/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

Shou. Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder why we were meant to be. Why we were meant to meet each other. Were we destined long ago by the ancient gods of Gensokyo to cross paths? Was it fate that brought me to you? I don't like to believe that. I believe that everyone has a chance to decide their future. We have the will to change it. But... can I truly change something like this? If so... why can't I? Why must I endure the pain? The suffering? The ambient hope that slowly breaks my spirit as if I were a solid, cold stone slowly eroding as time passes. The clock ticks. The days go by. My very being continues to deteriorate before my eyes.

Shou, Shou, I think I love you. Who am I kidding, of course I do! Not a day goes by without me thinking about you. Every single day, I look at you. Into your eyes. And those golden jewels stare back at me. And your smile. The smile that makes me happy that you're happy, but also kills me inside. To see that you don't love me back. That your smile is only a smile. A smile of friendship. And nothing more. Every night, I lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling. Thinking. Will tomorrow be the day you'll love me? It's my nature to get my hopes up. As stubborn as I am, I always seem to convince myself that you'll fall for me one day. But you never do. And I die a little inside. Every day. Every month. For so many years that I've lost count.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581564
I don't know. Life has been great with you. But hell at the same time. It's hard to tell if you've caused me more joy or more pain. When Byakuren first introduced me to you, I was eager to just get the job over with and go along with life. However, as time passed, you slowly grew on me. I grew accustomed to your lively company. I never thought I'd have this sort of relationship. A bond of friendship. I only wished to remain associates at the time. But it has turned into something more. Much bigger than I had ever expected. Now I'm dying. From you. The abstinence of your true love replaced with the ideas that you truly are my friend. Yes, we're friends. But we can be so much more. Why can't you realize the same thing? As my spirit slowly eats itself, I do my best. To wait for you. For those words. You expressing your love to me. Despite my slow death, I continue to stand strong. I do my best to hide it from you. This is not a thing I will force upon you. It is your choice to express your true feelings for me. I only hope you do it soon, as I am unsure of how much more I can endure.

However, there is one thing that puts a giant gap in things. I know you're a disciple of Bishamonten. I also know that you are extremely devout in your daily responsibilities. A person like me... cannot expect someone like you to love me. You must continue to serve Bishamonten. Despite my love. It is foolish of me to hope for the impossible.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581569
I guess... I'm trapped. In this endless loophole of your love. That was never meant to be. And it never will. Maybe fate and destiny were right. I was brought here. And I can't do anything. But suffer under fate.

No.

I will continue to fight it. No matter what. Your love may be impossible to prove myself for. But there are other ways to fight against my destiny. My destiny to remain here under the torture of your love. I can end it now. I've thought about it for a while now. And I am certain that this is the answer to everything. I used to serve under Bishamonten just as you do now. I was instructed by Byakuren to assist you in becoming a faithful disciple of Bishamonten. And you have succeeded wonderfully. Now that you've become one, my presence is not needed at the temple. Then my purpose became to earn your love. However, having in failed doing that, I simply have no other purpose in this world. Now, I am left to suffer. That's not how it's going to end. I won't let it be so.

Shou. I have everything set. It has been a wonderful life with you filled with many things. I have the rope hanging up on a chain in my room. I have to prove that I can defy my fate. My destiny. It's the only way. I've learned many things from you, Shou. I only hope... that you will never forget me. Always remember me as a friend. A friend who had always deeply cared more about you than you would have ever thought. Farewell... Toramaru Shou.

[Anonymous No.]

autism

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581579
As Nazrin finished writing her last few words, a tear slid down her cheek and dropped onto the page. She glanced upwards and around her. She was sitting on a rock near the temple. She looked down at the field and admired the scenery of the blue sky and clouds as the wind blew gingerly through her hair. She looked to her left and saw a Jasmine flower. She plucked it and took in a deep breath, smelling it's sweet scent. This would be the last time she'd see the world in all of it's beauty.

