/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

Dan Kim Copypasta thread of DESPAIR.

And, of course, I lack any, so, if you would be so kind...

In the meantime, I'll repost this.

[Anonymous No.]

This 4 koma satisfies me greatly.

[Myon !Cqhrqm5cBg No.]

It's on his website in a nice zip.

[Anonymous No.]

http://pooshlmer.com/touhouwiki/index.php/Clone_Manga

[Anonymous No.]

>>502059

Many thanks. Anonymous delivers. Still, let's fill this Topic up with all our despair, shall we?

[Anonymous No.]

[Myon !Cqhrqm5cBg No.]

>>502073

[Anonymous No.]

Dan Kim is a waste of sperm and eggs

[Youmu! !!JxHWn3PPDwE No.]

>>502077

[Anonymous No.]

>>502079

We all have something in common with him, then.

[Myon !Cqhrqm5cBg No.]

>>502083

[Youmu! !!JxHWn3PPDwE No.]

>>502092

[Anonymous No.]

We're still missing that one Alice copypasta. You know the one I'm talking about. The one where Marisa comes over to save her from the abusive Anonymous?

It'll be even better if there are more like that I don't know about.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502092

I can't read the runes, is she sad because her ramen was spilled or because Cirno melted?

[Anonymous No.]

>>502107

That pasta is ancient. From /a/, practically.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502107
Thats not Dan Kim copypasta.

[Tatari !JERKwzbfbg No.]

>>502110
Ramen.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502116

Who cares. Get it in here.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>502049
go back to trolling touho dan kim.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

It was a quiet day in The Forest of Magic, just like every other day. The spring air flowed into the room through the open window, bringing with it a cool and refreshing breeze. A young girl was sitting elegantly at her desk, marveling the wondrous object that lay before her.
"I can't believe I let Nitori talk me into testing this thing out for her. It seems so complicated, I can't figure out what goes where and how to set it up. Oh heck, I can't even figure out how to turn it on!...
Oh well, at least it was nice talking to someone, even if it resulted in something troublesome like this."
The young puppeteer sat perplexed on her chair, tinkering with the modern piece of technology. Alice was anxious and determined to get the device to work, and thus she didn't stop until late into the night. The refreshing breeze turned into a stiff wind and darkness flooded the house's insides. Noticing this, Alice stood up, lit a candle, and closed the large glass windows. When she sat back down, she noticed that the device was nearly set up, and all she had left to do was turn it on.

[Anonymous No.]

"Alright, I believe this button should do it.", she said with anticipation. To her excitement, the machine began to buzz and run, indicating that it was beginning to start up. Less than a couple minutes later, the screen of the strange device lit up with various icons and such. Alice remembered Nitori telling her that this was the "Desktop", whatever that was.
Eager to test out the device per her promise to Nitori, Alice put her hand on the mouse and started clicking frantically, until she realized that she was just clicking into empty space. She moused over an icon that she found quite interesting: a small blue and orange sphere. Below it was text that read "FireRan Browser".
"I wonder what this one will do if I click on it", pondered Alice. To her utmost enjoyment, as soon as she clicked on it her screen almost immediately changed completely. "Ah, this must be the Web Browser Nitori told me about. She said that this was probably the most popular feature of her invention."

[Anonymous No.]

In time, Alice got used to this new device Nitori called a "Computer", and eventually all the commands and whatnot would just come naturally as if she had been doing this forever. In that time, many other people took liking to this invention, including many people from the human village.
One day, Alice came across a website with lots of texts and images. When she asked Nitori about this, she said it was a Message Board, a place where people would post messages accompanied with images about various subjects. She noticed that one subject was very popular, a game called Uohout, created by a man called NUZ. She later learned that this was what they called a curtain fire shooter, and that it was really popular in the human village. Alice decided to try these out for herself, as many people exclaimed how fun they were.
The first time she decided play, Alice was quite confused. First of all, she couldn't decide which character to chose. There were many, after all. Anon, John, Steve and Ryan were the main ones, with many side characters as well.

[Anonymous No.]

