579

Who's your waifu Koru-chan?

[Anonymous No.]

Lets have an al pacino thread.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5797600
>>5797603
It's Al Pacino, obviously.
>>5797624

[Anonymous No.]

>>5797603
>>5797600

It's obviously Al Pacino.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5797603
>>5797624
There you go.

[Anonymous No.]

>TheH inanai clan used to be a family of priests who were tasked to protect the Keystone, which kept earthquakes under control.

>th eHinanai clan was transferred to heaven as a rewadr for serving Nai-no-Kami when it was still alive.

>However, unlike other celestials, the Hinanais became celestials only by serving Nai-no-Kami; that is, not through training. So they didn't have the erputation expected of celestials, and some even calle dthem "bad" celestials.

>When the Hinanais became celestials, their daughter Chiko Hinanai followed them to be a celesital, even though she was only a mere girl.

>Chiko renamed herself Tenshi when she moved to heaven. She was not satisfied with how she was treated in heaven, and often looked at Gensokyo with jealousy toward the humans and youkai on the surface.

>One day, a sudden urge hit her as she saw surface yuokai using their power to invoke disaster and enjoy the following events.

>"Gee, I'm tired of this boring celestial life! I can invoke a disasetr too!!"

>Then she darted out of her home, with the Swrod of Hisou, a celestial tool, in her hand...
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