"Hiya!" Shou greeted as she approached Nazrin. Nazrin quickly turned around and looked at her placing the book she was writing in down next to her. There was an awkward silence and all that could be heard was the breeze blowing through the field causing ripples throughout the grass.

"Ohh? W-what? Is something wrong?" Shou asked.

"... It's nothing." Nazrin replied, her voice slightly breaking. She got off the rock and walked off into the field in the direction of her home.

"Huh..." Shou wondered. She stared at the mouse in the distance until she was just a tiny spec at the end of the horizon. After that, she turned around and saw a book lying on the rock.

'Hey... that's Nazrin's book. She must've forgotten it. I better go give it back.' the tiger thought.

The book was still open and when she went to go grab it, she caught the sight of her name written on the page. Giving in to her curiosity, she started from the top of the page and began to read.

"... N-Nazrin?"

[Scandaroon No.]

Reported for retarded shit.

Get out --->>>/b/

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581582
but hold did he right all this? i thought autism children can't focus.

[Anonymous No.]

Interesting.

[Anonymous No.]

Oh wow, fanfics.

[Anonymous No.]

;_;
Is that it?

[Anonymous No.]

Fanfics. Not good at all.

[Anonymous No.]

This is written poorly such a disgrace to ZUN

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581610
>but hold did he right all this
>can't focus

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581674
well sorry for being drunk you try typing while holding a bottle of volka

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581680
Alcohol XDDDD

[Scandaroon No.]

>>5581680

Stop being an alcoholic and you won't have this problem.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581680
Typical excuse for a faggot

[Arcueid Brunestud !ARCIkc4cG6 No.]

The yawn-inducing, tensionless dialogue between characters in the average /jp/ fanfiction, or CYOA, really reinforces the idea that /jp/ never leaves their house. It jars my reading experience, especially if everything is beautifully written beforehand.

It makes me wonder when was the last time /jp/ had a conversation with someone from outside. /jp/ should try doing so*, and then write down how it went, with the intent of emulating it.

[Arcueid Brunestud !ARCIkc4cG6 No.]

>>5581703

Well, excuse me for bringing your thread to a halt, that was not my intention at all.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581832
Oh, he's done. Fanfiction threads are dead in the water as soon as the writefag finishes, unless it's one of those rare well-recived ones that actually sparks a disscusion.

[Kilga M. Aya~n !2BklmILFiE No.]

Shoppai, Shoppai~

[Anonymous No.]

Uh, OP? At least finish it before going away.
How can you improve if you leave your works hanging by the thread.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581832
This is why I don't write. I know without even trying that I could not write dialogue to save my life.

Anyway, Nazrin wouldn't act like that. Try harder to make it believable or something.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581703
Why is there an *

[Anonymous No.]

Yeah... it's too sappy or romantic.

[Anonymous No.]

Touhous don't pine over unrequited love. They man up, challenge their love interest to a danmaku battle, and shout their love during their strongest spellcard.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581988
Some do, some don't.
Touhous are people too.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5581988
Hey, Marisa!
Have you bucked up and confessed to Rinnosuke yet?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5582081
Yes. We're very happy together.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>5582088
NOO! NOT THAT FAST!

[´・ω・` !kemono.6JM No.]

´・ω・`

[Anonymous No.]

>>5582111
Marisa is pretty fast, man.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5582111
Love and I'll shoot!!
I mean, love and I'll move. In a flash.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5582156

[Anonymous No.]

>>5582135
Too big..

[Anonymous No.]

>>5582171

[Anonymous No.]

>>5582171
SAUCE?

[Arcueid Brunestud !ARCIkc4cG6 No.]

>>5581937

>This is why I don't write. I know without even trying that I could not write dialogue to save my life.

Well, there's bad dialogue, and then there's bad dialogue.