As time passed, Alice soon became infatuated with this heartfelt yet unbefriended character. She would fantasize being together with him, comforting him in his times of melancholy and going out together as an act of their love. She would lament over the though of being with him forever, enjoying themselves together, having kids, growing old as a couple, etcetera. She wanted to give him the love and appreciation that he desperately deserved, most of all because she knew exactly how he felt. It hurt Alice knowing how woebegone he must feel.
However, one day Alice came to an inconsolable realization. She realized that Anonymous was not real, and never would be real. She realized that both he and herself would be lonely forever, separated by 2dimensional and 3dimensional barriers. She realized that they would never be together, never share the beautiful view of the sunset, never hold hands while walking down a park trail, never have a peaceful picnic on the edge of the forest with a beautiful view of the lake.
"This isn't fair! This just isn't fair! Why can't he be real? Why has fate been so cruel, to present me with such a perfect man, only to be rejected by this barrier of woe, this realization of dismay?"
A single tear flowed down Alice's cheek, grazing her soft yet troubled face and shortly falling to the ground.
Alice cried herself to sleep that night, her hopes and emotions dashed, her future bleak and dim. Aside from the resolute sobbing, it was a quiet day in The Forest of Magic. Just like every other day. As such, it would stay that way forever...

[Anonymous No.]

In the beginning, Alice wasn't very good, however as the days passed she got better and better and was eventually able to move up in the levels. However, one day Alice discovered that these shooting games weren't the only things about of this game called Ouhout. She also found out at the various doujins and fan-made comics existed, each one with great artwork and funny or dramatic story lines. Alice immersed herself in these stories, laughing at the hilarious jokes involving the stereotypes assigned to the characters, and sobbing at the stories of lost love and heartbreak.
Alice started developing a certain liking towards the character named "Anon", which was short for Anonymous. He was a lonely character who was always made fun of by everyone else. Day in and day out he was satirized and ridiculed, even though he tried his best to make friends with the others. As such, he spent almost all of his life inside his small, resolute home, practicing his Danmaku or reading manga. Although you couldn't see his face, you could tell that Anon was fairly attractive, which was a surprise considering his situation.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502157
>>502160
>>502161
>>502163
>>502164

Not the one I was referring to, but still, it pierces the heart of RONERY, or so I've heard.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502049

I wonder why they find it funny that there's a dead animal in her locker. I mean, normally people are shocked or grossed-out. Snickering would probably be the last thing they'd do, unless the whole school is full of sociopaths. Then again, I've never played the VN.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502178

I find the Uouhot pasta more despairing than the Alice wifebeater pasta, but I do have both.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502203

Then please post it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502194
>unless the whole school is full of sociopaths

Pretty much

[Anonymous No.]

>>502194

The entire student body in that school were fucked as hell. Jackasses and douches, all of em.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502229
Kinda like real life.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502229
Kind of shows the true colors of your "friends" from the other routes, too.

[Anonymous No.]

“Hello, Shanghai. Can I come in?” she says with a beaming smile.
“Of course! Please, have a seat. Master will be out in a second.”
Marisa hangs her witch hat on the coat rack, and then sits with her hands in her lap as I begin to pour some tea. It’s really cheap tea, so I make sure to put out lots of honey and sugar. She deliberately leans forward, so she won’t get her hair dirty on the greasy back of the couch.
“Marisa! Long time no see!”
Master finally emerges from the bathroom in a clean dress. I didn’t think she even had any clean clothes anymore…
The two girls hug each other like sisters. Master does her best to hide a look of pain when Marisa squeezes her. I know she complained of a bruised rib the other day…
“So what’s your big announcement, Marisa? I’ve been waiting all day to hear it! Oh, but we’ll have to be quick. My husband will get upset if he comes home and sees your broomstick in the driveway again.”
Marisa-san said nothing, but simply raised her hand. On her finger was a modest, but beautiful ring.
“Oh my gosh, you really are getting married! I’m so happy for you? So, who’s the lucky guy?”
“Ah, about that…” said Marisa, looking away.
“I’m getting married to Reimu.”

[Anonymous No.]

