/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

HEY KISAMAS,
WATASHI NO NAMAE WA ANANIMASU OFFU KAKUSU TO WATASHI WA KIRAI EVERY SINGLE ONE OF ANATA. ALL OF ANATA ARE FAT, BAKA BAKA NO-LIFES WHO SPEND EVERY SECOND OF MAINICHI MITEIRUING AT BAKA PICTURES. ANATA WA SUBETE THAT IS WARUI IN THE SEKAI. HONTO NI, HAVE ANY OF ANATA EVER GOTTEN ANY NEKO? I MEAN, WATASHI GUESS IT'S TANOSHI MAKING FUN OF HITOS BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN UNKAWAIINESS, BUT MINNA TAKE IT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. KORE WA WORSE THAN ONANI-ING TO PICTURES ON HESUBUUKU.
SHIRANAI HITO JA NAI DESHO? JUST HIT WATASHI AND BE SURE TO GANBARIMASU. WATASHI WA PRETTY MUCH PAAFEKUTO. WATASHI WAS AMERIKAN FUTBORU NO CAPTAIN, TO WATASHI WAS HAJIMASHTATER ON WATASHI NO BASUKETOBOORU TEAM. DONNA SUPOTSU DO ANATA ASANBOU, OTHER THAN "ONANI TO NAKED DRAWN NIPPONJIN"? WATASHI MO GET HOMO JA NAI A'S, TO WATASHI HAS A BANGING KAWAII SHOJO (KANOJO WA BLOWJOB WO SHIMASHITA; KUSO WA HONTO NI CASH.) ANATA WA ALL KISAMAS DARE SHOULD JUST KOROSU THEMSELVES. DOMO ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU FOR LISTENING.

[Anonymous No.]

H + + p: / / à t . K Ì M MÓ a . S 3 /

[Anonymous No.]

>KUSO WA HONTO NI CASH.

Just made my fucking day.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038675
Each time I see this variant of this copy pasta, I find it impressive, but there's a single word that doesn't make sense:
> HESUBUUKU
what the hell is that supposed to be?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038734
Facebook?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038734
Facebook.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038746
>>5038752
I see. No wonder I couldn't think of anything since I don't visit social networking sites.

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038674
h + + p :/ / Á t . K Í m M Ó Á . 5 3 /

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038763

[Anonymous No.]

Yes but I like to besmear oneself with fresh warm dango and masturbate. Every day I walk with a black garbage bag and collect all dango that I see. For two full bags I spend all day. But when after heavy day I come home, I go to a bath, I turn on hot water... mmm and then I dump there my pleasure. And fap, imagining, that I has absorbed by huge dango. In general it seems to me, that dango, are able to think, they have families, cities, feelings, do not wash off them in a toilet bowl, shelter them, speak with them, caress them.... Oh, and yesterday in a bathroom, I had a wonderful dream when I have dived into the sea, and it turn into a dango; fishes, seaweed, jellyfishes all made of dango, even the sky, even the Allah.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038832
...What the dango...

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op i came on cat she hiss at penis
i fapped so hard mine dong flew out da window i here its in china now
wow op i fap so hard my dick bigger 2 inches great vid
omg i coming cats and dogs thnx for pic!!
omg op i come so hard that I shot a whole in my wall. now my mom is angry and said i had a hug cock!
i came so hard im now a woman thx op
The hurricane winds generated from how fast I was whacking it knocked down my entire south wall of my house and now car alarms all over the neigborhood are going off.
I just shat my pants in class now i cant move or it will all squelch out and the girl near me is starting to notice the smell thanks op!
i know own a small fast food chain in rhode island thx op
thx op for share her exclusive move make sister grew dick to fuck my ass with
op i slipped on my own penis im calling the police fuck you op
WOW BITCH NOZE HOW TO SUKK GUD I CUM SO HARD MY BUCKET BROKE
super hot chick thanks op I came a whole mom
oh god all i have left to cum is bone marrow aaaah god no stop it hurts m bone marrow thx op 10/10
holy penis i shat pics of spiderman
epic win OP I cam shit and shat cum
I'm watching this now with my family and my granpa is winning the cumbucket challenge thx op 10/10
I came so hard my cum created a sonic boom and now I can't hear shit thx op 10/10
your under arrest op for make this such fantastic porno movievideo, I birthed several sperm childs
thx op i came so hard my dick split open and wasps flew out and stung my mom 9/11
thx op i cut dick off and threw my dick like cum grenade 10/10
op made me cum like a small turtle call me franklin
awesome porno op I came in a poor man's suit pocket.
I RIPPED MY ARM OFF AND CAME TO STOP THE BLEEDING THX OP
omfg my dick got so hard i could fuck my own asshole!

[Anonymous No.]

The door slammed open, waking Ilya immediately. The girl sat upright in bed, rubbing her eyes and muttering, rather unhappy. A shadow stood in the doorway. Ilya looked up and squinted. It was just Saber, or so she thought. She laid down again, trying to make herself comfortable.

"Aw, go away, I'm trying to sleep," she whined.