Many people, write bad dialogue that sounds like day-to-day chatter.
It's realistic. It's also dreadfully boring. Any decent reader would close the book and put it back on the shelf after that.

Then there's the BAD dialogue that doesn't, in any way, resemble what would come out of a normal person's mouth.
It sounds like the character is just saying words for the sake of saying words, or that the conversation was pre-ordained. Or it sounds like a recitation of lines, and has no tension or conflict.

That is what I'm seeing in the OP.
Snappy, sharp dialogue is an exchange that forwards the story and displays a battle of wit or will between two characters. It keeps the pages turning.

The scene in 'A Christmas Carol' where Ebenezer Scrooge encounters the ghost of Jakob Marley is a textbook example of how to effectively use dialogue.

Come to think of it, you don't even really need to listen to people. It helps, but only if you know how to trim the fat and capture the conflict of the scenario.

Otherwise, you could pick an author who does dialogue well, and emulate their style until you get it right.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5582837
Good post, but please don't strip away my excuses. I need them to stay comfortable.

[Scandaroon No.]

>>5582837


I don't understand why you're so seirous about this, Arcueid. It's touhou fan fiction of all things. It's not going be in Amazon's e-book section anytime soon.

[Arcueid Brunestud !ARCIkc4cG6 No.]

>>5583331

I enjoy tangling with the harsh realities. Sorry if it put you out of your comfort zone.

>>5583405

Proving your ignorance of critique, eh?

[Anonymous No.]

HEY!

[Anonymous No.]

I once thought about writing an original story. I was almost going to, but then I realized I never talk to people and don't know how to make conversations.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5584827
Don't let one person's criticism stop you.

[Kilga M. Aya~n !2BklmILFiE No.]

Shoppai, Shoppai~

[Anonymous No.]

>>5584827
Write the story and go out of your way to avoid conversations as much as possible. Remember, describe, don't show.

[Anonymous No.]

I once thought about writing an original story. I was almost going to, but then I realized I failed english and dropped out of school.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>5585970
Shou, don't tell.

[HelenXonpool !a0yHhBwvus No.]

>>5586970

Do I dare ask what is underneath the mosaic?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5586970
Sauce of doujin please?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5587309
(Can't Fix The Hemlet) - Declaring to the Sky (Touhou Project)[ENG]
It's not porn.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5588562
Doesn't mean I can't masturbate to it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5588590
Good luck.

[Anonymous No.]

is nazrin a member of team 9 or not i have not seen any agreement on this matter

[Anonymous No.]

>>5588608
The fuck? Why would she be?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5588562
Blaugh. I don't get half the stuff Can't Fix the Helemet writes.

[Kilga M. Aya~n !2BklmILFiE No.]

Shoppai, Shoppai~

[Arcueid Brunestud !ARCIkc4cG6 No.]

>>5591572

Do you think Shou would do paizuri to me

[Kilga M. Aya~n !2BklmILFiE No.]

>>5591580

Possibly, if you asked really nicely.

She doesn't seem too enthused by the prospect, though.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5589588
I think this one got translated poorly maybe? I couldn't tell what the fuck was going on either. Except that Nue and Nazrin got outside Gensokyo and were really pissed at how the outside world turned out.

[Anonymous No.]

Shou usually doesn't have tits to give paizuri with. Not that I mind if she does.

[Anonymous No.]

[Kilga M. Aya~n !2BklmILFiE No.]

>>5592190

I actually see her with them more often than the rest of the cast sans Byakuren.

I was never quite sure how that worked out, given how much she looked like a boy in-game. I would have picked Ichirin to be the second UFO boobinite, but she's kinda middlish as far as they go.

[Scandaroon No.]

Reported for not being /JP/ related. Go take your trash elsewhere.

[Anonymous No.]

What the fuck is this topic still doing around? Will you fanficfags go away please?!

[Anonymous No.]

>>5594222
1/10

>>5594241
Congrats, you just bumped it. It was just about to fall of page 0 too.