Master was speechless, her mouth agape.
“Sweetie, by now I thought you would’ve grown out of your girl-crushes,” she finally blurts out. Surprisingly, Marisa-san doesn’t look offended.
“But we love each other, Alice,” Marisa-san says with a warm smile.
“We’re going to live in the shrine together. We’ve already discussed adopting a child-“
“Oh? And how do you think you’ll pay for all the expenses? You’re a two-bit magician who plays kids shows and she’s a miko with no weekly paycheck. Do you think her donations will put your child through college? Sweetheart, let me find you a nice guy, like my husband.”
“Like that husband who beats you?” Marisa-san said, while wiping the makeup off Master’s face, revealing the bruises underneath. Master smacked Marisa-san’s hand away roughly.
“I told you, I tripped on my dress! And I’m pregnant now, so he wouldn’t hit me!” Master says, lifting her dress to show Marisa-san her stomach with its steadily growing bump.
“Honey, I had no idea… Well, if he ever hits you again, I want you to call me, OK?”
By now, Master was visibly upset.
“Where do you get off accusing Anonymous of such horrible things?! He’s a great man, he just gets angry sometimes. His job is very stressful.”

[Anonymous No.]

>>502207

“Shanghai, come help me clean up. Marisa is coming over soon!”
Master is very excited today. Her good friend Marisa-san is coming to visit today. They haven’t seen each other since Master got married.
“Shanghai, clean up those beer cans!” Master calls from the kitchen.
I obediently bag up the cans of Suweiser. Master’s husband is such a slob.
“Master, wouldn’t it be nice if Anonymous-san would clean up after himself every once in a while?”
“Shanghai, don’t talk about my husband like that. It’s a wife’s duty to keep a house clean, you know?” she says, while wiping the grime off the coffee table.
“Marisa said she has an important announcement to make. I wonder if she finally found a nice guy to marry, like me?” Master mused.
A knock on the door caught Master off-guard.
“Oh, she’s early! Shit, the cleaning isn’t finished!” Master says, while throwing some dirty socks behind the couch.
“Go answer it while I freshen up,” she says, running to the bathroom.
I knew that she was going to put on some makeup to hide her bruises. I flew over to the door and struggled just to turn the knob. Houses really aren’t made for dolls. When I finally pull it open, I see a sight for sore eyes. Marisa Kirisame-san, radiant in a summer dress, stood on the porch.

[Anonymous No.]

“Alice, I’m worried that one day he’ll be more than angry. I know what he did at the Scarlet Devil Mansion. He’s capable of killing, you know…”
“What the hell are you talking about? He promised me he’d never go back there after I caught him fooling around with the gate guard.”
“You know those books he got you as a wedding present? He stole them from Patch’s library, may she rest in peace. I was there when the mansion burned down. After Anon stole the books, he let Flandre out of her room. He pricked his finger and shoved it in her mouth and said his blood was delicious candy. Being a vampire, she wanted more and flew into a furor. He said that she can get more candy from Sakuya. Flandre found Sakuya and began ripping her to shreds. She barely had time to yell for help before Flandre decapitated her and began to drink her blood. Meiling heard Sakuya’s screams, but because of all the abuse she suffered at Sakuya’s hands, she took off into the woods instead of saving her boss. No one has heard from Meiling since. By the time Remilia was roused from her slumber, Flandre had already made it into the library and had impaled a straw into Patchouli’s half-dead body and was drinking her dry. Remilia confronted her sister, and after a fierce battle that wrecked the mansion and set it on fire, Flandre was finally killed. Remilia, vowing to never return to Gensokyo, gathered up Sakuya’s head and flew off into the night. I confronted Anonymous about why he set this chain of events into motion. He said, ‘I did it for the lulz’. Don’t you see, Alice? He’ll hurt you without even blinking!”

[Anonymous No.]

>>502237

Only to the extreme.

Seriously, they pretty much molested Aeka in the middle of the cafeteria.

[Anonymous No.]

Master’s face was bright red at this point. She’d heard enough, even if it was all true.
“You’re lying! How would you know all this, anyway? There’s a restraining order against you from going near the mansion ever since you assaulted Patchouli when she didn’t have a book that you wanted to steal!”
“I… I snuck back in to steal some more books. I didn’t want to report Anonymous to the police, since I knew he would be unstable if he thought he would be caught, and I was worried about you. I thought you would come to your senses about him and leave him by now…”
A cracking sound split the tension in the room like a peal of thunder. Master’s anger had finally reached its boiling point, and she slapped her best friend. Marisa-san, stunned at this outburst, gingerly felt the large red mark on her cheek.
“How dare you come into my house and insult my husband like this? Get the fuck out, right now!”“Alice, please! You’re a victim, we can get you help-“ Marisa-san tried to plead with Master. Her golden eyes were full of worry.
Master would have none of it. She yanked Marisa-san up by her arm and shoved her towards the door.
“Shanghai, get the door!” Master ordered curtly. Not wanted to disobey, I swung the door open. Master pushed Marisa-san out. She landed roughly on the porch. Master grabbed Marisa-san’s hat and threw it in her face.
“Don’t forget your hat, you dyke! Don’t come around here again!”
Master slammed the door. From the window, I watched Marisa-san board her broom and ride off, after one last glance back at the house. I think I saw tears running down her face. Turning back to Master, I saw her slumped against the door, head in her hands.