Instead, the figure approached and grunted. Ilya looked up again. It was Saber, right? There was just something wrong with her. She had a dull look in her eyes, and she was holding something. Ilya sniffed.

"Is that--" she began.

"MEAT!" the thing declared, raising a large salami aloft.

"What the f-"

"MEAT!" it boomed, and brought the sausage to its lips. It licked it emphatically. "YoU reAdY?" it crooned.

Ilya backed up and attempted to leave the bed. This was clearly not Saber. In the blink of an eye, however, Sader pounced on Ilya, holding her down. The salami landed next to Ilya's head. Its aroma was strong, and it glistened with Sader's spit in the moonlight. Ilya struggled for all she was worth. She looked away from the monster, who was staring at her intently.

[Anonymous No.]

/r/ the suigintou poop monster slave thing

[Anonymous No.]

A clammy hand grabbed at Ilya's panties; she hadn't been wearing any pajama bottoms. Ilya shrieked and tried batting Sader's hand away. The thin fabric of her underwear snapped and Sader carefully placed the panties on her head, as a perverted skullcap of sorts. Ilya kicked and bucked beneath her with great ferocity.

Sader turned her attention to the salami. She picked it up and delivered Ilya an impressive uppercut with it. The girl, dazed, went still for a moment from the shock. That gave Sader enough time to position the sausage outside Ilya's vagina. Snapping back to her senses, Ilya realized what was going on when she felt the cool meat against her young flesh. She promptly resumed her kicking and yelling.

Angered by this ungrateful response, Sader crammed about half the salami deep into Ilya. The pain of the insertion silenced her and her arms flopped down unto the bedsheets. Her hands clenched the fabric beneath them as Sader thrust the meat in and out. She would say "meat" occasionally as well, somehow satisfied. When she finished, Ilya was crying and bleeding. The salami lay on the ground, a disgusting mess. Sader stalked out of the room, scratching her ass and looking for the bathroom. The young girl's panties fell off her head and landed on the hefty sausage, a garish monument to lost innocence.

[Anonymous No.]

Mokou started sniffing Kaguya's freshly pooped diaper.
''OH KAGUYA YOUR DIAPY SMELLS LIKE WONDERFUL SHIT I SHALL RUB THIS IN MY FACE!''
And so she did so.

MEANWHILE Kaguya and Eirin were taking a bath in an onsen while Tewi and Reisen were forced to scrub every inch of them.
''Au au au!'' Screeched Reisen.
''Au au au!'' Screeched Tewi.
And then Eirin gave them dicks and they fucked.

[Anonymous No.]

One day, you need some money for crack so you take a job testing magical spells for Patchy. You are sitting in her library scratching your balls when Little Bitch summons you to the inner sanctum. Inside, Patchy beckons you to stand in front of her. She asks you to gently lift up her robe. You do so, revealing her massive, rock-hard penis. She tries to explain about some kind of magical accident but you really need your crack fix so you tell her to get on with it. She tells you to suck her cock to release the magical energy. She moans a bit as you rub your hands up and down her engorged shaft. Her boner is the width of your forearm. You get on your knees and insert her dick into your mouth. It’s so big that you begin gagging when not even half of its length is inside your mouth. You run your tongue along her wang, making sure to give her urethra some attention with the tip of your tongue. Patchy’s moans become louder as you scrape your teeth on her ultra-hard member. Summoning up your courage, you even manage to close your lips around her rod and suck hard. This seems to excite Patchy the most, as she cums with a shout, sending gallons of delicious Breyers® ice cream down your throat.

[Anonymous No.]

One day, Mokou was out shopping with the neet. They drank a lot of lemonade and had to piss, so they went to the bathroom together. While Mokou was doing her business, the neet stuck her head under the stall divider.

"So what do you think of that new dress? Shit is so cash, right?"

"Kaguya, you can't do that!" Mokou screamed. "Get out!"

Mokou started kicking the neet in the face, but the neet braved the pain and slithered under the divider and into the spacious stall. The neet carefully squirmed her arm under Mokou's leg and began to finger her. This caused Mokou's piss stream to intensify, a golden torrent rivaling a fire hydrant. The piss was powerful enough to knock down the stall door, sending it crashing into the far wall. Picking Mokou up by her underarms, the neet carried her around as a mobile piss cannon, blasting holes in walls and ripping apart innocent shoppers in a wall of hot urine. When Mokou was finally exhausted, the pair stood in the ruins of the mall, knee--deep in a golden lake. Piss mixed with shoppers' blood rained down from what was left of the ceiling. Too embarrassed to even move, she offered no resistance as the neet shoved her head underwater and drowned Mokou in her own piss. The neet whipped out her cell phone and called Cirno, informing the fairy of a whole new lake that just formed that she can play in.

FINLAND

[Anonymous No.]

Gallons of sweet ice cream fill up your stomach, force their way into your intestines, and gush into your lungs. You roll around on the floor gasping for labored, vanilla-tasting breaths. Patchy still isn’t finished, though. Koakuma rips off your kilt and Patchy jams her schlong into your throbbing pink anus. The force of her pecker entering your rectum feels like being sodomized with a fire hydrant. You can feel your colon and intestines splitting open as her piss weasel sundered your innards. Patchy thrusts her pork sword in and out with clockwork repetition, literally tearing you a new one with each heave-ho. Each of your coughs tightens your asshole and increases Patchy’s pleasure to “hole” new heights. Eventually she cums again and this time, her disco stick unleashes burning hot lava into your body. The magma mixes with the ice cream to form a steam explosion inside your chest cavity, blowing it wide open and sending your organs splattering against the wall. Koakuma immediately begins cremating your body on the spot, before you are even fully dead. The end.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038879
I hope it's not peach Breyer's. That's the worst shit they ever made.

[Anonymous No.]

I’d say its been 8 or 9 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass while jerking off and fingering my asshole. I did it because it felt really good but that’s not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.

I’m sitting there watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my asshole had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my shit to create something far worse than shit. It was probably the worst thing I’ve smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my asshole and forgot about until the morning after.

While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I walked quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my shit butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my asshole into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038900

As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of shit butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.

I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every asshole in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. “What the fuck is that smell.” “This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer” one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I’m sure he’s raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.

That’s when I saw him. The old nigger who sat in front of shoprite saying hello to every asshole strolling by. I fucking hated this man. I couldn’t tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my shit butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking “this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now.” This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038902

I was arms length from the nigger now. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at the niggers face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked “why?” and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head. Truly, I did it for the lulz.

While everybody was distracted I walked into shoprite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was 4. I left shoprite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking “wow, I’m such a great person, I get 4 free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to CP.”

When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038883
Oh dear, so many bad puns, so many bad puns!

[Anonymous No.]

I was driving home from work, and it was a rough day. All this Christmas stuff, utter bullshit. I was a about half an hour from home. I popped in my favorite CD, DragonForce "Inhuman Rampage". Almost instantly I was glowing red with rage. I plowed through about 15 cars. The cops came and they nearly surrounded me! They heard me playing DragonForce and decided to back the fuck off.

I pulled up in the driveway and could almost smell the garbage my wife was cooking. She can't cook for shit. I decided to put the CD in my CD player and listened to it. I walked inside and guess what I saw! My wife! Playing the fucking Nintendo Wii! I was so angry! I walked over to and screamed "WHAT THE FUCK! THE WII FUCKING SUCKS! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT IN THE KITCHEN?!" I punched her in her fucking jaw and broke it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038883
Piss weasel

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038919
I had to take my wife to the doctor. I had beaten her severely. She had bruises up and down her body, and her jaw was hanging loosely from her mouth. She could barely talk. I had stopped listening to DragonForce a while ago, and my wife agreed to say that she fell in front of a bus to the doctor. We got to the doctors office, and he eyed me funny. He said she would have to be put in the ICU, Intensive Care Unit. He said she would have to be here for 2 months at most, while they try to find the bus that ran her over. I said shyly "How much will it cost." He turned around in his shitty office chair and said, "Take a look at the bill." Then he handed it to me. It was 90,000 dollars. I was astounded at how much it cost! I told him, "Doctor, I need a little time to myself." He replied, "Okay." I immediately headed for the bathroom. I splashed some cold water on my face, and looked myself in the mirror. I said, "Oh, my, God." I decided that I needed something to calm my nerves. I took out my iFail, and played Sonic Firestorm, by DragonForce, Fury of the storm came on first. Instantly I was rejuvenated! I started jumping around, not in a gay way kind of like a metal concert way, the bathroom. I started saying things like "Yeah!" "Fuck Yeah!" "Smashing through the boundaries with unicorns over the fire and flames from the fury of the storm."

[Anonymous No.]

>>5038921
At this point I was screaming. A male nurse came in and said, "What the fuck are you doing? Are you even a patient? You need to get the fuck out of here!" At this point I was glowing red with rage, so I ripped off the sink and threw it at him. It hit him and killed him. I stood over his body and started crouching rapidly, like tea bagging in halo. As I walked to the doctor's office, I yelled myself, "HOW DARE THAT DOCTOR CHARGE ME MONEY FOR MY WIFE'S LIFE! I LOVE HER! FUCK HIM." I walked over to the doctor and grabbed her penis. I lifted her up to the roof and held her there for a while, she couldn't even breath. Eventually I ripped off her penis and rammed it in her right boob, penis'd to the wall.

So there I was, driving my wife home. She was barely conscious, and was crying. She managed to muffle out from her broken jaw, "shaw moi bid wo diddle fum" I said "Are you a fucking nigger?" And hit her jaw again. I had hit it before we left the hospital because she was crying. She started crying even more. I was getting fucking sick of it! She was crying loud! Really loud! Drowning out ZP Theart! How dare she! Herman Li's guitars? I couldn't hear them at all! I grabbed her hair, and she started crying more. I was so fucking angry I almost ripped off her head. Then I put my focus back to the road for a little bit, and noticed I was heading straight for a divider! At this point, I didn't care because I was glowing red with rage, so I plowed through it, and drove right in front of a truck. I kicked my wife's head so hard that she flew out the window and hit the truck.