[Anonymous No.]

“I… I’m better off without her, anyway. I’m fine as long as I have Anon…”
Master trailed off as she noticed the black and white doll on the shelf. It was a perfect likeness of Marisa-san, and making it was a real labor of love. I remember how proud Master was when she completed it. She planned to give it to Marisa-san as a wedding gift. Picking up the doll, Master began to sob.
“Oh god… What have I done…”
She fell to the floor as she clutched the doll to her chest. Master began weeping loudly, tears streaming down her cheeks. All I could so was stroke her hair until she cried herself to sleep. I snuggled up next to her neck and fell asleep, too.
The sound of the door slamming woke me up. Oh no, Anonymous-san was home from work, and Master hadn’t cooked dinner yet.
“Honey, I’m home,” he said with a belch. He must’ve stopped at the smoked eel stand for a few bottles of sake before he came home… again.
“Where the fuck is dinner? Bitch, what the fuck are you doing?” he said, noticing Master sprawled out on the floor. She was just beginning to wake up when Anonymous-san snatched the doll from her hands.

[Anonymous No.]

“You’re still playing with dolls? How pathetic,” he said, before throwing the black and white doll to the floor and grinding it to dust under his work boots.
“No! Why did you do that? That was my favorite doll!” Master protested. That was a bad idea.
“For the lulz. Now I’ll teach you what happens when you don’t make dinner on time!”
Anonymous-san delivered a fierce backhand to Master’s face. Her nose exploded in a cloud of blood. She was on her back now, whimpering. Anonymous-san began stomping down on Master’s stomach, hard. She screamed in pain, digging her nails into the carpet in agony. I was powerless to do anything. I knew that if I tried to attack Anonymous-san, he’ll just blame Alice and make her suffer even more. I covered my ears until the commotion died down. Anonymous-san retreated to his bedroom. I looked over towards Master, who was coughing up fierce amounts of blood. I was worried for her life, until she rolled over on her side and passed out. It was all I could do to wipe up the blood around her mouth. Her breathing was ragged and irregular. I resolved to stay up all night if I had to, to protect my Master.
Sunlight streaming in through the blinds woke me up. Oh no, I fell asleep! Is Master alright? I can’t see her anywhere.
“Oh, Shanghai, you’re awake. Anon felt so bad about what he did that he must’ve gotten a new doll for me! I don’t know why it was covered in blood, but that’s alright. It’s the perfect size, too. I’ll start knitting some clothes for it right away! I’m so excited!”
Master walked in from the kitchen and placed the doll next to me. It was made of some weird pink material, like rubber.
Oh, god…
I may just be a doll, but even I know that this was no wooden likeness. Alice had a miscarriage during the night.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502211
>>502229
>>502246
>>502237

Well, that answers my question. Thank you, Anon.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502239
>>502241
>>502243
>>502245
>>502248
>>502251
>>502251

FUCKING EPIC.

[Anonymous No.]

DESPAIR.

[Anonymous No.]

>>502252
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

[Anonymous No.]

old copypasta is old
new newfags are new

[Anonymous No.]

DESPAIR

[Anonymous No.]

>>502420
Somehow... it tastes... like chicken, ze~

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

[Anonymous No.]

Dear Dan,

I'm banging Sara. Remember her? You tried to get with her. She says your come-ons were clumsy and embarrassing.

Have a nice day!

-Matt

[Anonymous No.]

>>502434

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

(also thanks, I had forgotten to save the entire thing)

[Tewi Inaba !Usa1ztole6 No.]

[Myon !Cqhrqm5cBg No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>502445
MAAAAARGE! YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART!

[Anonymous No.]

>>502491
If that is Tewi, than why does she have buttons on here ears...oh shi-

[Anonymous No.]

>>502443

Poor Dan. ;-;

[Anonymous No.]

>>502524
Because Dan's a fucking retard.